Are you going to hit your kids when visiting and the other kids act up?
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
United States
December 26, 2011 11:36am CST
I got the idea for this discussion because I was on another discussion and it triggered a childhood memory for me. It used to be we would go over to my Aunt M’s and Uncle K’s house. They had 3 kids, one boy D, and two girls, Rox and J. My parents and M and K would play cards at least once a week and of course they would bring my brother R and me with them because they couldn’t leave us alone.
Well, maybe the boy D and the girls Rox and J would get into an argument and be making noise. Well uncle K would get up and put his hands on the kids (hit them)… and then my father would hit my brother R and me just because K hit his kids. Then we would be all told to shut up when we were crying from being hit. I remember my father towering over me, telling me to shut it up or he would give me something to cry for. First of all, I didn’t do anything. I wasn’t part of whatever went on between the other kids. I might have been coloring with J and D would come along and do something to Rox and we would all get hit.
After my brother, R, got old enough he refused to go with them, because he was tired of being hit for no reason.. but I still had to go because they wouldn’t leave me home with R. I always got hit if my uncle K hit his kids.
Now I ask you.. if you visit with your family and friends, and their kids misbehave and get hit.. do you hit your kids too even though they didn’t do anything? I always felt this was so unfair. As I think of it… if our parents want to teach us to be non violent, then why be violent with us? If my dad hit his boss in the same way he hit me, he would probably be in jail. I don’t think parents who hit their kids like that think of their kids as people with feelings. I don’t think hitting taught me anything except to fear my dad, but that’s another discussion. Your thoughts on hitting your kids at someone else’s house, even if your kids didn’t do anything to get hit for?
Uncle K is dead now. Buy his kids moved far away and never had anything to do with him. In fact when D came to visit my brother R, he would tell my brother to not breathe a word to M and K that he was there in town. He moved to Texas and would come to NY to see my brother and his wife and do stuff with them, and NEVER even stop by to see his mom and dad. He loved his mom, but never went there because his dad was there. He came around after his father died.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
27 Dec 11
That is sad to hear about your cousins having nothing to do with the parents once they were grown up. At least not until their father passed away.
My parents never hit us in front of anyone and none of our Aunts or Uncles hit either.
But, I can't say we didn't get hit when we were at home. My mother was the one who did most of the abuse. But, she never did it in front of anyone. She would yell at us in front of cousins or friends that were at our house. We got smart to that and stopped asking to have our friends over.
I feel bad that you had to go through being hit when at your relatives. You are absolutely right, it was not right that you got hit because they hit their kids.
Hugs
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@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
27 Dec 11
That’s not right at all to hit kids just because other kids got hit. My uncle shouldn’t have been hitting his kids anyway… the way I see it.. if you wouldn’t hit your boss, or your neighbor, or your neighbor’s kids..why would you hit your kids, whom you are supposed to love? My dad assaulting me didn’t show that he loved me. I never got that message. 
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@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
28 Dec 11
I totally agree with you that it was not right for your Uncle or your father to be hitting. Most likely they went through that themselves as children. And the cycle did not get broken. I am sure your father loved you, but did not know how to show it, as he was not shown love when he grew up.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
27 Dec 11
well for one thing it is against the law here to hit your kids.
and no I never hit steven he got other forms of punishment once we got home
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@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
27 Dec 11
Back when I was growing up, I don't think there were any laws to protect kids. We never heard about child abuse. I know people still whip their kids with belts, their hands, and sticks. I can remember my father taking a hickory stick or some kind of stick and lashing me. I was running from him trying to get away from his hitting me and he of course was faster and he whipped me bad.. I went to school with welts all over the back of my legs.
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@winterose (39887)
• Canada
28 Dec 11
I was never hit my family didn't believe in it even back in 1955
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
27 Dec 11
I am very sorry you had such an experience growing up. I don't hit my kids after they are old enough to understand other forms of punishment and before it was a pop on the hand to warn of danger such as poking the plug or trying to touch the stove. I am a fan of creative punishment like taking away things they like to do (games, skateboards,ect.). I also do not hold anyone responsible for something they were not involved in. I know a mother whose oldest will get punished if they see the younger ones doing something and was not able to stop them. I was the oldest in my family and I got a little of this until I looked my mother in the face and asked her (with a respectful tone)"If her didn't listen to you and you are Mom then why do you think he is going to listen to me?". After that things changed. As parents we need to constantly look into the details of every situation and then react. Often easier said then done but it is amazing how asking a few questions can change the way a situation will appear and the way one will wish to react to it.
