I Think my friend's husband is cheating her
By icyrose123
@icyrose123 (133)
India
December 12, 2011 11:31pm CST
This is running in my mind for so long. Hope mylotters will help me by providing good suggestions.It goes like this - I have a a close friend who lives in the same state. Her husband is working in the same tech park (for a different company) that I work on. In the past 3 month's I have noticed him in public places holding another women's hand and also one time found him so cozy with her in an restaurant. I just knew that lady as his long time family friend(even before his marriage with my friend). She is elder than my friend yet single. Something tells me that something is wrong between the lady and my friend's husband. I'm afraid to share my thoughts with my friend.I'm very confused and at the same time cannot allow something to happen like this in my friend's life.
As far as I know my friend doesn't think anything wrong about her or her husband. Pls suggest what should I do?
1 person likes this
15 responses
@rencarl (620)
• Philippines
13 Dec 11
hello my friend. so nice of you to ask first for logical pieces of advice before doing anything.it is not wrong to tell your close friend that her husband might be cheating on her. you can tell her when you are absolutely sure about what you just found out.just do it in the right time. i am sure your friend will not believe you the first time you will tell her.at least you tried and you warned her.
@rencarl (620)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
hello icyrose.thank you for responding back. this is one of the benefits Mylot can give us.we can ask for advice or suggestions here regarding our problems and concerns.
what you will tell your friend will really spoil her life but we are weighing the risks versus the benefits here.if the benefit outweighs the risks, then it is better to tell your friend the truth. i can still give you one suggestion though. try sending your friend an anonymous text message containing her husband's cheating acts so that you will not reveal your identity.
@icyrose123 (133)
• India
14 Dec 11
Yeah.. Its so nice to have so many mylotters to help me by there suggestion. This is very critical and its like a cat on the wall situation. It might turn out to help my friend or turn out to spoil her life. Thanks for your feedback
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
13 Dec 11
Hi Icyrose,
Welcome to Mylot!
That's a tough one. I know you are concerned for your friend but I think I'd have to say to just keep your concerns to yourself. If something is going on between them then your friend will pick up on it in time. Also. there is the chance that you could be misreading the situation. I agree...it does sound pretty sketchy but things are not always as they appear. If you really feel you must do something then I would ask either him or the elder woman. It seems that he would be more discreet knowing you are a friend of his wife if something were going on. Good luck with this, Icyrose!
@icyrose123 (133)
• India
14 Dec 11
I have just interacted with that lady just one's or twice in a get together. I really dint feel comfortable as she had some attitude. That's the reason I cant go and talk to her and I'm afraid that she might blow-up the issue and cause trouble to my friend if I just ask him something unintentionally also.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
13 Dec 11
hi, I appreciate your helping nature and the concern for your friend. Since you say the lady is a family friend and they know before your friend is married to this guy, probabilities are there that your friend is well aware of his feelings towards this lady friend. You can causally talk to your friend and convey the message that you saw them together. Also the next time you see these two, just walk to him, say a hi and then move on.....let the lady do the rest...
@icyrose123 (133)
• India
13 Dec 11
yeah..I have heard my friend telling me that this lady is little dominating character. But have'nt heard anything more. My friend is a very soft hearted and innocent girl who can never thing anything strange. This is also one reason that I hols myself in not telling the truth.I'm sure she will be hurted.
But walking up to them and telling a HI is really a nice idea. Will try it next time
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
13 Dec 11
I suggest you do nothing on it. I am not sure if it's a good idea. But I have almost the same thing posted here before. The most advise I got is to stay out of the couple's problem. 'Though in my case, it's the other way around. I hope you know what I mean.
I think that it is better to let your friend find about that situation. Sooner or later the truth will come out. Maybe your friend's husband is just so friendly and touchy and there might not be any meaning on those hand holding you've seen. It's better to stay out of it.
@icyrose123 (133)
• India
13 Dec 11
Yeah I can stay out but every time I speak to her or see her something is pricking me. I feel I'm doing something wrong to her and to our friendship.
Moreover I can be sure that those are not friendly touches and if so Why should he hide it from his wife?
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
Well we wouldn't know if he is really hiding it. Maybe when both the couple are in bed they talk about her or their closeness before they sleep. If your friend is already feeling something strange towards her husband, then I guess that's your cue.
