I wish I didn't get attached so easily...
By courtknee525
@courtknee525 (3742)
United States
December 14, 2011 6:00pm CST
One of my biggest weaknesses is how easily I became attached to my boyfriend. He's been at the military processing center getting his physical all day and I haven't been able to talk to him. All day I've been antsy, on edge, and have had stomachaches. This is only the beginning and I can't imagine what I'll be like when he's away and can't talk to me for days.
I wish I wasn't so attached because then I'd have a lot less stress. Also, if I wasn't so attached I'd be able to just end the relationship since he'll be leaving.
I guess it's a good thing to have strong feelings for someone but at the same time I kind of hate it. It's such a huge weakness and I feel like I'm powerless to it. Being like this makes me feel like I'm a weak person and that I can't really do anything because I'm so controlled by emotions and feelings :(
1 person likes this
6 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
15 Dec 11
This is not only about being attached to but also about not having a life of your own. Start having that, be yourself and see your bf as something extra. Then you will see you have less time to spend on these kind of thoughts. Btw I don't think you are a weak person.
@Almateea (53)
• Romania
15 Dec 11
You are right. Loving somebody is one of the most beautiful things in life but we cannot let ourselves be the slaves of an emotion. It is healthy to love, but it is problematic to live our life through another person. We need to have our own identity and our own life and just make our love a part of it.
@bounce58 (17385)
• Canada
19 Dec 11
I saw that you responded to the 'control-freak' discussion that I just posted.
It's interesting that this discussion of yours is parallel to mine. I think that even though you're a 'mild' control freak, you still like to be in relationship where you get attached, and loose control. It's difficult as it would eat you up inside.
I guess life is just like that. Hard choices have to be made. Your bf is making a difficult choice to be away from you (if he did pick that job, as I still don't know; still haven't seen your more recent discussions). And in turn you too have to make a difficult decision to be in the relationship, even if he's far away.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
19 Dec 11
lol Yes, it's kind of ironic that I'm a mild control freak and in a relationship that pretty much controls me. I know that my boyfriend's choice is to be together no matter what, and I think his strength in this situation is what helps me get through a little bit and choose to also stay in the relationship. It's an amazing feeling to be able to love someone so much, but it gets frustrating when you feel helpless to do something because of love.
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
15 Dec 11
Hello.. It is a good thing that you love him so much & you feel so much attached... Make sure that this attachment remains healthy i.e. He should not feel that you are being over-possessive... That, if happens, will make him go into his shell and you won't get full attention, which will make you sad too...
It ain't wrong to be attached.. Just keep it healthy...
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
15 Dec 11
Hi Courtknee,
It is rather frustrating to feel that you aren't in control of your life anymore.. that you can't make any definite plans because it depends on what your boyfriend does. Like your whole life is in turmoil due to the life choices he makes now. I think it is normal, mainly because you aren't in control of everything right now. You may not have any say in what he chooses, and you are getting eaten up inside worrying about what you will learn. I think everyone goes through that in one way or another. 
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
15 Dec 11
Thank you for the reassurance :) I think I worry too much that it's only me that does these things. When I really think about it, these things do seem normal and I'm sure most human beings go through this.
My life is definitely in turmoil because the military is something he really does need to do in order to get a career since he doesn't do very well in school. Usually, we make our decisions based on each other, but the military is his last resort. He hates the idea of having to leave, but at the same time, it'll only be for 3 years.
So I guess in the meantime I'll finish up with school so that when he gets out, both of us will be ready to go on together with our lives.
Again, I really do appreciate your responses, I always get so reassured whenever I read them :)
@Aja103654 (5644)
• Philippines
15 Dec 11
You are the only one who can truly help yourself. It's not an easy problem to solve, it takes practice and time, patience as well.
Best advice I can possibly give you: find a way to keep you from thinking about him. It's okay to ask him how's it been once in a while though. Try a new hobby that you can obsess over, preoccupy yourself with more important things, your work or your studies, watch a favorite tv show, have a movie marathon with friends. those were the things i did whenever i miss my boyfriend. do something productive, because thinking and worrying won't help you.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
15 Dec 11
Those are some good ideas. I'm a constant worrier when it comes to him because I dont' want anything to happen to him since I love him so much lol. When he really does leave for the army I'm going to have to really keep myself busy. I plan on working a lot and going to the gym a lot too, that way, I'll be so exhausted when I get home that i won't have time to really get sad about missing him.
@mac002777 (6)
•
15 Dec 11
Regret. One of the most disturbing things of us humans. We can never forget it or hide it from ourselves. So, I suggest you to start getting rid of them. Your attachment to your boyfriend is nothing harmful, it's actually good to share each others' experiences and spend time together. Try talking to him, it's the easiest way to make him feel your thoughts and doubts. There's always a solution to a problem, you just need to give it some patience and self-control. I can understand what it feels like to be away from him, no better word than lonely. But, know that if you truly love him, he's still in your heart, no matter if you're on the opposite side of a table or the world. All the best in advance, hope you get your time with him.
