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Long distance relationships vs. family
By bdjvanilla
@bdjvanilla (83)
Latvia
November 13, 2011 12:57pm CST
I have thing what bother me for a very long time, and everytime when i think about it, it makes me feel bad and i feel like i cant be really happy about my long distance relationship.
And this all is just because my family (older sister and mom) think that my LDR BF isnt loyal to me and they also think that for him im just for fun and that this whole thing isnt serious. They think that he lie to me about everything and that he meet with many girls there.
They dont even know him, this stereotype is in their head, i tried to tell mum that its not like they think and that he is loyal to me, but then mum made fun of it and said "how you know that?" and things like that.
Im in long distance relationship for a first time, it last already 1 year and 11 months (so its almost 2 years since we are in relationship). Im 20 and he is 27 years old. Distance between us is 8000 km (5000 miles). We met online in chat room, since that we talk everyday for a few hours (if its possible, cos he work long hours), we have many ups and downs like in every relationship. Always after work he come home to see me in webcam and be with me and in same time he do also some work at home. He goes out in friday nights like once in a month with friends because he know i dont like it.
I often feel jealous and afraid that i will lose him because everyone make me think that he cheat on me but inside in my heart i know he dont and he tell me truth (ok, yes once he lied to me about something, but after he told me truth and he said it was bad mistake to lie to me). He trust me, but sometimes when i go out then he is also jealous and feel bad so its not like my family think that he dont care about me.
We have been talked about us and we both really want to see each other in person (we havent met yet), but its not possible right now, because i dont have job and i cant afford ticket to his place, but hopefully il find job soon and il can save money for ticket and go there to meet him (we both will pay about my ticket 50/50) for a 2 weeks. We both really want to move in somewhere together someday and we both know that we need to be patient with this.
We both really care about each other and we really want to be together and we are happy about each other but i cant feel really happy with all my heart if my family think like that and i cant make them think different. I dont know what to do about this i know that talking dont will make any difference (and talking about it for me is so hard cos everytime when they tell me that he cheat on me and things like that, it make me feel mad and in same time sad (im emotional person).
I dont want they think about my bf like that, i want break their stereotype and make them understand that we both are serious about our relationship, but how i can make my family understand that?
Please help me with some advice. Sorry, my story is so long but i didnt can make it shorter, and sorry about my bad english. I will appreciate any advice.
P.S. And, please, dont tell me that LDR cant work, it can if both parts really want it and make some effort in it.
8 responses
@thaMARKER (2503)
• Philippines
14 Nov 11
long distance relationship is really tough. i've been there and it didn't work out. but hey, if you intend to work it out, if the guy is awesome.. go for it. but you gotta take the risk. just that, im not into that kinda relationship. never again hehehe..
wish you luck. 
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
14 Nov 11
he is awesome :)) there of course is a risk cos even life is a risk, and if i wont risk i wont ever know if it was that worth to take the risk.. i wont give up so easily :)
@mmgonzales (882)
• Philippines
14 Nov 11
Hi BDJVANILLA,
Long distant relarionship can work out just right...if and only if...you trust each other....
Your worry about your family will soon vanish if you stand on what you believe is right..dont worry much..your family just love you the way you love them...they are just being over protective to you and always thinks of the best...but also in the latter part you and only can decide to what you wanna stand in Life...
Jelousy? Start to love yourself and believe that you are worthy of the love you get as always from your partner...Trusting him/her and yourself will resolve the jelousy issues...List down all your worries and FEARs and talk it through...you may find solution if you list down whats the root cause of everything....
Always smile... :)
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
14 Nov 11
we talked about it few weeks ago and after that talk its not so bad anymore, because seems like he really want to be with me so much like i do, and all this feelings are real not fake.. if he really want cheat on me he should of done that before not wait almost 2 years to cheat on me, and i dont think that human can act that long, so it also show that he dont cheat on me :) and i asked to him about his previous relationship if he cheated on his ex gf's and he said that no he didnt, he prefer to be loyal to one person and be with just one person :)
@mrangelique (232)
• Philippines
14 Nov 11
Long distance relationship works, and yes you are right, if both person that is involve in this relationship is willing to do everything, as in to wait and make sacrifices then it would probably prosper. Trust and respect is the key element in this relationship, you should trust each other that nobody will cheat or do something that is against the relationship. Respect your partner and don't cheat. If you are both into this then God will surely bless your relationship.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
14 Nov 11
yes, im trying to trust more, but if everyone around me is against me then its not so easy but il do my best to trust more and fight less, cos i dont want lose him because of my family stereotypes..
I dont cheat and i never will, i dont will can never ever do that to my bf, like i dont want he do that to me :)
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
13 Nov 11
I have a long distance relationship too and it works for us.
The only difference between you and me is that you have a family that can't feel happy for you.
