Life is too difficult for me
@Masihi (4413)
Canada
November 19, 2011 9:51am CST
Seriously, it is. I won't go into details but it seems like I'm always saying or doing something wrong. I can't act right, I guess. I let things bother me too much. I get so depressed I just want to hole myself inside, me and my knitting needles or books and forget about everything and everybody. I find the relationships are so hard to maintain. I just want to give up.
5 people like this
21 responses
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
19 Nov 11
Life's pretty difficult for me too. I feel like I'm always trying to make everything perfect. But lately, I'm learning that life is not supposed to be perfect... it's supposed to be my own. My ideals and reality really conflict so I'm trying to let go of my ideals these days to see just my reality.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
20 Nov 11
That's a good idea, because ideals are only fantasises, I know I used to daydream about ideals and making amends with biological family, that sort of thing. But I know now reality and have to face it.
@r3jcorp (1382)
• Philippines
20 Nov 11
We are riding on the same boat, maybe having the same destination. A very rocky life but I'm sure in God's time, things will fall into its proper places. Everything happens for a reason, maybe it would take time before we know the reason and appreciate what we are going through now. My misery only is that my family is also suffering from a mistake I did in the past, that is trusting too much from a friend. Maybe this is only a test of faith, patience and love, and after passing this test, we will reap the reward. I am looking forward for the time that we both survive this test and share with you any reward accepted. Let's pray hard and be patient! Goodluck and God Bless you and your family!
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
22 Nov 11
By making mistakes you learn and grow. You need to not beat yourself up, or agonize over them. However, I will let you in on a secret. . . I do it too. I just am not as willing to tell people these things. I talk with my daughter though. You know, our kids are so much fun when they grow up to be big people. I would say my kids are around your age.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
19 Nov 11
I think that you are having a stressful time in your life right now. In life it is possible to have some downs and ups. I believe that you need a day out to relax and feel a bit better. One way to feel a little happier is to clean, tidy and clutter clear where you live. I know that going to a swimming pool and spa might help you feel calmer and happier. When you speak try using a positive tone of voice and smile every now and then. Taking small steps will help you feel much better I am sure. Good luck.
3 people like this
@JHEZ924 (119)
• Philippines
19 Nov 11
Well, giving up is not the solution to that. In your case, I think its better for you to expose yourself into lighter side of life. Take everything lighter. Think positive and you'll be in the positive side. Have activities that will boost your self esteem. And always remember that there is no relationship that is not hard to maintain. All relationship needs an effort to maintain.
3 people like this
@bird123 (10643)
• United States
19 Nov 11
HOLD IT!! HOLD IT!!! We can't be giving up just when you are doing so well!! Let me explain something to you. Life is about learning and growing as people. How can anyone learn doing and saying just the right thing?? It's important to be ourselves not only for us but for those around us. Our interactions create Drama, however that is where the learning is. The actions from everyone including you bring out the issues and problems that people need to address. It is part of everyone's learning. OK. Pick youself up. Dust yourself off. Get back into sharing that which is special about you with those in your life. Share that view they are blind to until you shine your light. If we break a few eggshells, go in with the hugs,unconditional love and kindness. Remember, life would be pretty boring without a few challenges. Now, get back in there, this world and the people in your life need you in it whether they realize this or not!!
3 people like this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
20 Nov 11
Trouble is, some people in my life are so full of high emotions, and with my mental health problems these situations just send me off to bed or an alone spot. I refuse to fight with people because it doesn't accomplish anything.
@francesca5 (1344)
•
20 Nov 11
hello masihi,
are you sure you are always doing things wrong, or is it just a critical voice in your head telling you you are doing things wrong?
i had a very critical mother, and sometimes, even now, i say something perfectly reasonable, and then i sit there telling myself that i shouldn't have said it, it was wrong, even though it wasn't.
and sometimes we do surround ourselves with difficult people because that's what we are used to.
but this is a very complicated issue, though there's a lot of advice on it. but don't let it get you down, i am absolutely sure you are not doing or saying anything wrong at all.
2 people like this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
I'm trying to figure it out for myself, actually, and I'm confused, really. I know people expect so much from me and then they get mad at me if I don't conform to what they want me to be, I've always had these type of people in my life, both of my foster homes. Just this weekend I had to cut off a former foster sister because she was saying all kinds of hurtful things to me over the weekend. I was never that close to her anyway, but still it hurt because she refused to work it out, instead she blamed everything on me.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
I am on a waiting list for therapy, the intake worker said I should be able to have my first appointment by the new year.
