Husband's state
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
December 21, 2011 12:33am CST
I've been so bad about keeping everyone updated because of the fact that I've really been unhappy with my life through these past few weeks emotionally. However, I did think I would share with you all the fact that my husband's PET scan that he had at the end of last month was pretty good according to his oncologist. However, they do think that radiation treatment for four weeks is going to be necessary for him.
So, he went two weeks ago to see the radiation medicine doctor for the first time and they discussed the fields that are going to be radiated. Then last week he went in for a simulation where they did a CT scan on him and tattooed him for the fields or radiation that he will have.
He starts his treatment on Tuesday and he will have to be at the hospital every day on Monday-Friday for the following four weeks at 8:30 in the morning. Of course, this is something that is causing me more anxiety.
Overall, the thing that is bothering me the most is the fact that there are still a lot of what-ifs that I have to deal with in my life. You see, I'm trying to keep a positive outlook, but I am by nature a worrier.
Just thought I would let you all know what is going on with his cancer journey and his treatments.
3 people like this
20 responses
@marguicha (223795)
• Chile
22 Dec 11
Dearest friend,
Be happy that the oncologist found good your husband´s PET scan. As for the radiation treatment, you will have to learn about it as you did with chemotherapy. I remember how much you helped me with your knowledge and kindness. I have a friend who is on radiation therapy and has a lot of problems with heat and light. She cannot use soap either as skin is burned somehow. In my country we have a herb that heals tissue and we use it boiling its leaves in water. Check with the doctor any ideas for that. A BIG HUG!!!
1 person likes this
@marguicha (223795)
• Chile
25 Dec 11
I hope all goes well. I always think of you as you have helped me deal with my own lymphoma. How was your Christmas? Were the kids happy with their presents? A big and merry Xmas!
and merry Xmas!1 person likes this
@marguicha (223795)
• Chile
28 Dec 11
I am so glad, dear! I have learned that we must try to make the most of the present. A wonderful Christmas is something to remember forever.
I have learned that we must try to make the most of the present. A wonderful Christmas is something to remember forever.1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Dec 11
I guess we are just going to have to wait until it gets started as see how he is able to deal with it. After all, it is only a month of this after we've already been through six months of chemotherapy. He will be starting his radiation on Tuesday, bright and early in the morning.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17385)
• Canada
26 Dec 11
There are a few people here in myLot where I try to keep up to date on what's happening with their lives. Although I'm just an online 'friend', I've always been interested on the health struggle (and success) that your husband is going through. I'm glad that you've kept us updated. I hope that you find strength in a few kind words of strangers here. And I hope that you have good-news posting coming soon.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
28 Dec 11
I do find strength in knowing that there are people here with whom I'm able to talk to. However, I also struggle because there is really no one that is here at home for me to be able to talk to on a regular basis.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
31 Dec 11
I just might have to take you up on that offer sometime. Today I had the opportunity to have some time to talk to one of my old friends and it really helped me a lot. But then having different people to talk to is always a good thing as well.
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
23 Dec 11
My friend the Best advice I can offer you right now is stay strong and positive. I am sure this is not easy with this being the Holidays, and such but God is on your side. You need to pray and believe for something great to come from this, instead of letting anxiety and stress take over. Seriously I know it is easier said than done as I have a lot to deal with myself, but we are here for you.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
28 Dec 11
It really is something that is easier said than done, but it is something that I've been trying to work on. I think by working on it and looking at things from a slightly different perspective is helping me to do better.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
22 Dec 11
At some point in time you need to realize the worry is a terrible waste, it's just your ego trying to fool you into emotion over something it has no control over.
Let it go if you can, there is no control here for you. All that you can do you have and now is the time to turn it over to a higher power and just pray for the most benevolent outcome. Know also that many of us are joining with you to pray.