They will do and say everything to break this relationship.
You already tried to explain how you feel and why but as you already found out it's to deaf ears you talk.
Stop with explaining. There is no reason for you to do so.
Enjoy with what you both share and have together. Nobody can see in the future. If you two belong together it will be that way.
I think you should be proud about yourself to talk to eachother so frequently. What you do on the internet is sharing way more quality time to eachother (you have to talk to stay close) as most couples do.
Go for it and don't care about what others say!
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
13 Nov 11
Thanks about your soothing words! This relationship means to me so much and i dont want lose him because my family dont want i go to live to his place or because they think it cant be real. I feel bad about what they think cos for me its important what my family think about me and what i do, but if they think so bad i dont want break up with him and find someone here so they are ok with me. I want to be with him in his place, i guess with you is same. I wish us luck and strength to make our relationship work more better!
@kaeirole (668)
• Philippines
13 Nov 11
LDR really works if both take all the efforts..but since you haven't met yet personally, why don't you take it easy on your plans with him..you still need to know him better..staying long on chat or phones isn't enough to know someone..for me, if he wants to see you, he must be the one who'll take the initiative and go to your place..he's the one who got a job..your family is only worried about you because your relationship isn't close to reality yet because they haven't seen the guy yet..
i have a cousin..she's having a long distance relationship too for 2 years..the guy gave him money and stuffs..but the sad part was..the guy can't even make a move to see my cousin..because he was just fooling around..and their relationship ended..
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
14 Nov 11
yes, i knew someone will say about it, but thing is, i want go to his place first, because i dont want my family see when we meet for first time, and talk behind our back (about how he act or how he look or whatever they think about). so better i want to meet him for first time alone and be with him and then next time he come to my place so i can show him my family and things like that. and if il meet him first and will really happen something unexpected then my family wont know about it so they dont will can talk about it forever, but if they see something (for example, like how shy i am with talking in english(english isnt my native language) then they will mention it always). thats why i want go to his place first, because i dont want my family blackmail my bf or make wrong thoughts about him before i get to know him better (i hope you understand what i mean)
im sorry about your cousin and i hope it wont happen with us
@Polymetis123 (5)
•
14 Nov 11
It sounds as if you are mature enough and focussed enough to handle an LDR. If you are doing skype every night, you have something solid and real.
I needed to move away from my bf for 4 months for work reasons after we'd been together for only a few months, and I've found that talking every night has really deepened our relationship. In an LDR, you actually get to know each other and it's not just about a physical hook-up -- after the time you two have been communicating, you know that you really like each other as people.
Your family is being overprotective -- but that is because they love you and want to make sure you don't get hurt.
One thing that might help -- can you introduce your family to him over webcam? And ask to meet his family that way? Once you know each others' families that will establish a real sense of commitment and make the families happier.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
14 Nov 11
thanks :)
yes, i find out too after a while i was chatting with him, that i like him so much as person, and i feel like i know him for years already, cos we both now know each other how we act when we are happy, sad, angry, caring, jealous, like in every relationships. and if go something wrong we dont wait but we talk about it straight away.
maybe, but with that feels like they dont want that im happy that i have someone who to love and care about, and that hurt the most. and that they always think they are right..
my mum saw him in webcam already long time ago, and when she see him she wave at him with her hand like saying hi, and he do same to her and also to others.. and i also saw his sister and mum, and we do same, even his mum want that we meet and ask to him about me and ask how im going :)) im so happy about it cos it means she likes me :)
but my mum never saw his mum, and his mum didnt saw my mum, so someday when there will be chance we will introduce also our mums :)
@aprilsong (1884)
• China
14 Nov 11
Hi,my friend, i can understand your sadness: on the one hand, your family members want you break up with your boyfriend, on the other hand, you love him so much and don't believe he is a liar.
Well,first, i think you should cool down and talk with your family members, in doing so, you can know what makes them feel that your boyfriend is lying to you. There is a saying goes: A bystander is always clear-minded, and there is also another saying which goes: Love is blind. And another important thing is that family members, especially those older members, really love you and think thing for you, they are worrying about the future of yours. Actually, i have seen and read so many stories about family members disagree with one's relationship because they don't think it is a good match.
For you, since it is a long distance relationship, long distance relationship by itself is very hard. And now with your family members' disagree, it becomes harder. What i want to say is: how is the chance you move together in the future? If it is slim, then it is better give it up as soon as possible, because the more time you with him, the more hurt you will get.
If you two are really in love and have a strong will to be together in the future, i think it is better to take him to your family members and have a good talk. To eliminate the misunderstanding and to get support from your family members. Anyway, a relationship with family members' good wish is a good relationship.
The last sentence i want to say is: your parents and siblings' love is true love. (boyfriend and girlfriend's love maybe fake or can change easily)
