Should I be mad?

I think that I understand a little better. It does make it difficult when you are dreading those calls around the holidays, especially since the holidays can be very enjoyable but also very stressful without any added stress and problems. I also understand your fear regarding your children. It is a very tough situation, and I know that you are trying to do what is best for everybody. I read in another response box where you said that your ex was physically abusive to you. That combined with the fact that he abandoned you and your children and has been inconsistent throughout their lives would make me say that he is not allowed to see them or have any contact with them whatsoever. Of course, you have to make your own decisions, but this is the way I see it ... the ex was abusive to you and could just as easily be abusive to the children, the ex only calls once in a while, which basically just disrupts your lives and causes stress and problems, and when he says that he will see the children he always cancels - these are things that can harm your children physically, mentally and emotionally, and they can carry these scars well into adulthood. In addition, your children already have a stable, loving family (including father), so why not just keep things the way they are? If your ex eventually gets his act together, then you can always re-evaluate the situation and change your mind, but for now I think it is in the best interests of your children to keep him as far away from them as possible, of course that is just my opinion. When your children are older, you can explain why you did what you did, but I do not believe they will have any negative feelings towards you for doing this, especially since it was about what was best for them and not about you and any anger or ill-feelings you have towards your ex.

Thanks! That is completely how I feel! It is completely about my kids & has nothing to do with him or my feelings towards him. I've put that aside in evaluating the situation because I never want them to feel like they have to chose sides or for them to hate him because I said hateful things about him. I want them to make their own thoughts on it.

Unfortunately he makes you think about it because he generally calls & h arrases us on the holidays, so we were expecting the calls. But I completely understand what you are saying & he's not worth it. I just don't want my kids to resent me later in life for not telling them about him or for them to be thinking that I wouldn't let them see him.

Thank you! It means a lot to hear that someone feels that way! I def. don't mention it all the time, just if he calls generally. Also some of their newborn pics have him in it & if they ask who it is I say that. I can't get rid of the pics b/c they are a special time in my kids lives, so that's the way I've found is best to deal with the situation. Do you agree?

I agree dear, this is life I guess. here's to your happy life, god bless you and your sweet kids.

Thanks! God bless you as well!

Thanks!!! I'm trying not to be mad but it's so hard to see them so happy when he calls & the promises he makes & then he always breaks them. It just sucks! I'm glad that they know me & their daddy. I'm glad so far they don't ask to call or see their sperm donor! I'm just dreading the day when it happens

Thanks! I completely agree. I feel that they need to decide how they feel about him but that's to be done once they are older & understand what's going on with him, not for now. For now I am trying to keep him away so he does not confuse them & disrupt our lives like he has done in the past!