Cruel are the twists and turns of life, fate, and such. (random ramblings)

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we ppl want to feel "that connection," the sense of belonging. friends. family. love. but what becomes of those who have none, or are s near none, as to not make much a difference. to exisit, but to what point? some, who can stand the pain of isolation and loneliness harm others and themselves, until or unless they decide to end it. the only other solution seems to be to shut oneself down, tho this is imperfect. whenever one encounters someone, there still remains that deep wired desire to...belong. thus, the gates are slightly parted, in hopes of something good. yet time and again, this has proven futile. family hasnt been available...all tied up in their own lives. a sister and her fiancee, seen but maybe once a year. parents, who are in name, only. the pa who is the same as damnation. the ma who chose her own life, over that of her child. what sort of family is that, where the one can't tell where their lives and, and the one's begins? friends are there, and yet, aren't enough. they share companionship, and moments of pain and joy, but just. there remains barriers unable to be broached. love. is it good? it's a 4-letter word. people have killed over it. wars, such as the greeks and trojans, have been fought. lives snuffed out in the thunderous explosion, as the eye blinks. how many people go through life, but never find "the one." how often must one go through, thinking that they have found "them," only to brutally have the reality beat them into a bloody mess, leaving but an unrecognizable husk behind? betrayal seems to be a constant companion to those who seek love, only to be denied. how often must one be flayed, constantly denied the joy of the heart? how many people wind up settling? how many marry because of something like pregnancy, and not because of love? how many times must one find false love? a user, who takes advantage of a kind heart, to benefit their own happiness, leaving the used behind in the dust. a storm, not knowing what it wants, and the one who comes to the storm, offering it calm and peace, only for the storm to give it's passion to not one, but two others...woe to those in that fall out. finding a soul mate, only to find out that they are almost literally worlds apart, being parted by land near as distant as an ocean. times spent, loosely as they are, parted by the great distance, are a wonder. they share the torn shreds and remains of their hearts, perhaps hoping to mutually mend that which has been shattered, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. the pain is shared, and for a time, the burdens appear as if they may actually lighten. hope, as cynical as it may seem to have, pokes through the darkness, with a pinprick of light, seeming more precious than anything. can this be it? has the long journey that is life finally had it's reward? feeling every waking moment in the fullest detail, the years, made up of so many seconds, the burden is heavy, and the thought of it being eased seems impossible. and perhaps, it just is. the miles that separate may be too much, and overwhelming. the other meets someone, and the other is fascinated with this new person. the new one impresses the other, in ways that the one can't begin to hope to compete with. stories of experiences told. opportunities for the future. a fascination that cannot be matched, for the simple fact that the miles are too far, and the one and the other may not meet for months, if at all. so, does it become a meaningless journey, once more? what can the one do, to gain the love of the other, when the new one is there, and the other cannot come close? what can the one do, as what the one can offer, is but mere tokens? has it all been for nothing? was the time spent, and the feelings built, a waste? what purpose is there? is there a future, or will it remain a never-ending sense of unfullfilment and being unforgiven?