Atheist friends when you are very spiritual
By freedomg
@freedomg (1684)
United States
November 22, 2011 7:43am CST
So I have a very good friend that I have grown to consider family over the past 4 years. About a year ago I found out that she is an atheist which really didn't bother me at first. I believe that everyone's relationship with the Lord is a deeply personal choice and one that only they can make, including those who choose to not have a relationship at all. Then one evening while we were sitting in a courthouse (of all places) she decides to inform me that her son repeated something to my daughter about people that believe in Gad and wanted to have me hear it from her first, was AWESOME right. I would prefer it that way as well. Then she tells me what it was...
My friend believes the "people that believe in God and the Devil and that they have an impact on our daily lives and influence how people act are STUPID". 
My first thought was "Did this woman just call me and my entire family stupid to my face?!?".
Now I have a short temper (something I'm working on) and a strong connection with my Lord, she has known this the whole time we have been friends. I bring up the bible or God at least 3 times a day and use my faith as not only a guide in this life but as a source of hope when things get really bad for me. So while her choice of locations to share this with me (we had been together all day)at the time just convenient so I would not able to respond as I might normally have had there not been so many people (most with badges) around. So I just nodded and bit my tongue and have kept it bit since then.
Now that this has been said between us she has taken a strange new position of arguing the atheist point of view and is often trying to point out scientific "proof" that there is no God. As well as while I have tried to keep the lord out of our conversations when something does slip, which is rarely, she gives me this look like I'm retarded or at least naive and tends to make little comments like "How could you really believe in something you can not see nor have any solid proof of?".
Though my answer is often if you can teach that black holes are "real" without being able to see them nor having any solid proof of their existence how is God any difference. In science if there is no solid proof but enough people agree that it is very possible then they can call it a theory and teach it in schools as fact. Yet when it's God and angels, or the devil and demons at question the scientific community tends to laugh at us and act as if they would like to pat us on our lil heads and send us back to bed with a drink of warm milk.
I am very seriously trying to find a way to save this relationship as she is a great woman and one of only 3 friends I have in the real world. How does one get past this. I know my friend and she is not one that deals well with confrontation well in fact if she feels threatened at all or even offended she tends to just cut off all ties. Our daughters are best friends that sit together at school and even joined scouts together (yes I see the irony of an atheist girl scout we won't even go there), I don't want to do anything to mess up that for them either. HELP PLEASE.
My first thought was "Did this woman just call me and my entire family stupid to my face?!?".
Now I have a short temper (something I'm working on) and a strong connection with my Lord, she has known this the whole time we have been friends. I bring up the bible or God at least 3 times a day and use my faith as not only a guide in this life but as a source of hope when things get really bad for me. So while her choice of locations to share this with me (we had been together all day)at the time just convenient so I would not able to respond as I might normally have had there not been so many people (most with badges) around. So I just nodded and bit my tongue and have kept it bit since then.
Now that this has been said between us she has taken a strange new position of arguing the atheist point of view and is often trying to point out scientific "proof" that there is no God. As well as while I have tried to keep the lord out of our conversations when something does slip, which is rarely, she gives me this look like I'm retarded or at least naive and tends to make little comments like "How could you really believe in something you can not see nor have any solid proof of?". Though my answer is often if you can teach that black holes are "real" without being able to see them nor having any solid proof of their existence how is God any difference. In science if there is no solid proof but enough people agree that it is very possible then they can call it a theory and teach it in schools as fact. Yet when it's God and angels, or the devil and demons at question the scientific community tends to laugh at us and act as if they would like to pat us on our lil heads and send us back to bed with a drink of warm milk.
I am very seriously trying to find a way to save this relationship as she is a great woman and one of only 3 friends I have in the real world. How does one get past this. I know my friend and she is not one that deals well with confrontation well in fact if she feels threatened at all or even offended she tends to just cut off all ties. Our daughters are best friends that sit together at school and even joined scouts together (yes I see the irony of an atheist girl scout we won't even go there), I don't want to do anything to mess up that for them either. HELP PLEASE.4 people like this
7 responses
@iuliuxd (4453)
• Romania
22 Nov 11
The only thing you can do is to avoid talking about religion and to ask her not to call religious people stupid because that hurts you.There is no reason to talk about religion with someone who doesn`t believe in God you should focus your efforts to save your own soul instead of trying to save someone else`s .
There is a juridical truth a notion totally different from what we think about the truth.Also there is a religious truth totally different and for an atheist it`s very hard to use his logic to understand that truth.Almost all fathers of the church when asked about why someone with high moral values but who doesn`t believe in God can`t go to heaven have answered " Because sooner or later he will start to insult God ".Almost all christians are doing it too because once you want to understand more and more you will start to ask yourself questions and use your limited logic to question the unlimited.That`s why the simple people are more happy with their God than someone who asks questions.That doesn`t mean we should stop asking questions it`s human nature to try and find more about everything and to question everything but we must know that getting some answers and understanding the christian truth is not that easy.
