The Person Who Ruined Christmas

The is a person like that in my family, too. He is my middle cousin. He always gets drunk and acts stupid on holidays. This year he decided to smack my older cousin's finance on the butt, for no reason. Then he wouldn't come in for Christmas dinner or to open presents. I'm so sick of all his drinking and always poor behavior. He ruined everyone's Christmas and I'm about done with him.

That is just terrible! I am so sorry to hear about that, though you said it didn't ruin your Christmas I am sure that you were fuming because of what happened and how it had ruined your grandmother's Christmas so I think it at the very least ruined the rest of your day. I know people who ruin holidays as well, well I've told about how my grandmother does in the past so you know about that.

I am very lucky to say only a few times and that was my ex. He never wanted the kids anyother time but on holidays...then he wanted to show his family what a wonderful father he was so wanted the kids to take home to grandmas.....that left me alone on holidays because I didn't want to keep them away when an opportunity arose to be with dad...I'll help if you want me to beat the crud out of him....

Sorry to hear you have this problem in your family. Hopefully your Uncle will eventually get some help. Has anyone tried to do an intervention with him to get into detox? Hopefully he will get help before his next accidental overdose ends his life. I have had several family members ruin every holiday, birthday, etc. Such is life.

I can't think of any specific holiday related incidents in my family - but I block a lot of it out anyway... Are they sure it was an accidental overdose? The trouble with people like your uncle is that they do so much attention seeking drama that you start to suspect that it's the kind of thing he'd do deliberately to become the centre of the universe for a day. I know people like this and do my best to avoid them - always a scene of some sort or another at any social occasion, sometimes you just wait for it to happen (I wish I could put money on it at the bookies!). He doesn't want to deal with it and change things and you and other family members have tried to help him so its up to him. If he doesn't value his life it isn't fair to expect anyone else to do it. I think he beats himself up just fine - although it might make you feel better if you walloped him!

I've nEver had anyone ruin Christmas or any other holiday that I remember. I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. I think he needs help more than he needs to be despised. Maybe you all need to do an intervention with him. He gets help or everyone in the family turns their backs on him. I see this show intervention and it really seems to work.

Unfortunately my friend their is times where you might know someone or have someone related to you that you see always doing this to someone, and it really makes you wonder. Many times these people just cannot grow up and take responsibility for themselves, and always getting into trouble as well. But with this one, sounds like he is always crying wolf and no one there can help him. With the medical the way it is anymore, most hospitals will not keep someone for longer than 2 days at most due to costs. I know around here it is due to the Medical that they have to write off, so best to send them home as soon as they can. It is sad that no one can help anymore, and hopefully somehow something can change to wake him up before it is one time to many and no one wants to care.

Yes. It happens to me every single year. It has got me to the point of not even trying to celebrate it.

Hi AmbiePam, Your grandma needs to emotionally detach herself from this man which is easier said than done...he is her son. What she should have done is to call 911 and made sure that he got the help he needed but NOT ruined her Christmas over it. She should have carried on with her plans without him. I'm sure though, even if she had done that, he'd have been topic of conversation and she still would have been beside herself with worry. I was married to an addict and for some reason, they do always tend to be worse when there is any sort of holiday or family get together. I'm not sure why that is but I do remember just wishing we could have one holiday that wasn't marred with a bad memory of something he pulled as a result of over-indulging. I left him long ago..no regrets. Still, I imagine it is harder as a parent to do that. My daughter's boyfriend has some anger issues and ruined her Christmas this year by not joining in....giving her the silent treatment and just being an all around jackasz. When we say something to her, she gets defensive. Seems there is one in every family.