@francesca5 (1344)
•
22 Nov 11
critical people bring very complicated problems. i've been learning about projection, and sometimes critical people will project their insecurities onto us, so instead of admitting that they have a problem they tell us we do. so they tell us that we are what they are scared that they are, like if they are selfish they tell us we are selfish, and a child will absorb these things and assume they are true.
its a shame that you found yourself in foster homes that didn't give you what you needed, but if people are always criticising you then you have to cut them off, as it just reinforces our insecurities, and that is not helpful
good luck with figuring it out, there are a lot of helpful books out there, though ideally its worth seeing a good counsellor, as then you can really talk these things through, and find out the unconscious negative messages that you have received from other people that you now maybe use to beat yourself up with.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
20 Nov 11
You are really conscientious about trying to have these good relationships, and that is admirable. Most relationships require people working from both directions to hold them together. This is a time of year where many people get depressed and stressed, and the shorter days do not make it better. Take the time to do some knitting and reading, and enjoy a nice cup of tea. Those of us who are critical of ourselves tend to take everything to heart and feel despair. You have a lot of friends here. You can talk and we will listen. I hope we reflect the good person you are back to you so you can see how precious you are. Oh, and no one acts right all of the time. We just cannot. And the person I usually act the worst toward is the one who loves me the best.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
22 Nov 11
From all I hear about the drama on Facebook, the more I am glad that I am not there very much. Was this person also a foster child or was she a bio child? Either way, she may have been jealous, and still may be, no matter how she pretends otherwise.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
No, just a foster child, who has been adopted by our former foster mother. There's no way she can get jealous of me at all because she already has an education, she's doing a job that she loves, she rents a flat with her boyfriend, and has a happy life surrounded by family and friends. I guess I just struck a nerve and she really reacted very badly. She was P-I-S-S-E-D!
@taheraa (1545)
• Giza, Egypt
20 Nov 11
Hi,
Let me re-type your statement "It seems like I'm always saying or doing something wrong" ". Why you feel like that, is your friend or family blame you or refuse some behavior or action from you. Try to trust your self, try to love people around to get their love. If you have a faithful friends, ask him or her about your self, they will clear to you the wrong things in your acting, try to get their advice as serious as possible.
Finally, get red of stress, trust, and love will change every things in our life.
@taheraa (1545)
• Giza, Egypt
22 Nov 11
Misunderstanding is our problem, people should try to understand their friends and/or others around, to knew their personality key, and get the easy way to deal with them.
By the way, do you try to understand, the reason for getting your friend saying so many hurtful things to you. your behavior and act, just get you cut her off from your Facebook, you do not try to knew why she do or act like that.
How to communicate with people it is your problem.
My best regard for you.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
She told me out and out that she doesn't care about my past issues and that she's not willing to look at my perspective. She then told me to leave her alone and that whatever happened to her is none of my business.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
Ya, I have a lot of people in my life who seemed to blow up at me and stuff. Ever since I was a kid. I'm a peacekeeper, and I don't like conflict. I try very hard to please people but it seems like their standards are too high for me. Just this weekend I had to cut someone off of my facebook because she was saying so many hurtful things to me. I guess I feel like a failure, I try so hard...
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
20 Nov 11
Hi Masihi,
I'm sorry you are so down! I think the best way to change these kinds of things is to make changes in our lives. Pinpoint what or who is causing you this sort of depression. Is it the people in your life, your job, co-workers? Whenever I get frustrated with life, I try to pinpoint it and then change whatever it is that is bothering me.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
22 Nov 11
Yes, it actually works pretty well. Even if it is someone that I can't completely cut out of my life, I can limit my personal involvement with them. If your foster sister was saying hurtful things then you did the right thing in cutting her out. Good luck with your therapy, Masihi! Hope it helps. You deserve to be happy in your life.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
That's a good idea, actually. This past weekend I had to cut off a former foster sister from my facebook because she was saying hurtful things at me too much. I'm trying to change myself into a better person, and am slated to go to therapy beginning in the new year.
@bagarad (14283)
• Paso Robles, California
20 Nov 11
Masihi, lot's of people are under stress in these tough financial times. That makes them perceive even things that aren't meant to be unkind as personal attacks sometimes. My husband is under a lot of stress with a tenant he's been trying to evict so he can deal with violations of city code this tenant created some of. He had to have all the violations fixed in 60 days, and it's not easy to do it with her still there. This apartment is three hours away, and he was still there at 7 PM after being there all day. If he is able to come home tonight, he will be very tired and stressed. That means I will be walking on eggshells, hoping I won't say anything he takes the wrong way. Sometimes even if you are trying to be sensitive, almost anything is taken wrong when the other person is stressed out and overly sensitive.