Blessings
@savypat (20216)
• United States
23 Dec 11
Remember a point of view is everything. When we face a situation in our life that seems to over power us, we can choose to be victums or we can choose to see it as a great learning experience. If you could look at you situation in that light you could see that no matter the final outcome the grow that both you and your husband are doing at this time is a treasure. All the negative energy that you have been projecting is normal, but not what is needed for a positive outcome. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could see this as a gift instead? I learned this when I was very ill and in great pain, somehow I was able to seperate my mind from the victum to the student, learning that there are always many levels to each situation. Did I stop hurting? Of course not but I did know that if the pain got to bad I would pass out and that knowledge made it so much more bearable. I also saw how deep my love was for my Hubby and understood that we are a force together, where before we had always seemed two people seperate. This saved my marriage once again. Look for what you are gaining not what you have no control over. Blessing and Merry Christmas.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Dec 11
You know, it is funny that you said this because we actually spent a lot of time over the weekend talking about the what-ifs and why I shouldn't worry about them because there is absolutely nothing that I can do to control them. Since we had that discussion, I've at least been able to make myself eat.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
28 Dec 11
That is the point of view that I've been trying to take, but it really is quite difficult at times. What I really think that I might need is a therapist that I could talk to. However, with the financial situation the way that it is right now, that is just not something that we are able to do.
1 person likes this
@much2say (56053)
• Los Angeles, California
23 Dec 11
Hi dorannmwin! I haven't been on myLot so much - I was wondering what was going on with you so it was good to hear your update. I hope your husband continues to do well with his treatments and all. I think we all have our what-ifs . . . as long as we keep productive and not let our what-ifs get to us, we can keep moving forward (though I know it's easier said than done). We've had our share of issues these past few months, but thankfully things are coming together now . . . sometimes bad things unexpectedly turn into good things. Stay positive and I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts!!!
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
28 Dec 11
I appreciate the fact that you will be keeping our family in your thoughts. I really hope that at the end of this road I will be able to look back at it and realize that there was quite a positive to all of this. However, right now, the road has been long and there is still more to go and that is something that really makes things hard for me.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
21 Dec 11
Yes keep positive these 4 weeks will seem long but they will go by fast as can be. Be strong cause I know your a strong women not only for you buy for your family. Christmas is this weekend don't let this stuff get you too down because the kids will pick up on it.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Dec 11
These four weeks do feel like they are going to be imposing to me, but I know that we will be able to get through it after the six months of chemotherapy that we've already been through.
With that said, I'm trying to be as happy as possible during the Christmas holidays and break from school.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
28 Dec 11
I did manage to get through Christmas without falling apart. However, it really isn't getting any easier for me. I want things to be the way that they were this time a year ago, with the exception of course, of the symptoms that Tom was showing of lymphoma.
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
23 Dec 11
Yes you'll get through it. I know it's going to be tough for you and it's going to be tough for me. I got bad news yesterday so I'm trying hard not to let it get me too down for my daughter sake. This is her first Christmas and mommy is going to try her best to be happy as I can be for her even all I want to do right now is cry and cry.
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
3 Aug 12
I'm sorry for the late reply on this, but between my own health issues and keeping up with school I am 8 months behind on posts. Did the radiation help with your husband's cancer? I really hope so. I have never had to have radiation, but I have had a lot of problems with my treatments this year. I started out with gemzar/cisplatin in January and then by April it was down to gemzar only because of a reaction to the cisplatin. They started me on topotecan last week because that wasn't clearing it up yet. I haven't started feeling bad from that one yet, but I have two more weeks of getting that on this cycle then a week off. I don't know how many cycles of that she is going to want but I just hope it doesn't cause hair loss because I like my hair now. I guess I could deal with the thinning that could happen. I guess it is just a matter of wait and see. I hope things have gone better for you and your husband this year!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
7 Aug 12
Thankfully, yes, things this year have been a lot better for us. When he had his PET in December there were still some masses there and that is why it was recommended that he have a month of radiation. In June he had a six-month post treatment PET scan it was clean, so he was given a bill of health until December.
I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all that you've been through and hope that your health will be able to get on track.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
21 Dec 11
I imagine that is a very tough thing to go through for all of you. Your life is basically being turned upside down because of all his treatments, medications, doctor appointments.. and you still aren't really sure what the future holds. I'm sure it is taking a financial toll as well.
I know it is hard to stay strong during such difficult times, and the holiday just adds to the stress. Just take it 1 day at a time, and try to relax as much as you can.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
21 Dec 11
I know how you feel. With everything we've been going through lately, the same thing has happened to us. We've not done any of our usual holiday traditions this year.. we've actually even only watched 1 holiday movie this season. Not necessarily due to lack of finances.. but lack of time. Hubby has spent all of his free time taking care of his father, and fixing up this house so we'd be able to move in. Now that we finally have a bit of time.. it's something else popping up, like my oldest son having track meets every Wednesday night.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 11
I really do believe that the financial toll might be the worst part of all because of the fact that there are things that we've wanted to do with the children that we haven't been able to do.