So tell your friend it hurts you when she calls religious people "stupid " and if she wants to be your friend she will stop doing it and you two can talk about everything else.Come on 2 girls have a lot to talk about why are you talking about God anyway ? What happened with Oprah and soap operas ? :D
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Nov 11
Yeah, I just think it's better to save the religious dialog for people that want to hear it. The best way to pizz someone off is to being up religion. There's even great differences in beliefs between people of different denominations. A lot of hatred... so I avoid it.
1 person likes this
@iuliuxd (4453)
• Romania
23 Nov 11
It is even worse on a public forum/website because there are some people who will start to insult others beliefs every time,even if you ask a simple question.The christians are not better either some of them will start to tell others how bad they are and how they will go to hell, it`s not someone`s business to send people to hell and a christian should be more concerned about himself.So the best thing you can do is to ignore those who insult you and if you want to be a friend with someone who has a different religion or no religion try to make a set of rules and make sure both of you respect the other`s beliefs.Being an atheist or a christian doesn`t make you smart or stupid.Insulting other people`s beliefs will make you look stupid.
1 person likes this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
14 Dec 11
First,PointlessQuestions, you are right. My Mom used to say that the quickest way to lose a friend is to discuss religion, politics or money. I should listen to her more often. Though since I have started to keep God out of my discussions I have come to realize that it does come up a lot. So many of my life choices are based on scripture and when asked why I do this, that, or the other thing I now find my self searching for other reasons to support my decisions so I don't have to say "Well in the old testament... or the Ten commandments say...". I'm trying but it's interesting. I am learning a lot though in the science department that supports my lifestyle as well. Who would have thought it.
Second,iuliuxd, yes many people like to take cheap shots at those of us who are very religious. While I don't understand atheism I don't feel it makes one less intelligent or even less of a person, especially those that were raised that way. I was brought up surrounded be religion in many forms and taught to respect the differences. My friend grew up in the world of science and "solid facts" and that makes it very hard for her to understand anything that has no solid proof. I feel like I need to let people know though that I don't think she intends to be hurtful with her words, I just don't think she understands the weight they carry at times. She is a good hearted person just very scientific and "logical" therefore a skeptic at heart as well.
As for the public forum remark, you are so right and because of this I was nervous posting this here but decided that most of the people on Mylot are mature enough to have such a conversation without getting snarky. This is the ONLY place I would post such a conversation. There has been almost nothing but open, honest and respectful responses to the topic full of helpful advice and warm wished of good luck. Mylotters have yet to let me down.
As for other topics of conversation... we are working on this we really do live in very different worlds. She is into science (even married into the science world) and I'm an artist, I can alter my entire mood with the right music choices while she only listens to talk radio. It will take work but I feel it is going to be worth it.
Thank you both for the replies.
Second,iuliuxd, yes many people like to take cheap shots at those of us who are very religious. While I don't understand atheism I don't feel it makes one less intelligent or even less of a person, especially those that were raised that way. I was brought up surrounded be religion in many forms and taught to respect the differences. My friend grew up in the world of science and "solid facts" and that makes it very hard for her to understand anything that has no solid proof. I feel like I need to let people know though that I don't think she intends to be hurtful with her words, I just don't think she understands the weight they carry at times. She is a good hearted person just very scientific and "logical" therefore a skeptic at heart as well.
As for the public forum remark, you are so right and because of this I was nervous posting this here but decided that most of the people on Mylot are mature enough to have such a conversation without getting snarky. This is the ONLY place I would post such a conversation. There has been almost nothing but open, honest and respectful responses to the topic full of helpful advice and warm wished of good luck. Mylotters have yet to let me down.
As for other topics of conversation... we are working on this we really do live in very different worlds. She is into science (even married into the science world) and I'm an artist, I can alter my entire mood with the right music choices while she only listens to talk radio. It will take work but I feel it is going to be worth it.
Thank you both for the replies.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
29 Nov 11
I'm reading this and as I wonder how to respond the thought comes to me that we should never discuss religion or politics and this is very true.
The fact that the two of you have been such good friends for so long is rare and strange. The fact that your beliefs have just recently crossed over the line is quite sad because the relationship between the two families has now changed.
It's not right for her to teach her kids to disrespect other's beliefs and I really don't know how you can accept and tolerate the fact that she thinks you are stupid in light of your religious beliefs which is what the whole issue must boil down to.
I'm sure you are both mature enough to not upset your young one's friendship but as for anything else, I think it will be too much of a strain. Sad really.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
15 Dec 11
I really hope you can move forward with your friend and maybe just agree to not bring up the subject of religion.
It will be difficult I think in light of what happened. I can sort of see why she would think those with faith are stupid but actually, that can work both ways
. Faith is something she doesn't have and it's really no reason for her to be hurtful so perhaps she has an issue there.
Going on a trip together and being on neutral territory might give you a good opportunity to discuss things...or not. I wish you luck.
. Faith is something she doesn't have and it's really no reason for her to be hurtful so perhaps she has an issue there.
Going on a trip together and being on neutral territory might give you a good opportunity to discuss things...or not. I wish you luck.