Gee, what a guy! Sorry for you and your grandma.. it's really sad. Why do bad things always happen to good people and nothing bad really happens to bad people? Nobody ruined this Christmas.. though I did have some drama a couple days later, which I started a discussion about.. when you get around to it. Hubby is usually the one to ruin my Christmases, LOL.. though he's never actually ruined any, but there were a few that weren't so great because he was sick and didn't even pretend to feel okay through the day. Then there was the Christmas while I was pregnant and we went over to SIL's and she decided to serve lunch meat sandwiches instead of a meal.. that wasn't the greatest. Though the worst Christmas I can remember was my 20th. A week before Christmas I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. He was a spiteful jerk. He somehow managed to kill my car.. I can't prove he did but when I went to drive it the next day it was mysteriously out of oil and I blew the engine. Since my job was as a delivery driver, without a car I had no job. He also called CPS on me telling them a ton of lies that I beat my son (who was 3 at the time) and didn't feed him, etc. CPS dropped the case immediately.. but it still had me shaken. So, a week before Christmas I lost my boyfriend (and although it was over all a good thing it was still an emotional time), my car, my job, and even faced losing my son. So, I got my very last paycheck and hadn't finished my shopping yet. Thankfully some friends had gotten my son a TON of gifts and dropped them off at my place so he could open them Christmas morning. So I spent my last check on 1 thing for my son, 1 thing for my sister, 1 thing for my brother.. then took my son and sister to see How The Grinch Stole Christmas in theaters. Then my money was gone. So Christmas rolls around.. and my mother is being a surly B****. She'd been living off disability since I was 17, so couldn't afford to buy gifts. She was so mean to me about the fact that my son got so many gifts from my friends. My sister, who was 5 at the time, was excited for my son.. my mother was just angry and couldn't be happy for her own grandchild. She didn't appreciate the fact that I did get something for my siblings.. her brother came over with things for my brother and sister, and nothing for me or my son and I didn't care. After Christmas was over things didn't get better. My mother was just miserable all week. My son got a remote control car, and I tried to let him play with it in the laundry room across the hall from our apartment, but my mother came over and told me it was too noisy.. I spent most of the following weeks locked up in my room watching videos with my son trying to avoid my mother and her attitude. It was the most miserable Christmas of my life!

omg. i thought i had a bad one. if you read my last discussion you will see how bad. im still to sick to go through it all on here today. maybe later again. im going to the doctor in a few hrs to see if i can get something done about how i feel so hopefully i will have more to say then. son is home now so its a bit quieter here at least lets hope we have a better new year?

I'll help you...I need to release a little stress anyway. That is a shame to have to stand by and watch someone that is ruining themselves and the quality of life for everyone around him too. It must be a heavy burden to your poor grandma...I hate that. She must be a very strong woman. I have never had a holiday ruined in any manner such as the one your talking about. I would feel badly if I even tried to compare any past holidays that I thought were bad to that of your grandmas. Take care and I hope he comes around.

Several things have 'slightly' ruined Christmas for me. The first was an incident many years ago. As all kids tend to do, my younger sister had a list 50 items deep. I on the other hand, really didn't need anything, and I ask only for a new stereo, as my old one had burned out, and didn't work. As we sat there on Christmas, I got some socks, and a couple of shirts, but no stereo. My sister had dozens on dozens of items, and was sitting in a pile of presents. I had assumed that we were done, and started to take my socks up stairs, when I was told one more present was waiting in the other room. My gracious parents had purchased a massive stereo, not the small microwave sized one I expected. While I was overcome with the size of the gift, my sister sitting in her pile of presents freaked out. Started complaining and whining about how they didn't get her a stereo like that. Worse, my parents were grieved and felt they had not given "equally" between us, and ran out to buy her a stereo just like it. I thought Christmas was about "gifts" not demands and greed and making sure everyone gets exactly the same thing. But I guess I was wrong. Ironically, it made me wish I had never asked for the stereo, so they would not have been so grieved about not buying both of us EXACTLY the same thing. I was more happy that Christmas when I though all I had gotten was socks and shirt. And I never again asked my parents for much of anything. The second incident happened after I moved out. When I got my first apartment, and had to pay my own bills, it's amazing how much you don't know about budgeting, when you now are forced to. Further, I lost my job, and was unemployed for several weeks just before Christmas. Needless to say, I had no money. It wasn't that I could have bought something, and didn't. It was that I couldn't. I didn't have $50 bucks to spend. I explained this to everyone, but that apparently wasn't good enough. My parents insisted that they purchase a gift for other people, and then place my name on it, as if it came from me. When I protested that this was disingenuous, my mother proclaimed to me that I *must* give a gift, because I'm part of the family. I of course questioned that if I do not give a gift, does that mean I was not part of the family? She affirmed that if I didn't, I was not part of the family. If that wasn't enough salt rubbed in the wound of being impoverished, I had to face the people who got those gifts and asked me questions about them, like where I got them and so on. Of course in the onslaught of questioning, people quickly realized I had no idea what the gift was, where it was purchased, or how I found it. All of which was absolutely humiliating to me. Finally, the third one happened this Christmas. My sister has since grown up, got married, and has a family with her husband and three kids, plus another one on the way. With responsibilities, and such, her biggest concern of course is money. Money for this, money for that. Money for all the things needed for a quickly growing family. I, on the other hand, have no family, no kids, no girlfriends. Nothing that I need to spend money on. So I have cash. Not tons. But enough. What better thing can I give her, than a gift card to her primary shopping store? And so for the last 4 years I have done that. Each year giving a little more than the last. Last year, I gave her a gift card for $200. That doesn't even cover one month worth of food for her family. But that was my gift. Well... apparently my gift was too much. I received word that I was not allowed to give her such large amounts on a gift card.... because that made her feel uncomfortable about not being able to give a similar amount back to me.... which would have defeated the entire purpose anyway, but who cares. So apparently now I'm supposed to have consultations with all members both receiving and giving gifts, so that we can achieve solidarity between givers and equality between gifts, so as to avoid making someone feel uncomfortable. Conclusion. I am a Christian. I love the Christian faith in Jesus Christ, but honestly as clearly as I can state this, I hate Christmas. I have not the slightest in good feelings about this holiday. People talk about having the charitable feeling. Well I don't need Christmas to be charitable, and I regularly give out 'presents' during the year. I can promise only this. Unless I by chance happen to get married, and that person makes it an ultimate of Christmas or Divorce... once my parents pass on to the other side, I will never do Christmas again until I go to my grave.

