what would you rather have?a complete but dysfunctional or "incomplete" family?

I had my mother, and she worked, but it didn't take away from our relationship. okay, she couldn't come to all of our school assemblies like some of the other parents, but she gave me a good work ethic. she worked hard to support me. she also put me first in everything, was always there for me when I needed her, and I never once felt like she wouldn't support me in everything I could do. some people have both parents under the same roof, and don't have that level of support and commitment from two parents that I got from one. this isn't to say I had one parent. it's a mistake to say that you only have one parent if they separate. you have two. and both of those parents CAN have a great deal of value in your life. however my dad wasn't a nice man. he was in my life until I was old enough to decide I just didn't want to see him anymore. he was narrow minded, bigoted and full of hate and spite. and when I decided I wanted nothing more to do with him, my mum didn't make me keep contact. contact was always on my own terms. it was my own choice that took him out of my life, not my mums choice to separate from him. I got more from my single working mum (a single, working, Mum, and a Pagan single working Mum at that. how much would the media that demonises mothers for doing the best for their children alone consider that a recipe for disaster?) and I grew up with morals, dignity, work ethic, a value for the worth of money, not settling for a bad relationship because I know I'm worth more, loyalty, compassion and manners. than some people get from two parents living together. I'd have been much worse off in life if they'd stayed together, as some do, "for the children" you know, sometimes the best thing you can do for a childs emotional well being is separate when a relationship turns bad. staying together won't make them feel more stable and secure if there are arguments, sniping comments. or worse, violence. that is not a stable family. two separated parents is a far more stable family than two parents stuck together because they think it's for the best, but with no love.

very well said Galena.

i agree with you. it might sound trite and all but i guess it IS the quality--may it be the number of parents involved or the amount of time they give for their kids--rather than the quantity in a manner of speaking...

i guess the difficulty also comes in in terms of people not wanting to see/admitting they dont belong together. thanks for sharing that Galena :)

I think it would be better to have one parent and a functional environment, rather than two parents and a disfuntional environment.

i dearly love your metaphor. and yes in situations that the only resolution to a problem is separation of the couple, even if it does ultimately lead to better circumstances, it does not discount the fact that something is lost in the process. but i guess, this is where making the best out of things come in.

good choices. lol, not that i have the authority to give the final say on such choices :P but i guess the vital thread/theme in this is, for the children to have at least one parent--even a parental figure--who can freely and willingly dole out love, concern, and care to the child/children :)

you bring to light a point that i think most of us wanted to state: that being a "parent" is not a matter of just giving birth to the kid or sharing their DNA, a "parent" could be someone totally unrelated by blood to the kid but in reality be the one who meets the needs--may it be emotional and/or otherwise--of the child

i hear you almond24...facing and opting for separation is not the easiest to recognize as an option much more a choice to make...but as you said, sad though it can be, there are times when there is no other solution

hmmm you're right, if there's one good thing that comes out of having to go through such trials is that we learn to be stronger and better persons despite of, in spite of, the environment we were brought up in :)

good to know that you overcame the downside of growing up in a dysfunctional family. :)

what struck me the most in your response was the word "peace". it is something one has to work for to achieve, may it be in terms of making do with what one has or rising above one's not so ideal situation, like you said, people who still manage to come out of it as good citizens :)