My daughter is done with her father
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
United States
December 21, 2011 9:37pm CST
My daughter hasn't known her father in her whole life. Her father and I divorced when she was 18 months old, so she has no memories of him. He wasn't in her life much during those 18 months of her life because we were split up and back together and separated again and again.
It was terrible living with him, and he wouldn't keep a job. He had a job while I was pregnant, but as soon as she was born he quit again and just went to work a few days a week on his friend's farm for $6 a day... that just paid for his cigarettes and booze.
Anyway... my daughter found him a few years back and left a message on his answering machine and he never called back and never acknowledged her... then last winter my daughter found her half brother on Facebook and then her father got an account on facebook and they talked... all was good for awhile.
Well, in August we went to NY. I stayed with my brother and my daughter and her hubby stayed in a motel and visited each day with her dad. Her dad's wife already started things on a bad note by telling her "your grandfather was a son of a B!tch".. and then she went on to say "your mother is a B!tch"... she never met my daughter's grandfather and she never met me... she just has been fed a sob story from my daughter's father as to why he wasn't in her life.
Truth be told he hid so he wouldn't have to pay child support. My daughter tried to overlook his wife and tried to bond with her father.. but he was beginning to be a real jerk... calling her husband a 'hillbilly'... surely he isn't a hillbilly.
My daughter shared some stuff about when she was a baby.. problems we had with her that continues even now. My daughter had irritable bowel syndrome from the time she was a baby.. but it was all constipation which caused pain. We used to have to give her baby enemas.. laxatives in order for her to go... and he made some wise crack about that.. and said 'that's a load of bull. That's the first I heard of it'...
She shared about Ivan dying, and that she got Rosie... and he goes on and says, bring her when you visit and we will cook her and eat her.
Anyway... after she hung up this last time, she blocked him and her half brother off from facebook. She took the Christmas card he sent and tore it up and threw it away... and she said she is done with him.
So anyway... she said she has what she wanted in the first place. She has closure.
Anyone who has gone through anything similar.. please share your thoughts.
2 people like this
8 responses
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
22 Dec 11
I haven't gone through anything like this, but I do know how it feels when people turn there back on you and act like you don't exist.
I feel bad for your daughter. She reached out to her half brother and her father and what did she get in return, nothing but heart ache. I am sure you feel bad as well.
And what an awlful things to say about the dog she lost.
I would say she is better off with her closure.
2 people like this
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
23 Dec 11
Well it sounds like the only way that she will be able to have any relationship with her father is if it is just him and her(your daughter). I guess if he got a cell phone then they could be in contact, but until that time, I don't see it happening. You are doing right by letting her bring up the subject. That is all you can do for her right now.
Hugs to all.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
I think she is better off too. I don't mention it to her. I let her bring it up, if she wants to talk about it. She gets so frustrated when she thinks about it.. it really riles her how her father's wife is so nasty too and one time erased her message to her father, and then when he asked if he had any calls, she said she had one, but she erased it she didn't know who it was from... but when he asked Richie (his son) who called he said it was Kim... so he did call back... and then when he calls her... he still has this attitude that really grates against her nature. She knows her 'wicked stepmother' erased her message on purpose. That woman has gone out of her way to talk mean to my daughter.
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
22 Dec 11
Hello Miss... I want to congratulate you for raising your daughter wisely and with care; it was not easy thing to do... You must be a courageous and patient woman, you have done miracle; and I'm sure your daughter is highly proud of you..
As to your ex, I would say it was wise that you got seperated at an early stage, or else upbringing of your daughter would have been very tough and complicated... I hope you are living a peaceful and happy life now... Take care... :-)
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
Hello Mr Pearl. Yes it was difficult raising her alone as a single parent but I had lots of help from my parents. I went to nursing school so I could provide for my daughter. My parents took care of her while I was away at school and they cared for her while I worked the equivalent of 2 jobs. I worked 12 and 16 hour shifts all her growing up years. I did well to keep her in popular clothes and so that she could have what other kids had.
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
22 Dec 11
My Friend... You have done the biggest sacrifice for your child.. It'll be honored... I salute you.. Hats off!! We get tired with 8 hours shift these days... And you did double of that... Your daughter must be highly proud and she should because she has got the best mother in the world....
take care... Once again, Hats Off!!!!