poor Ambie your family really has a lot on their plate and I am sorry your uncle behaves like he does. Think over here he would very quickly end in a psychiatric ward behaving like this and I bet that would be best for him so the medical staff can control his meds etc. Isnt there a possibility of getting him locked in the US? With what you tell us here this seems to be the only real option. Ruined holidays, especially Christmases, oh yes I had enough of these. Mainly when I had moved to my rented place with 31 and then went to see my mother and aunt for Christmas Eve twice. You got to know that as a child I had to put up with food I hated for Christmas Eve anyways cause that was the meal tradition where my maternal family came from and it was really one of the traditions held up very highly. I dislike fish and the smell of it makes me nauseous and this fish really reeks to hight heaven when its baked. Ewwwwwwww. So when I got to my own place I asked when they were finished having the meal, traditionally around 6 pm and said I would get there afterwards. My mother said yes around 8 and when I got there, quite excited for a nice Christmas Eve they were still eating and the house reeked of that $%&/ fish. Then when they were done eating my mother fell asleep right on the chair and when I complained she yelled at me I can sleep whenever I want. One of these years I endured this I had really searched high and low all over the city for a certain item she wanted and what did mommy dear do? Out of anger she threw my gift into my old bedroom which had turned into a total mess anyways since I moved out and didnt even acknowledge the gift. Thats only bit of glimpses of the things happening at that place. Every Christmas feeling like on a tightrope without a safety net ready for more emotional abuse......... sooooooo I can say this past Christmas has been the first happy, guilt free wonderful Christmas of my life without any emotional pain etc. as my mother is no more and I have cut ties with the family as much as possible apart from courteous cards for Christmas and bdays. But reading your post almost makes me feel guilty I had such a nice time and you have to battle as you do even during the holidays.

I hate the holidays and special occasions because I can't stand watching people who drink too much. And there is always someone who drinks too much, usually more than one. And unfortunately my husband is one of them. He drank too much at my family get together on Boxing Day. Both my daughters got very upset with him. Now my sister is telling me it is my turn to take my mother for Christmas next year... then she went on to tell me all the things she broke at her house. My mother probably drank too much. She didn't drink on Boxing Day but still manage to break something. If I have her for Christmas then the drinking with my husband will start Christmas Eve through until Boxing Day. I don't think I can stand it. I am seriously fretting about a time that is a whole year away.

that's too bad Ambie I don't think you're being hard on him you're just upset something you have been looking forward to is ruined and reading the whole discussion, it's understandable

Hi Ambie Pam, I feel very sorry for your grandmother. Christmas is a terrible time to choose for an overdose. I think it is wise his kids now won't have anything to do with him. He was wrong to steal money, take the medication of someone else and bark in a nasty way at his kids. I hope he will have a new start and happier time in 2012.

Aww i'm so sorry this had to happen but I am glad your grandmother is deciding to let her son go. Some people need to have a rude awakening before they smarten up. As for me, my worst Christmas has been the year after I left my foster home and out on my own for the first time in my life. Well, I've never had a good happy Christmas but a little history my foster mother gets mad if I don't spend at least a cerain amount on each member of the household, adn I was invited over for Christmas, but I was depressed, and my foster mother made it so much worse by belittling me and accusing me of imaginary things. She then told me that I wasn't going to have the traditional stocking, which hurt but I was fine after a few minutes and just sat at the table to wait for the others to recieve thier stockings and open them. The foster mother put a stocking in my place and I cheered up and started to enjoy the christmas day. Long story short, I went back to my boarding place only to have her call me up and accuse me of everything under the sun, even AFTER I spent over twice as much money as she expected me to spend on EACH family member. Ugh, after a heated exchange of word and colourful language I didn't go down there ever again for a holiday time. This was about 14 years ago, I think now.