When you fight over stupid things...
By Timeout
@Timeout (419)
November 16, 2011 5:37am CST
My boyfriend just stormed out of my house, and all because of a pair of jeans...
All started last Saturday. My washing machine stopped working in the middle of a washing, the clothes were soaking wet, even when I tried to dry them, after that they had a mossy smell on them... but I had no clean trousers, so I sprayed one of them with deodorant and went to my boyfriend's house to make him company (sometimes he works at home). After a while I complained about my trousers, they smelled like a wet towel left for two days inside a plastic bag. He asks me if I want to wash them there and I say ok but that I don't have any other. I ask him if I can borrow a pair from him and he says he will give me ones in a bit. After that I take my jeans off and I ask him if he can give me the pair of jeans now because I'm cold. He says after dinner he will and gives me a blanket instead. I wait in the sofa watching telly, while the pizza bakes in the oven, then we eat it.
After that he put my trousers in the radiator and goes upstairs. I thought he was getting the trousers for me but he came with nothing, and I asked him where are the trousers he was gonna lend me. I sounded a bit out of patience I must admit, because I dont like to walk with a blanket around me. He says that that is not the way to ask for stuff, and if I don't ask nicely and apologize I won't get any trousers. I ask why do I have to apologize and he keeps saying I must do it for talking to him like that. I suggest he didn't want to give me any jeans for some reason and is using it as an excuse. He sits down again without replying and I throw the blanket at him, he says I won't get trousers that way either. That gets on my nerves, so I pick up my wet jeans and I say I will go for a walk because I am too angry now. I really thought on not coming back but after calling a friend and have a cup of tea together, I came back to his house. Hugs-blahblahblah-cheesy scene and he suddenly worries about me catching a cold for wearing wet trousers, he makes me take them off and finally gives me a clean pair of jeans. And I thought that was the end of the problem, until today. He came to visit me and when he was gonna leave, I kiss him and say I love him. He says he loves me too even if I'm crazy. I ask why and says I act childish if things aren't done in my way. Then I went mad and said I was cold and I was not comfortable in a blanket, he starts again saying I command him as if he was my lil bish that has to obey me on everything. We start an argument about if I was angry or not, I say I wasn't, just a bit out of patience because I asked him 3 times and he just said "later"... he doesn't wanna understand that part, and keeps saying if things aren't done on my way I get mad. Which is not true because if he told me he wouldn't give me any from the very first moment I would have understood.
I tried to explain him that I was angry because he kept putting it off, then he wanted me to apologize without reason and then he starts this stupid argument again when everything was over. He says it was ME who started it by asking why... so I asked him to leave and he did.
I haven't been so pissed off for a long time. I can't understand why something so stupid ended being so big... well thanks for reading. I would appreciate your sincere opinion about the matter.
6 responses
@kaeirole (668)
• Philippines
17 Nov 11
that's really a different thing..first thing's first..if you're boyfriend really cares, he should have got you a pair of pants right away, without waiting for you to ask, when you were about to take off yours to wash them there..i don't understand why a very simple things turned complicated with your boyfriend..and because he's your boyfriend and you're fond of staying in his house, isn't it ok with him if you're gonna get those pair of pants by yourselves?weren't you allowed to touch his things?
1 person likes this
@Timeout (419)
•
18 Nov 11
Hi kaeirole, he said he got annoyed because the third time I asked I sounder like he was my slave, which was not my intention, then he told me to apologize for that and as I didn't feel like I did something that deserves an apology I got annoyed aswell. I should have fetched them myself yes, but he has his funny little ways sometimes (for example he makes a fuss if I spill a bit of milk while making a cup of tea, and says I am messy and clumsy, no matter if I explain him that is fixed by just weeping it), but when we talked I said that next time I will fetch them myself, and he said ok.
@cassije74 (247)
• Philippines
17 Nov 11
Hello Timeout! upon reading your story i remind of some situation i had experience just recently.Sometimes we forgot to be sensitive enough for other's feeling and mood. We tend to realize and forgot our patience plays important part of the situation. Men in nature has a higher ego than women, and we, as women don't want to be underestimated and dominated by men against our will without valid reason. I think your boyfriend's mind at that time is that he wants your humbleness in asking the jeans because he knew that you badly needed it, and he used that moment to see that aspect from you a process of teaching you to be responsible,patient and submissive or maybe he just want confirmation that you are not that immature and childish as you think you may be when things are not given to you.