That is the reason that I'm really looking forward to getting our tax money back as soon as possible next year.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Dec 11
You know it has honestly been difficult for us to not be able to partake in any of our traditional Christmas festivities.
One of the things that I really like to do is to adopt a family for Christmas and this year it just hasn't been possible for us. However, I'm still working on a Christmas miracle for a friend of mine that is going to have her children for Christmas when she didn't think that she would be able to.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
21 Dec 11
I may be reading between the lines but I think that there is a lot more going on in your life than your husband's illness. Take a deep breath and do nothing at the moment. Things do tend to fall into place somewhere along the line. Christmas is an emotional roller coaster for many women. Somehow we feel that it is up to us to make sure that everyone has a happy Christmas. It isn't. But we take it all on and then we are just simply tired and worn out. I am going to pray so hard for you as my intuition tells me that you have some unresolved issues. Keep strong. Your husband is doing well with his treatment. Take another deep breath.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
21 Dec 11
I would not dream of being intrusive. I just felt it. In a way I can understand his withdrawal as my husband did the same to me at different times throughout his illness. You see they feel so helpless and impotent and worry that they will die and you will be left alone to bring up the children. 
Many men do not talk about these things as they do not want to appear weak but they feel it. they are also scared of dying so a lot is going on in your husband's life too.
My dear, after what your husband has been through - life will never be the same. It will be different but that can be okay too. You cannot go back to a time when all was well but you can move on together to a better place in your marriage. Be strong and do not make any rash decisions. I am making a Novena (prayer for 9 days) for my son and will join your name and your family to my prayers. Many, many blessings
Many men do not talk about these things as they do not want to appear weak but they feel it. they are also scared of dying so a lot is going on in your husband's life too.
My dear, after what your husband has been through - life will never be the same. It will be different but that can be okay too. You cannot go back to a time when all was well but you can move on together to a better place in your marriage. Be strong and do not make any rash decisions. I am making a Novena (prayer for 9 days) for my son and will join your name and your family to my prayers. Many, many blessings@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 11
So good to hear from you. And I know that you are right, there is a lot more that is going on than just his illness, but it really isn't a lot that I'm comfortable to talk to. The main thing that I can say that is not helping me at all is that through the treatments, he has started to withdrawal from me emotionally and that hurts me a lot too.
I hope that we will be able to make it through the holidays and that things between us will be normal soon.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Dec 11
Oh, I definitely do know that life is never going to be the same for me. However, I think that once we don't really have to think about it every day then things will at least be a little bit better.
I do have to admit, however, that I really do miss the emotional connection that the two of us used to share.
@ronnyb (6113)
• Jamaica
12 Jan 12
Thanks for keeping us posted .I know you cant be going though a good time .Know that we here at mylot are all praying for you .I know this might be difficult for you but you will have to be brave for him because he need to feed on your strength .Pray for him unceasingly and be there for him like you have always been and continue to be
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Jan 12
And I really do appreciate all of the prayers that my friends on here have sent up for us. I think those have gone a long way in us getting to where we are now and they will continue to make our family stronger. I'm lucky that I've been able to find so many good friends here. Yes, I will probably never meet any of you in person, but still, you are all considered my friends.
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
21 Dec 11
O God ! dorannmwin -- I am extremely sorry to hear details of ailment of your husband. It will certainly cause anxiety in you. But please do not lose hope. Put the entire responsibility on God's shoulders and tell him that he will recover fully in stages. In case you exhibit more of anxiety it may cause further worries for him.
I am sure he will be among the many people who are recovering from this disease.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 11
I'm definitely hoping that he will be among those people that are survivors. However, I've also learned over the last several months that the road to getting there is long and hard.
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
22 Dec 11
On my part as a mylot member I will send my prayers to Lord Almighty to help you fully in this regard. Try to take care of him, children and yourself.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Dec 11
That is really all that I can do is to try to take care of my entire family. There are times that it is hard, but thus far we've been able to make it all work.
@aminul842700 (861)
• Dhaka, Bangladesh
4 Aug 12
Hi Doran, What is the latest condition of your husband's pet?
