Have you ever felt so useless and a burden to your family?
By periwinklez
@periwinklez (138)
Philippines
November 26, 2011 7:03am CST
I can't go on pretending I'm okay. It's too much to bear. Can't stop my tears from falling. I keep on trying and finding means other than my day job just to earn a lil bit hoping someday I could provide my parents' need and wants. But I guess my effort is not yet enough and maybe because my fear and inconfidence hinders me to aspire for big things. No guts no glory. So I'm stuck here with my minimal income and consequently, I can't even give my parents a bit. I always had high hopes (though im pessimist, contradicting right?), but i know time is running out for them. When can i share that victory with them? If they are already too old to get up from bed or worst, on their tomb( God forbid :( ). What they see in me is someone selfish, lazy, and "burden" because they keep on worrying when illness strikes me. (I already posted this topic here about my health.) Yes, they are just concerned but the way i hear their words, it's hurting. And saying that they cant wait a lifetime and rely on me just in case i have plans. Yes, they are right. But what hurts the most is that they don't even know a thing and have no idea how much i wanted to give them everything and how it hurts me also not being able to.Maybe i'm at fault also for not opening up to them, it's just so difficult for me. I feel so pathetic and useless now.
3 people like this
13 responses
@alberello (4752)
• Italy
26 Nov 11
Well, I've always been told this: we are all useful, but no one is indispensable.
From what I could tell in your own thread, it seems to me clear a serious situation of distress, also accompanied by poor health.
Of course I am not a doctor, but the only advice that I can give you is to try to beat your depression, is always to try to think positively.
For my part the best wishes.
1 person likes this
@periwinklez (138)
• Philippines
27 Nov 11
I've been battling this emotional side. Being positive helps but sometimes i just breakdown. It's also big factor that I know God whom i always rely on.
Thanks for the advice.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
26 Nov 11
Sometimes families can be unreasonable. I really do hope you will be able to communicate with them. I wonder if they know how you feel inside? And you are not useless. Your life is just as precious as everyone else's life. I've been through a lot myself - rejected by my biological family, and most of my 2 foster families, and while it hurts like the devil, I try to keep my head up and maintain the relationships that I do haveto focus on that.
@periwinklez (138)
• Philippines
27 Nov 11
Wow, you are really strong. I think they don't really know what i feel. Maybe i'm just too depressed, frustrated and guilty. Thanks for reminding that i'm still lucky to have my family to support me. I hope you don't hold any grudges on your families and have forgiven them.
1 person likes this
@periwinklez (138)
• Philippines
27 Nov 11
i think you're a good person. i hope and pray that you settle all the issues once and for all. i know that day will come 'cause you are willing. Godbless you pal.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
27 Nov 11
Some things do really hurt but I'm more than willing to make amends. It's just that I don't want to put up with abuse from them, and it's very draining emotionally. But as it stands now, none of them wants to make amends, and there's nothing I can do about that. I just have to move on, I guess. Maybe some day we'll make amends, I'm ready but they're not, so when they are ready, I'll be able to welcome them back into my life with open arms.
@jasmeena (846)
• Indonesia
27 Nov 11
Well..I am feeling it too right now...over 30s, single and only work as freelancer..I don`t underestimate others working as freelancer and actually I do what I like (teaching English, writing,translating,football match commentator for SEA GAMES Jakarta) however in this world, people see someone is successful,smart if he/she works at the bank,multinational company etc with cars,lots of money while I am too stupid to work for those places, I am not lucky to work abroad with my skill (despite having good opportunity as voice talent for Rosetta Stone for recording in Istanbul,Turkey last year however, my parents didn`t allow me to go). I can`t give them much,but I try my best not to be too dependent on them even though sometimes I ask for their money LOL..my 2012 resolution is to be independent whatever happens,and I want to save my money. I have no personal saving right now.I want to have saving for holiday,future and insurance..DOn`t be too sad, ur not alone.May i know what your job is?
@periwinklez (138)
• Philippines
27 Nov 11
Im nearing 30s single and working as admin asst.hahah!yeah, it's already a mindset for most of us that people that work in such companies are more successful and rich. honestly i even envy them because they look so good in suits, but i dont want to be trapped and forever be under a judgmental eye of our boss. its just a relief knowing that there a lot of people here understands my sentiments. i want to save also more than enough to treat my family or parents to go on a vacation trip. i know it will really make them happy.
@airasheila (5454)
• Philippines
26 Nov 11
a pleasant day periwinklez,
as i have read your topic discussion, i somehow feel the pain that you are experiencing. since we are almost on the same boat. the only difference is, i am not feeling useless, though i feel that i am somehow a burden to them but on a different reason.
as on my part, i can feel that i am a burden in our home because since the time i arrived here six months ago, my mom pushes me to go out and look again for another desk job work. she could not appreciate my presence here. she always tells story that the daughter of her friends are earning that high, then, maybe i can also have that high salary if i dare to apply. it really hurts. honestly, i was working before as an administrator in a consultant company but since we are planning to establish our own family business, so i give way and redirect my career. i resigned for that sake. however, the move that i have done was just put in vain. my mind is really exhausted on thinking this things. same as you are, there are times, i cannot stop my tears from falling. how i wish i can turn back the time where i was still working as an administrator.
