State Protective Services Hypocrits
By tessah
@tessah (6617)
United States
November 28, 2011 4:00pm CST
not all that long ago, when my eldest was about 14, she was developing a weight problem.. so i started curbing her intake of junk foods and sugar. substituting the cookies for apple slices or carrot sticks.. chips with pretzels.. etc. in her rampant spoiled brat fashion, she took the healthy lunches i made for her and tossed them, told her classmates and teachers that i refused to let her have lunch because i thought she was fat and complained to anyone within earshot (which was quite a distance since she stood on a chair in the cafeteria yelling it...) how i was starving her and she needed food. her friends of course responded by handing over their cupcakes and candy.. and her teachers responded by calling the authorities.
not only was i forced to endure the humilation of an investigation.. by having these strangers inspecting my pantry and cupboards and making me write out a sample menu of what and when i fed my child.. this occured during my mother in laws funeral. not near to the funeral.. DURING. because said child development specialist with the 4 facial peircings that was just barely out of college accused me of being a liar about the event saying i was just trying to stall their investigations. /sigh was a horrible ordeal to say the least.
to make matters worse.. after explaining my points of healthy eating i was trying to instill in my daughter, her family history of diabetes and heart disease that ran on both sides of her family making it all the more important for her to learn these things.. i was ordered by said "professional" that i wasnt to restrict my daughter ANYTHING.. that denying her what she wanted, was emotional abuse.. and was threatoned with losing custody to the state if i didnt let her eat whatever and as much of that she wished.
my daughter`s 22 now.. about 70 pounds overweight.. and struggling to adhere to her doctors orders to lose the weight due to health conditions.
today, i read this article..
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/27/200-pound-boy-ohio_n_1115213.html?icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl4%7Csec3_lnk1%7C116023
a mother lost custody of her child, because the kid is obese, and theyve accused the mother of medical neglect by NOT restricting this childs diet.
dammed if ya do.. dammed if ya dont.
the rules of what is and isnt neglect or abuse varies on a daily from what ive seen. what is a parent to do? what would YOU do?
2 people like this
4 responses
@hagirl (1295)
• United States
29 Nov 11
First by saying sounds like you did what you could at the time for your child. I am not saying whether this removal was right or wrong. According to reports they have been working with this mother for 20 months trying to keep her child with her. Her child has also developed sleep apnea which can be deadly to this child. If social services was involved in my case if my child was throwing the good away for the bad I would report it..... You have to be involved and if restrictions they give are not carried out you want them to know it is not your fault..... Request dieticians to come in your house that way you are killing to birds with one stone. The more open you are the better off you will be with this agency.... You know they do not want to remove a child because it cost them more money and time.....
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
30 Nov 11
I think it depends on who you have for a case worker and where you are at. I heard that the foster mother of this kid is recieving services that the birth mother did not qualify for. I can believe that because I am living pay check to pay check and I don't qualify for much of anything and yet a foster parent who considered that her job, would probably qualify for all sorts of help. Also, when it comes to teens..any of us who have teens know how that story goes. LIke she said, this was a young woman fresh out of college who did not have teens herself. If I'd been her case worker, I'd have handled the whole situation differently. Good lord, kids that are really being starved and abused do all they can to cover it. They are ashamed and lack self-esteem. I don't think anyone that has not experienced dealing with a rebellious teen as a parent should be qualified to councel or judge.