When he comes home tonight, I will offer him cup of hot tea and listen if he feels like talking. If he doesn't, and just wants to go to sleep, I'll make it as easy for him to do that easily as possible and try not to say anything unless spoken to first.
I also am not very human when I first wake up. So I stay upstairs and check my email and such until I feel more human and sociable. Otherwise, I'm grumpy. When you are in certain moods, it is better to avoid people if possible until the mood of the condition changes. Likewise, there are times when my husband is grumpy and I need to let him be, too. know yourself and your people, and try to know when being sociable is optimal.
2 people like this
@chillmaik (67)
• Philippines
20 Nov 11
those are challenges in life..it is normal to fail..don't lose hope..i get depressed too and feel helpless but we shouldn't stay in that stage..we should learn to accept and move on and do our best with whatever tasks we have
2 people like this
@bashabasha (400)
• Philippines
20 Nov 11
Keep fighting! Life is not easy all of us facing many difficuties in life just keep believing and pray to our Almighty God. . I will pray for you to our almighty GOD to give you more courage and wisdom to face all the difficulties in life. I experienced that too but i get over it! just keep praying and believing. GOD loves you.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
I don't like fighting. I prefer keeping peace and serenity in my life.
@bashabasha (400)
• Philippines
22 Nov 11
no ,Its not what i mean. I mean Be strong :). lets be happy and make it a habit!so we will never feel difficulties in life. forget that things that will make you sad.
1 person likes this
@sukumar794 (5040)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
20 Nov 11
Life in fact is getting more and more difficult for all of us. With problems surmounting it is but natural that you get dejected and quite a lot of depressed.It is for you to learn lessons from bitter experiences and take things on a challenging scenario to meet most of the crises.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
I am working on learning from my expeeriences, but I suppose it's me trying to fit in society when people expect me to act the way they want me to act, and now I just feel like giving up.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
20 Nov 11
Hi Masihi, first of all remember that all of us go through such phases in life when we find everything around us depressing and not worth the trouble! I have been through such a situation and I know it is hard.But again, there is a solution to everything in life and I firmly believe that it is in your own hands to make things better for yourself.Stop worrying about anybody or anything else and concentrate on yourself and even if I sound cliched - do take up some hobby and keep yourself busy all the time. Lastly ,please don't blame yourself for everything, be your natural self . I agree that relationships are the hardest to maintain, we have to work at it, but again it is a matter of give and take and one can only do so much ! all the best and take care 
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
I do a lot of knitting, reading, baking, and walking, and I spend a lot of time with my kids. I do have a good husband and 2 lovely children, and I spend a lot of time with them, just the 4 of us, it's a wonderful feeling.
I guess I'm a type of person who wants to be accepted in society and people just seem to have high expectations of me, and I can't conform to their ways, no matter how hard I try.
@allknowing (136384)
• India
20 Nov 11
This relationship thing is the hardest for all I bet you. My advice to you would be to stick to those who contribute to your survival and ignore the rest. This is a new trend in the world today and the earlier you learn to pick wheat from chaff the better it will be for you.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
Ya, I know, I mean I just cut off a former foster sister off my facebook because of all the hurtful things she been saying to me, and it was affecting me and my family so much that my husband told me to cut her off.
@Rosa26 (2618)
• United States
20 Nov 11
Don't give up keep going, sit relax and think how to solve your problems, everything happen for a reason,but everything have a solution.
“In life you are going to make mistakes, you're going to fall down, but it's the getting up that counts. Just like in baseball: you'll get a few hits, but most likely, you'll strike out more than you'll get on base. But don't quit. Find your focus, relax, take a deep breath and give it a good swing" Dave Pelzer - A Man Called Dave
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
I'm thinking of just backing away from society and just leaving everyone alone. It has been an extremely intense weekend, and I just need to heal. I did cut off the relationship that was hurting me and my family, though. (former foster sister)
@Dassodils (2010)
• India
21 Nov 11
Hai friend...I agree with you...It's very hard to deal a life in a good condition...We have to take care of the each and every steps that we made in our life....If we sill not care about that, The relations will not be with us...The people will go to the other one who gives them more care and love than us...So we have to take care of the all people...Life is very difficult to face..But we have to fight with that...We borned as a human being...so we have to live or make a fight with life to escape from problems..If there have no problems, It will not be real life...All people should have the will power to fight with others...Don't worry friend...So cheer up....God will help you...
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
22 Nov 11
I just wish people are willing to work out issues instead of blaming me all the time.