@ramonah (211)
• Romania
23 Nov 11
To be honest the only answer is to stop talking to her about it. I mean I'm an atheist too and I don't wanna get into details about this. I never bring the subject up until someone asks and i answer what i feel and know is right. But on the oter hand you can look at this from her perspective. If she chooses not to believe it might be frustrating if you bring up the bible often around her and she has to keep off expressing her own opinion about that. I mean you either both quit speaking about god or atheism or you both speak about it as much. It's only fair.
About her calling you and others stupid. That's a bit harsh from her, yes. But maybe she's just very frustrated that you keep talking about something that she considers unreal and to her it's just nonsense. If a friend would talk nonsense around me all day I would probably stop and tell them to shut up about it, the least. The only way I see it is you two make a pact, just don't talk about religion, or agree to talk but not turn against eachother, or if the differences are that high, express yourselves and find out if there are enough reasons for you to keep being friends. No matter the choice you have to be honest to eachother about it and agree to some terms.
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
14 Dec 11
I appreciate a response based on a similar point of view as hers, that wasn't rude, this is one thing I was really hoping to find on here. I agree that I do need to find other ways to communicate things that I do in my life based on scripture or religion without bringing these elements up. I can see where it would be a bit unnerving for her as well. As for her calling us stupid, especially since the initial comment was made to my 8 year old and not in front of me,well... I'm going to have to let her know it hurt but have decided to forgive the first time and hope there is not a second major insult after I let her know it hurt both of us.
Thank you again for the reply. 
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Nov 11
Hi Freedomg,
You will never win an argument about God or religion. I think rather than get into a debate with this friend, is to keep your distance from her. She has already all but called you and anyone else who believes as you do.. stupid. All I can say is that I hope she is right, because when it is all said and done, I believe every knee WILL bow before God.. believers and non-believers.. each person will have to give an account of their actions and inactions. I will have to account for mine, and you will have to account for yours... and this woman will have to account for hers. Sometimes you just have to dust your hands and your feet off and walk away. I would just stay away from her, just to keep from bringing up the Lord to her. It's hard of you to not talk about the Lord, so it might be best to just ignore her. Sorry to say that, but that way you aren't offending her and she isn't offending you.
1 person likes this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
14 Dec 11
Very sad but honest advice that I hope I will not have to take. Though if it comes down to feeling getting ugly I think I would rather part on civil terms. Though I've got to try and yes there is work that needs to be done on my side as well. Thank you for the post.
@seriousnuts (508)
• Philippines
22 Nov 11
Hi freedomg. I understand that you are having a difficult time right now. You are very devoted to God, and that is why your friend's comments regarding your beliefs greatly disturb you. However, you still value your friendship with this great woman, and you are trying to make this work despite your contrasting beliefs. If it is possible, then avoid at all costs in touching the topic of God and religion to prevent any more conflicts. If it cannot be helped, then at least let your friend know that her comments bother you so she could refrain from making you feel that you are "retarded." My sister had a friend who is also an atheist. The friend won't stop bringing up topics regarding religion and would debate it with my sister. Well, there are some things that people won't agree upon. It's not about finding who is right or wrong, you just have to respect each others' point of view.
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
14 Dec 11
This is very good advise and I really appreciate the help. It is true that I am probably guilty of offending her in some way as well as I have realized, now that I'm trying to not bring up God, that it does come out of my mouth a lot more than I ever noticed. I have decided to work on this as well. Like you said mutual respect is going to be key to keeping my friend.
@polaroidsredwine (509)
• United States
22 Nov 11
I am atheist, and have a few religious friends. We've made a deal that as long as either party doesn't mention anything to get the other riled up on the subject of religion and all matters pertaining to it, then we will not go into a mass debate on the topic. It works. There's a few times when one side or the other slips, but it's fine. Our relationships are fine, and it works beautifully that way - perhaps the both of you could try this method.
On that note, you're mistaking scientific theory with religious beliefs. There are ways to prove the existence of black holes, how they distort light in the universe. On the other hand, there is no way to prove there is any existence of a God, no evidence.
1 person likes this
@polaroidsredwine (509)
• United States
23 Nov 11
Hm, maybe. It would involve us having to hash out a lot of ground rules and knowing what boundaries to set, but it's possible.
1 person likes this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
21 Feb 12
Hiya freedom,
Although this is a bit off track really its the same thing.
I have an Aunt that is a Jehovah Witness a staunch one too very much into her Faith.
All of my life she has stood up for me knowing that there is an enormous gap between us in the Religion sense.
I never once talk about Religion with her as I don´t want to offend her and she does the same with me.
However we both respect each other and have the same amount of affection for each other.
I never once question what she believes and she does the same with me she knows how to manage those kind of things very well without saying a word.
Had and still have a Friend here who is also a Jehovah Witness and the same has always applied here she keeps out of my business in that sense and I keep out of hers and we both get on very well together.
Never once have we had any problems about this kind of thing.
Some of my Family are Atheists but I mind my own business as they do not believe in what I believe in at all so they are there in that and I am here in my own beliefs.
This way if I have a Friend that does not believe in anything it matters not to me sometime somewhere they might believe and there again they might not.xxx