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
7 Aug 12
He had his most recent PET in June and then we followed up with his oncologist a week later. I have never felt so relieved in my life when I heard that his PET scan was completely clean. So, he has a bill of good health until December of this year. His oncologist has also suggested that he can get his port removed, which we thought was supposed to be in the middle of last month, but they don't have any record of an appointment for this.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
30 Dec 11
oh dear Dorann sorry for the late answer here in mylot. Wasnt online much over the holidays and didnt have days off then so it was straight back to work 27th.
How does he manage with the radiation treatment so far? hope everything will turn out well for the both of you and you will have a great year of 2012
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Jan 12
I'm glad that it hasn't gotten him totally down to because I really don't know what our family would have done if he was so far down that he wouldn't have been able to work through it all. We probably would have lost everything that we've worked so hard to have over the last ten years.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
31 Dec 11
That is perfectly okay, the holidays are always a really busy time for everyone.
At this point, he's finished his first week of radiation and though it is making him a bit more tired than he usually is, he is taking it in stride. He doesn't have to go back until Tuesday because of the holiday, so that should give him a little bit of time to recover and then only three more weeks to go.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
31 Dec 11
thanks for the update I am so glad your husband can handle it and it only slows him down a bit. My dearest friend Anne had sort of chemo but it made her soooo tired and weak so I am glad it only slows him down a little.
@Pushhyarag2000 (1416)
• India
21 Dec 11
dorann: It should make you feel a little less burdened sharing your worries with friends you trust than carrying them. I know we all feel quite worn out at some point of time however resilient we may be. In your case, you are not dealing with a routine issue. We understand and share your worry. In fact, I have to say you are managing quite well. In such difficult & testing times, we have to hold our balance and pray to Lord to lead us. I pray for recovery of your husband soon and do hope that you will see turn of things for the better soon enough. God bless you.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 11
You are right that it does make me feel a little bit better to have people that I can talk to about what is bothering me. However, it also does make me feel bad to share my burdens with other people. I suppose that a lot of the reason for that is because of the fact that I don't like to burden other people.
@marguicha (223795)
• Chile
22 Dec 11
You were wrong at that. Love means sharing and it is not a burden. We were worried because we all knew that you had the results yet you did not tell us. I was thinking the worst
.
.@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Dec 11
I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have kept everyone waiting to hear what the results were. But, it was a lot for me to be able to process myself because though they were pretty good results, it really wasn't what I wanted to hear.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
21 Dec 11
I hope things turn out well for you and your husband. Hopefully 2012 will bring good things to you.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 11
I am certainly hoping that 2012 will be a really good year for our family after the struggles that we've had to go through this year. Without a doubt, 2011 has been one of the most trying years of all for our family.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Dec 11
And I definitely do appreciate the prayers that my friends have been sending for our family. I really think that both of our conditions would be a lot worse if it wasn't for the prayers that have been directed our way.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Dec 11
Well, at least we get to wait until June for him to have his next scan. So I keep thinking of it in terms of him having a happy birthday in 2012.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
21 Dec 11
so sorry to see you all going through this and so young. cancer is such a dreadful plague these days. poor guy and now hes going to be burned. i know how it is. i went through it 11 yrs ago and its also just as hard on the spouse/caretaker as the person. cause i was at your spot 9 yrs ago with hubby. iam praying yours turns out much better.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 11
The doctor did say that radiation therapy these days is a lot milder than what it used to be and there shouldn't be that many complications with it, so that part of it, I am worried about, but I really think things will be okay. But, I am still a worrier by nature.
@randylovesdar (4932)
• United States
21 Dec 11
I was worried that I have not heard from you in a while, but I do understand that your family comes first. I am sorry that things have been rough for you and I really wish I lived closer to you so I could help you in any way I could. I know it is hard to stay positive, but I am sure that the kids are there for you as well. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.....
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 11
I feel bad that I didn't update before now, but I have to admit that I was numb to a certain extent and I also have had a lot of things to do with the kids with the end of the semester at school and also Christmas break now.
@michellepacho (17)
•
21 Dec 11
i am with the both of you. I understand how it feels like to be in shadow of darkness longing to see even a small light of hope. My partner in life got me imprisoned at the hospital for two months battling against cancer. No regrets, I did everything to made him feel I love him until God took him away from me. There are a lot of us in this kind of journey. just hold on even he can't hold on any longer.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Dec 11
I'm so sorry to hear that your partner lost his battle with cancer. I think that is honestly one of my biggest fears for Tom because of the fact that we do have two small children. However, through it all, I've tried to at least be strong in front of him.