You have each other's point of view. I think you are the type of person who is straightforward and honest of your true feelings.Being true to ourself sometimes creates conflicts and arguments with others because they too shows their own true feelings just what we did and the result will end up in frustration, bitterness, angriness, hatred and all the negative influence will pop up into our heart. And that is i believe the works of the devil to keep us away from focusing good things God wants us to be.
I suggest, once the problem is over, do not bring the topic back again. It is just like reboiling the water again without consuming.
I happened to experience the same thing as you did with just a simple thing like "asking him what drinks would he want me to serve him?" and he ask for a coffee and i replied i had prepared roiboss tea for you and his voice raised up at me saying "why are you asking me what i want where you already prepared tea for me?" i was surprised by his actions and his answer was unexpected to me. I asked him back " what is wrong in asking? are you not happy enough i ask you something?" he replied " you gave me an option where i don't have an option" there the argument begins....
I pray and asked God to give me patient or else... God gave me the answer in my heart and make me realize that i was overpowering the person by insisting my ideas before.Men don't want to be overpowered.And i can discern that he has grudges for me at that time and so he just easily flare up with me with just simple things.
I realize that i wasn't able to forgive him or he wasn't yet able to forgive me that much or rather wounds not yet healed and make it bring back again to a present situation and it hurts. Being humble and forgiving are key factors to keep the relationship stick together.
@cassije74 (247)
• Philippines
22 Nov 11
I am happy for you Timeout ! that i made you feel better now... in this way, i make myself happy too... I am happy if someone is happy, and i felt sad when someone is sad. That is why everyone of us need each other's company in order to give encouragement to one another. Sometimes we seek someone whom we can cling to and give comfort. I give the best way i can give, and share my experiences too when necessary just to share the importance of togetherness or at least i could give out something refreshing to person to brighten their life. Thanks for considering me as part of it... It has been appreciated and valued...
Enjoy ! keep close to each other and accept individual differences as well to make both of you stick together.
@Timeout (419)
•
18 Nov 11
Sorry to hear you had an argument with your boyfriend too, he completely over reacted, he could have said that in a joke way, but not seriously. I mean, you just made him know that you prepared roiboss tea in case he wanted some, you never meant that was the only option.
Now we talked and we are ok, you were right, he was angry because he thought I was commanding him as if he was my slave, I never meant him to feel that way, I said that I had goosebumps in my legs and was a bit out of patience, that is all. Next time I'll fetch them myself, it's just sometimes he makes big fusses out of small things, and I didn't want him to complain about me opening his drawers.
Thanks for your message, it really made me feel better!
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
16 Nov 11
People do fight over stupid things. I think this just happens esp. if things don't work the way we thought it out.
I know how annoying a broken washing machine is and how the wet laundry smells.. mine is just broke (again). So is my friends :-( How come they have such a short life nowadays?
Sounds to me your boyfriend was in a bad mood also (one reason or an other). Perhaps he wanted more attention/listening ear from you but you are busy with that machine/your jeans.
So from one word comes an other. Men think/react different as women. As long as we both know that we also know we communicate different.
Men also want to have/get their right and if you tell them something they think they have to save you and you want an advice or answer.
So you two were just on an other road. He kept hanging in getting his right and getting your excuses for nothing. Ignore it. If he really loves you he will understand this too. If not he is not worth all the energy and time.
@Timeout (419)
•
18 Nov 11
Hi Wakeupkitty!
We talked yesterday about it and he said he just didn't like the way I talked to him when I asked him for third time, as if I was commanding him and he was my slave. It was not my intention.
And about the washing machine, it was the 44 minutes program the one that doesn't work (it stops when there's 15 mins left and they appear weird symbols). But the rest of the programs work fine, I am now using the 29 minutes one. Hope your washing machine gets fixed soon! :)
@boyuancy (1708)
• India
16 Nov 11
Hi Timeout. As you realize yourself that it is a small issue I do think you should not think about it too much. I know it can be uneasy sitting without your trousers for awhile but you kinda over reacted. Again it was sort of wrong on your bf's art also to ignore you. But guys can get cranky and get p****d off easily. You can make it up to him pretty easy, make him feel special or something. It will work out and is a part and parcel of a relationship. Good Luck.