@curmont (343)
• United States
28 Nov 11
This is a hard one and I know a lot of people will disagree with what I am about to say but it is the where my desperation with the state has taken me. My oldest daughter is 13 and around her 12th birthday she decided that she was an adult and that she was going to do what she wanted, sneaking out of the house or not coming home at all for days at a time without so much as a phone call, she started being sexually active with men more then twice her age so I responded with a lot of tough love it was the only thing that got any response from her and in return she started telling everyone who would listen that I was subjecting her to terrible abuse, not feeding her, kicking her out on the street in the middle of the night so I could be alone with my husband, making her sleep on the floor etc. none of which was even close to true. The authorities were called to my house 4 times in the matter of a year and every time I jumped through hoops defending myself against ridiculous accusations and threats to remove all four of my children from my house finally on the last visit I completely lost it and I told the case worker in front of my daughter very simply that doing things their way got my daughter raped by a 50 year old man and that if they were not going to allow me to raise my children the way I saw fit that they could take them with them right then but not to come back to my house. I took a big risk and I do not recommend that anybody does what I did but I simply could not take it anymore.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
30 Nov 11
OMG...reliving nightmares!! one out of 4 of my girls was the devil's worst nightmare. She once called the cops on me for waking her up to go look for a job. It was NOON!!! I was according to her...harrassing her and hurting her "ego". OMG. She was doing as your daughter was...sneaking out and doing all sorts of things. I was scared for her. Anyway, my experience with the cops was much better than with social services. They deal with these kids regularly and they just KNOW. They showed up and took one look at her and could tell what she was all about. They did a walk through of the apartment with my permission. They told her that she was a brat who didn't appreciate what she had. Actually, in the end, it was the cops that saved me and her sisters from getting evicted because of her behavior. They could see that I was doing my best as a parent and my other girls were well behaved, well dressed and good students...good people. This one had some issues that needed addressing but it wasn't due to anything I was doing as a parent. Defending myself to CPS just distracted and took away energy that could have been better spent dealing head on with my daughter. I could of used the back up from them. Thankfully the cops were my backup.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
30 Nov 11
Hi Tessah,
I don't understand the system either. So much of it doesn't make sense and they don't listen to logic or reason. When my daughter (now 25) skipped school, got caught drinking etc, we got taken to court. I was grateful for what I thought would be help with her. I had 3 other girls that were very well behaved. Well, I'm not sure what they actually did to help but I got billed 6000.00..a fee which I challenged and won on. Her caseworker was to pick her up 3 times a week to take her around to look for a job, mentor her,etc. Well, she picked her up when she was not out sick or taking a vacation day. On other days, my daughter was to call in...just to check in....not sure why. Well, in reality, the most she did is let her run in and grab job apps but did not see to it that any of them were filled out and returned...I did that. She did let her smoke cigs in her vehicle. She showed up one night to take her to the fair! I was furious. I could not afford to take my kids that were behaving well to the fair and yet her sister who acted out could go for free????!! We had a few words on that one. If you talk to these people in any way other than compliant...they think you are nuts. I know because this same case worker had a friend of mine for a hair dresser and ran her mouth not realizing.
I did not find them to be helpful at all. In fact they were intrusive and put so much pressure on me as a parent and us as a family. Ironically, I now have a neighbor who I have twice witnessed physically abusing his daughter and also verbal abuse. I reported twice and twice nothing at all was done. Others have reported him also. It's been going on for quite a while now and...nothing. I heard about that poor kid that got ripped out of his home for being overweight and placed with strangers. In my opinion, that is emotional abuse at best. I also heard that the foster mother is applying for services for help that the birth mother did not qualify for. Sorry this is so long. Your story hit a little note with me.
I did not find them to be helpful at all. In fact they were intrusive and put so much pressure on me as a parent and us as a family. Ironically, I now have a neighbor who I have twice witnessed physically abusing his daughter and also verbal abuse. I reported twice and twice nothing at all was done. Others have reported him also. It's been going on for quite a while now and...nothing. I heard about that poor kid that got ripped out of his home for being overweight and placed with strangers. In my opinion, that is emotional abuse at best. I also heard that the foster mother is applying for services for help that the birth mother did not qualify for. Sorry this is so long. Your story hit a little note with me.
@ellie333 (21016)
•
28 Nov 11
Hi Tessah, Unfortunately it seems the way of life these days, if you do something you are wrong, if you don't you are too. Must have been a real ordeal for you to go through but I would have done exactly as you did. I was called up the school because I gave my son juice rather than just water, but he won't drink water, the school confiscated his juice and he came out of school dehydrated as he refused to drink the water, I accused them of being negligent as they owed a duty of care to my child to make sure he didn't dehydrate on a hot day when he did have his own juice available to drink. They now allow him to have juice with his lunch, it is sugar free and weak but I have tried numerous to give him water to no avail. I hope your daughter manages to overcome her weight problems. Huggles. Ellie :D