You can also ask the guy what's with him and the girl. Try to approach them one day if you see them holding hands and see what their reaction would be.
@bb_gabs (205)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
hello icyrose, I think silence is the best way to that problem, I know you care about your friend, but doing something that will hurt her coming from you is not a good idea. Anyway, she will know it in time. Just always be there to support her, specially when time comes that she knows the issue.
@icyrose123 (133)
• India
14 Dec 11
Yeah initially I was thinking to stay quite but its pricking me that I'm doing injustice to my friend. What if she realized it when it is too late.
@bambee2179 (51)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
hi... this situation happened to me already and we are on the same shoes. I thought I was helping when I told my friend that her husband is having an affair and we end up fighting.I suggest that you gather harder proof that her husband is really cheating and have your friend see or notice the things you saw so as not to create more harm than good...Or You can just invite your friend to visit you at the tech park and hope that she would come across her husband holding hands the lady or being cozy with other woman in a restaurant.
@icyrose123 (133)
• India
14 Dec 11
I really feel bad for what happened to you. I must try to get proof before speaking to my friend. I think asking my friend to come over without informing her husband sounds like a good idea, but I'm not sure whether she would be able to witness the scene.Let me give it a try.But how is what I have to think
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Dec 11
Honestly, I don't think that you should do anything at all unless you have some kind of solid evidence that something is truly going on between the woman and your friend's husband. The reason that I say that is that you definitely don't want to look for any kind of trouble and by making accusations that are not set in concrete is something that could cause a lot of problems between your friend and her husband.
@rhodzptc (1317)
• Philippines
13 Dec 11
You are in a very risky situation my friend, want to know why? first is that if your conclusion is true and you did not tell it to your friend then she could blame for not telling her or you might felt guilty for not telling her right? Now if what you said it to your friend that might cause something that would may cause to a broken or bad relationship right? In that case a good suggestions will do, but in the end it's not to any of us to decide so in my own understanding and belief is that if you wanted to help your friend then make her see it from her own eyes never talk nor ideas about what you are thinking about her husband doing and her friend. But instead guide her to see it for herself.
@icyrose123 (133)
• India
14 Dec 11
That's exactly what's running in my mind. I will try to work on this approach. Even then I pray that nothing should go wrong because of my guidance.
@cearn25 (3456)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
You have two options to choose from. First, telling it to his wife about everything. I don't know if it is okay to tell or not. I mean, if you care about the relationship of your friend and his husband, it is better to tell him what you have discovered. Second, you are not going to mind what you have seen. As if nothing happened. Because you don't want to be the reason if something bad happens.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
13 Dec 11
I can only say this. If you are my friend I wanted you to tell me and be honest to me.
Ofcourse you can tell me too that you are not quite sure and feel confused. But as my friend I want you to be honest and open to me and share your feelings with me too.
@icyrose123 (133)
• India
13 Dec 11
This is a very straight forward suggestion. You know what my friends character is stopping me. She will surely get hurt and will take it to heart. She will surely beleive me but she will be unable to take it up.
@Mashnn (4501)
•
14 Dec 11
This is a tricky situation to find yourself in but if I were you, I would tell my friend but not directly. Maybe I would ask her for an outing in a restaurant or the park during those times that I know her husband and the other woman would be there or just tell her what you are suspecting and let her decide what to do about it.
@icyrose123 (133)
• India
13 Dec 11
yeah..currently I dont have any pics.Will try to take pics next time
@kicysmile (213)
• China
14 Dec 11
Hi friend,I suggest you do nothing for that,Your friend must know problem exit,she doesn't tell you maybe she want to save her face,It's their own business.You should believe your friend she can deal with her husband.you needn't too worry about it.
@boopanutter (1)
•
14 Dec 11
i say before you go and say anything make sure what you seen is really happening .Personlly i would talk to your friends husband and let him know what you seen and that it not right and your going to tell your friend about him and the ( Family ) friend. But just know this your friend may not beleave and she might be upset with you. So be prepared
@icyrose123 (133)
• India
14 Dec 11
Yeah you are right. But I really don't feel comfortable to take to her husband as I hardly interacted with him.I don't have any doubt that my friend will not believe me. The problem is she should not think that I'm taking advantage of our friendship. I'm prepared for the worst, but let that happen in our relationship and not in her family relationship