@periwinklez (138)
• Philippines
27 Nov 11
i've experienced that also to be compared to others. maybe our parents just want to feel proud and be looked upon especially when asked about their sons and daughters. so it boosts their pride because they've raised a well-educated children whose got a promising career.
we can't turn back time but we can always correct the mistakes and make it better.
as they say, we just have to find that silver lining beyond the clouds. let's be strong to face the storm.
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
26 Nov 11
Somehow, I felt the same on myself, even though I am still healthy. I might be selfish, and useless in many other ways. I couldn't even support my parents, and in the opposite, I need their help quite often. I want to be someone else from time to time, so I can be the genius, to be the millionaire. I wish I can be useful as you want to depict yourself to be.
@periwinklez (138)
• Philippines
27 Nov 11
Those wishes drives and inspire us. And as you try to reach that dream you meet people and experience ups and downs that teaches us to be the person you never taught you can be. Aim high and reach for that star!:)
@tomlawbossking (134)
•
30 Nov 11
i am very sorry to hear your unlucky fate ..at first i feel lucky that i haven't confronted so many serious problems up to now ,your experience help me walk out from my complains about life..what i want to say is there may have a lot of people living harder than you ..some of them even can't type these words,when you watch their life you may change your mind a little bit..my friend stand up..no matter how tough the life is ,the only thing you can do is fight against it.
@periwinklez (138)
• Philippines
4 Dec 11
Thanks for reminding me that I'm still lucky :) . Hoping to put a good fight in every trial. Sometimes things just gets too much and I lose some balance.
@dodo19 (47336)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
26 Nov 11
It does sometimes happen that we feel this way. But I don't think that you should feel this way. All you can do is the best that you can. That's all we can do. And I think that that's all people can expect of us. We can't really do much more than that, in my opinion.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
27 Nov 11
I think that my family believe that I am a burden on them right now, but that's just because they don't understand what I do to earn money. I have to work from home, and it can often mean that I am sat on my laptop for a rather large proportion of the day. They think that I am doing this to be lazy and not do anything else, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I work very hard when I am working from home, and I am actually rather proud of the things that I do, so to be honest with you I'm not going to change that for anyone.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
26 Nov 11
i am sorry to hear about this.
i can relate because i was also a breadwinner when i was younger and have not gotten married yet. there is always that feeling of guilt when i should have not be feeling it because children do not have obligations to their parents. parents should not oblige their children. although in some unique cases where the parents are old already and indisposed, then it is understandable. but generally, children do not have obligations for the entire family.
it is truly frustrating but i was able to get out of the whole situation. it is the guilt that we have to overcome. we need not be guilty at all. have courage and face your weaknesses and make them your strength. God bless.
@periwinklez (138)
• Philippines
27 Nov 11
they don't ask me or anything but there's this untold obligation. i think it's my love and desire to fulfill my promises to them and part of it also is to please them.
i hope i can get out of this too like you. thanks for the encouragement bing. hope you can be my pal.:) BTW, aren't you married til now? It's like i'm heading on that too. As much as possible i wanted to see them comfortable when i get married. But it's never been a problem to me til now 'cause no one bothers or any guy to notice me.hahha
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
27 Nov 11
Well I think you are not alone. A lot of people feel that way too most especially if the family has high expectations for you and you seem to be not living up to their expectations. The best thing to do is to get real. You cannot force yourself to go beyond what you can't get. They have to accept you for what you are and lower their expectations because their son or daughter is not another Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey.
@sijabatnaburjut (2171)
• Indonesia
27 Nov 11
I haven't married and my parents wanted to have kid. I felt that sometime I was useless and burden to my parents if I would not marry sooner. I said clearly that I would marry someday, but my father seemed impatient to wait for the moments. I felt I was under presser and if I kept thinking of it, I would lose my spirit and power. I have promised that I would marry but I just need to wait the right time a little bit. That's what I am saying to my parent when they asked me. I thought that you needed to speak out loud what was going on yourself, so they would feel very sorry for your being. You must be optimist that life will be better tomorrow.
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
26 Nov 11
You feel that way because of your situation. What you can do for now to help both yourself and your parents is not to be depressed, try not to. Look at the brighter side of life. Why not try to open up to them? Tell them what you feel. If you can't at the moment, try putting all your thoughts into writing. It helps. And remember, Someone up there cares :)
@periwinklez (138)
• Philippines
27 Nov 11
yeah..i think they don't know im overly depressed or the people around me even notice it. i don't talk much about my problem. i just don't know how to communicate with them. actually i practice writing my thoughts but i notice that they are all the same so i stopped. but it's really a relief it's like talking to HIM.
@mmgonzales (882)
• Philippines
26 Nov 11
Sometimes i feel useless also but not all the time. Just like the recent months that i am on my way to deliver a child, though I'm in that situation i feel useless because i am not earning money for me and for my family. Im not use to be that way because since from the very first time i stepped out from the school i help out my family. Basically if you are having your work right now and having a salary that's fine. Well just think that you have what it has to be the best child in your family. If you know that you do make an effort to give what was needed for the family be thankful to that. Be OPEN to them what you feel so that they will not expect that much mostly if you suffer from something in your health. Be honest that would be the key to resolve your problem. So that they can support you for the things you needed. Mostly an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and of course an advice that only a family could give the most.