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
22 Dec 11
PQ....I really, really hate familial discordance! Nothing breaks my heart more..the manipulation..the pain..the hurt...but it's all not men. I am female, my Mother hated me from the moment of my inception, she rid herself of me, but did everything possible, to make me miserable all my life, including lawsuits, because I tried to contact her! The only time whe wanted anything to do with me, when I married well (to her advantage) Airlines Pilot..FREE flying privileges....negated me in a moment when I divorced! For all my life I forgave her...loved her, my birth Mother! I guess all I am saying is there are women just as bad! My heart, truly...truly goes out to you..and yours.,.THAT PAIN should NEVER. EVER be!
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
22 Dec 11
Thank you, PQ..yes, life is as good as I can make it, and believe me..I know how, just the lack of ONE parent, can kinda cripple you emotionally! NO..Idid NOT have a family..a plethora of persons that needed the welfare payout..but they all fed me, for which I owe thanks.
Please understand...no bitterness! Your daughter is blessed with in=laws of such creedence, but something she so deserves, and YOU, dear oreo, gave her that special ability..stand tall, be proud!@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
Oh Pergammano, I hope your life is better now. My heart breaks for you too. Yes, there are women who hate their children. Why that can be, I just don't know. I guess you were maybe raised by someone else? I hope they were good to you. I hurt for my daughter. She will be okay though.. she knew she didn't have a dad all her life.. she knew she had a father, but she didn't have a dad.. her grandfather was her daddy all her life.. and now her father in law is her Daddy figure. It really makes her father in law happy that she feels that way about him. Her mom in law loves her like she is her own too.. that brings tears to my eyes. I'm happy that my daughter is loved by her inlaws. Her hubby cherishes her. He literally loves his lovey.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
22 Dec 11
man he is a real jerk. but there are a lot of fathers like that. most men dont have the love we have as mothers. 4 of my kids have that same kind of father. usaully it takes a kid growing up to find out what their dads really like. it hurts but they finally understand why we didnt stay with uncaring abusive men. 1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
Hi Bunnybon,
Yes, he is being a jerk. I’m sorry your children had to endure the same kind of dad that my daughter did. But you are right… the kids don’t have to be affected like that when they grow up.. they can become great mothers and fathers themselves.
@moneywinner (1864)
• Brazil
22 Dec 11
It's so terrible to your daughter to find out that her dad is a jerk. I don't know what you used to tell her when she was a child, but I have a friend that her mother used to tell her that her dad didn't knew it that she exist (of course that he knew it, he just didn't want anything with his child). She ended to find out that her dad knew it about her, but she never found him and she really wanted even knowing that he don't want to know about her. Reading your story, at least your daughter was able to get to know her dad and take her own conclusions about him, like she said, at least now she was the one who choosed to be away from her dad.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
I always told my daughter that I loved her father because part of him lives in her. Even now I tell her that. I told her today that I hate how he is acting but I don't hate him. I said to hate him would say something awful against her because she is made from both her mother and father. I'm at peace with her decision. He had his best foot forward at first but now he is taking pleasure in trying to make her feel inferior because she was born with me as her mom. Since he remarried he made it clear to her that she is part of his past but he moved on. It was like he divorced her when we divorced.
1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
23 Dec 11
Hello Pointless-Question, that is sad to know that she decided to hate her father. hatred leads to nowhere, cutting bridges is something that people do now a days. it's sad that you're daughter had to make this decision. I mean, if something happens to you, whom is she going to turn to? Family is isn't something you can just tear it away from. a lot of people are longing to see their biological families
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
She has never had her father in her life at all. She is not missing anything. He never sent her a christmas or birthday card growing up. He divorced her at 18 months old when we divorced. She gave him about a year and he has finally shown his true colors. She said she has closure now. Thats all she wants.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
Well, my friend, at least your daughter was able to meet her father. Discovering how her father is as a person is already something for her. Even if it's a bad experience, at least she has seen and known him.
And she's right, she is done with him if he is that jerk. It's indeed a closure for her longing for a father.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
She said her grandfather filled that role for her. He was a dad to her growing up. Now her father in law fills that void. She says she has family that loves her. She doesn't need him.
