Does the way you look in the outside matters so much in a relationship?
By fheroan
@fheroan (615)
Philippines
December 7, 2011 6:49am CST
Hi there guys... Well, I've got a friend who's having some hard time with her boyfriend. It's an interracial relationship so basically cultural differences is a problem. The boyfriend came from the middle east and my friend just grew up in a westernize community. Her boyfriend wanted her to be chubby, always wear long0sleeves and other clothes that will not show off any skin just for the reason that she should only be for his eyes and not to anyone else... It's like she can't be presentable to any other people. And I really think that's weird, because If you can't groom yourself because your boyfriend wants to, how about the other people who will see you, like classmates or colleagues, I think you need to groom also yourself... And she's not even that typical girl who wear sleeveless shirts that shows half if her chest, she mostly wears like rubber shoes, cargo pants, jeans and a t-shirt and her boyfriend is still not satisfied with, she even gave up wearing 3/4 pants because the guy said a perverted man might get interested with her legs and much more, he doesn't even want any other man to see her and not even her ankle, so it's like she's forbidden to wear sandals too, which I also think is too much and absurd. About being chubby, she got asthma and was chubby before, and now that she lost some weight, because she was exercising to be able to fight the occurrence of asthma attack. And as you know, it's hard to move around when you're heavy so she likes being not chubby, she's not even that thin or skinny type of lady... she got flesh on.. And this guy doesn't even want her to work out... And I'm really thinking if that guy really cares about her because he is always saying that he wanted her to be like that because that is good and what she likes is something bad. And because of that, she never wanted to get her photos taken because when her boyfriend sees it, they'll start arguing like, he'll say "Why are you showing off 3/4 of your arm? why are you wearing a fitting blouse? why do you need to show off yourself to others? I should only be the one looking at you"... And I think it's just so unfair for my friend. I mean like they're not the only person living in this world. They guy is so possessive, so my friend is thinking of stopping the relationship with him coz its like there's no air to breathe anymore. once he got mad too coz my friend had a picture taken with some of her friends, and there was a guy on it... and he kinda said like she was flirting on them, but actually, those guys are kinda gay. So what is a good advice for my friend?
Have a nice day to all!
1 person likes this
8 responses
@rakhi143 (76)
• India
8 Dec 11
I am not an expert and i am basically a student who also loves a girl. I do not think that external appearance does matter. And so the body language does. But i think body language is what that influences a relationship a bit. When ever i talk to her in a jovial manner,she speaks to me in much more better way. But when ever i talk to my fellow class mates in a rough body language she asks me to calm down and so i silenced myselves.
But truly girls do love the persons who look good enough at least as they are but the most highly preferred quality by them is caring nature. If you show that kind of a nature i think the girl will be the boyssssss,........
@mac1946 (1602)
• Calgary, Alberta
7 Dec 11
First off,is she Muslim?
This is how they believe.
You must understand,women in the middle East,are not classed as human,they belong to the man and he can do as he pleases.
If you read the news.if she shows skin,he can kill her and nothing will happen to him.
Unless she believes in this culture, run and run fast.
@djbtol (5493)
• United States
7 Dec 11
The real issue is what your friend thinks. Obviously, this guy is the type who will be very controlling and comes with a bucket full of expectations. He has the role, dress and behavior of women all worked out in his mind. If your friend is not on board with that, then she better get while the getting is good. She should not try to fool herself into thinking she can get the guy to change.
If she love him, and if she really can accept his expectations (for the long haul, not just for a while) then she will be fine. In the context of true love, the surface things that bother you are not significant. However, you are right to be concerned because I think they guy asks a lot. Of course, he is speaking from his cultural upbringing and it all makes good sense to him.
Talk to your friend and have her tell you that she is truly OK with the demands. Otherwise, encourage her to think again.
@julianmac (396)
• Malaysia
8 Dec 11
Hi fheroan,
Your friend needs to excommunicate him and crucially expel him from her mind and life as soon as possible. From my point of view, that man is looking for a slave to serve him. Since he couldn't find one in this modern world, he is turning his girlfriend into one.
It's her life and she's the one who should be responsible for her own decision making. Please advice your friend to put an end to this real life Norman Bates character or she will suffer tremendously in his hands.
@cearn25 (3456)
• Philippines
8 Dec 11
That is not love anymore! We should respect different cultural differences. Tell your friend to find another man. That boyfriend of her is overacting. Or maybe that is just the way of life in their country. So much with that, just always be there for your friend.
@iswariyachellappan (122)
• India
7 Dec 11
Tell your friend to avoid him. Generally men are possessive towards girl friend or wife. But in this case it is extreme.
@fheroan (615)
• Philippines
8 Dec 11
Hello there iswariyachellappan! Ya, i once told her already too to just forget about him, like maybe there's someone out there who will match her more.. Ya, me too, i kinda like possessive guys too, but not to the extent like putting you in a cage... something possessive that its just like the guy don't wanna lose you will be fine
@Robswife2006 (1208)
• United States
7 Dec 11
My advice to your friend is to say goodbye to the boyfriend. Most if not all middle eastern men are like that. Have you ever seen the women from the middle east? They are usually covered from head to toe. That is their custom there & that's fine for them if they have no problem with it, but if your friend feels like he's smothering her(which I agree it sounds to me like he is)then she needs to end the relationship & move on. I wouldn't wait any longer to do it either. The longer she waits the harder it will be.
@Mashnn (4501)
•
7 Dec 11
That an impossible boyfriend to have but I wonder whether your girlfriend is ok with all these, because even though you tell her to leave the guy, it won't happen unless she really want to do it. Love is sometimes blind. This is like been in a prison or cage, I would not entertain all these crap from anyone. He also seems to be quite possessive which is not good at all.