Very good topic.
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@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
27 Dec 11
Getting hit for someone else’s ‘crime’ is just wrong. My cousin misbehaved or made too much noise, or screamed and squealed and it made the uncle mad.. then he would hit.. then my dad would hit me for the same reason… and I’m just sitting on the couch or whatever. So wrong. There is still a lot of hitting done in families today… I know of a few who do it. I’m not talking about a tap on the behind either. I’m talking about yanking a kid by the arm and wailing away on them. My brother got his glasses broke into his eyelid by my dad because he was a few minutes late coming in from Trick or Treating.
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
1 Jan 12
It was unfair. Kids should be disciplined for what they do not just because other kids are being disciplined. Also, when I had to spank my kids I always allowed them to cry. It is not fair to hurt someone and then expect them to stay quiet about it.
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@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
1 Jan 12
I agree. I believe children need to be able to express themselves. Crying to express pain and even shame and embarrassment should be allowed. It’s abusive of the parents to tell them to shut up or they will get something to cry for. My dad did that to us.
@maxczchen (5)
•
27 Dec 11
That depends on what my kids did i thought, generally i would not hit them, instead i would talk to them. Violence is not working. But if they really ignored, i would do something, which is reasonable right?
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@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
27 Dec 11
I don’t think it is ever reasonable to lay your hands on your kids in anger. I mean… parents aren’t hitting their kids when they aren’t upset with them or aren’t mad with them. I’ve never seen my dad smiling and happy as he was throwing me, or breaking a bone in my back side. I never got the message that he loved me every time he slapped me, or kicked me. Would my dad treat his boss the way he treated me? Of course not.. he would be put in jail. If he wouldn’t do it to a grown up, why do it on a kid? Because a kid is smaller… that’s why.
@squallming (1775)
• Malaysia
27 Dec 11
In my opinion, I would certainly not hit my children in front of other people in their house. Children or kids have their pride and the need to be respected you know. They are no different than adult except they haven't learn so many stuff or experienced these stuff yet. So I would treat kids as the way I treat adult. respect and value them as a person. If they really did do something wrong, I would talk nicely to them, advise them in a proper manner, violent gets nowhere.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
27 Dec 11
I agree. Being violent with your children just teaches them to deal with their kids with violence. One time my brother was a kid and got a black eye by a kid punching him. My brother told my dad that Teddy blacked his eye and my father blacked his other one and bloodied his nose for tattling. My father said “you are going to learn to fight your own battles, or I’m going to kick your azz”. Dad was all about violence when we were growing up. He mellowed out in his old age… but it was awful growing up.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
27 Dec 11
My mom used to do the very same thing. My cousins would act up and we would get a whoopin too, even though we did not do anything wrong. That made me so mad and I resented her for years for it but I am over it now. It doesn't happen anymore.
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@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
27 Dec 11
It doesn't happen now because you are grown with a family of your own, thank goodness. I hated going to my cousin's house because I knew I would get hit.
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@SpikeTheLobster (6403)
•
26 Dec 11
That's called child abuse. If anyone in my family hit their kids (more than a symbolic tap on the butt, I mean) I'd have words with them and - if they carried on - report them to social services. There is NO place for violence in the home.
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@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
26 Dec 11
Thank you!!! I agree! I never treated my daughter (my only child) the way that I was treated. My brother finally threatened to beat my dad’s behind (saying it nicely Spike) if he ever laid a hand on him, me, or my mom ever again. Dad did break my tail bone when I was 12 and that was the last time he ever hit or kicked me or threw me ever again… I think he came close to being afraid of being turned in to the cops. I was sworn to secrecy.. but I did tell after I was married… and someone brought it up to him that I said that.. my dad confronted me with it and asked “haven’t I suffered enough for that?” I said… “you never even said you were sorry. You never apologized or asked forgiveness even once. It didn’t hurt you to sit down for months. It hurt me and you never once said sorry… so don’t even come and ask me why I said something. I’m not keeping quiet ever again. And I’ll never raise my kids to be afraid of me.” I only have one child... and she will be 42 in January. She has been a great child and never was she ever afraid of me.
