Time heals all wounds or does it?
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
United States
December 31, 2011 9:48am CST
We have all heard this catch phrase that time heals all wounds. I don’t believe time has anything to do with healing wounds. I think what heals psychological wounds is that we deal with them and get past them. Emotional wounds can fester for years and not ever be healed no matter how much time goes by, so time has nothing to do with healing. It is YOU dealing with the emotional and psychological pain that heals you.
Your thoughts, mylotters?
10 people like this
50 responses
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
31 Dec 11
You make some very good points there and I have to agree with all of them. However, I do think time plays it's role in the matter, too. Sometimes with a pain that won't heal we will feel better after time has passed just because we have gotten used to the pain. Does that make sense?
2 people like this
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
3 Jan 12
Exactly. That's like the pain I have of the loss of my husband. It's been seven years and I don't think about it much but every now and then I will hear a song or see some sight that will make me remember and the hurt comes back and I have to start healing all over again.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
3 Jan 12
Yes, I agree. I believe we forget and our feelings flatten, so to speak. We become accustomed to the pain and our threshold for it changes and we don’t feel it anymore.
@jaihobalodiji1 (949)
• India
31 Dec 11
it does heal every thing, even wounds too. it is supreme and rules the world. those who follow time it leaves them behind. try to walk with time and live with time.cheers
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
3 Jan 12
I think it is more to do with change which occurs in time. You mention keeping up with time... Try to walk backward in time... you can't. I’m watching a program on time in the universe. It talks about the arrow of time that goes only in one direction, and that with the progression of time everything changes.. we change and the universe changes. It was really interesting… and I believe that the change that occurs is that our memories fade and our emotions flatten on painful events in our lives.
@jaihobalodiji1 (949)
• India
4 Jan 12
with the change to time every thing not changes. its only day and light which changes. if a person has decided that he is not going to change himself then how can time change him. changes happens with those who are ready to change.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
3 Jan 12
It is because we change. We grow day by day and we change how we perceive things. What wounded us badly doesn’t always have the same impact once we have changed how we respond and react to the memory.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
1 Jan 12
It does not really heal i believe..it more or less pacifies the pain down. It decreases the level of pain..and in due time you find yourself less angry, less in pain..and you know you are near forgiveness and the pain and anger is healed by you..time just helps.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
3 Jan 12
I think it is more of a line or something we say. It has been handed down to us like homemade scripture. We do change over the expanse of our existence, but time in itself doesn’t heal. We have to do that. This goes for physical as well as psychological wounds.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
31 Dec 11
I totally agree with you. If you are a person that can let things go you will heal much faster. I am one of those people that something will trigger those feelings and refresh the memories. I try to shake them, but it doesn't always work.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
1 Jan 12
I totally agree with you. I suffer depression too, so my mind goes back to things in the past. Plus I am one of those people that remembers things from years back in detail. Sometimes it is nice, but most of the time I would like to just forget about something and leave it back in the past.
You are right something or someone will trigger those bad feelings.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Dec 11
Me too. I can totally forget something and then something or someone reminds me of something and I am right there back in the pain again until I block it from my mind again. I think healing is more psycho-physiological process we go through.
1 person likes this
@BLTLife (337)
• United States
31 Dec 11
I believe there is a middle ground here. Time heals some wounds. Because if there is a painful event in our life, big or small, and we start to lose the memory, we will also start losing the feelings associated with it. But this varies from person to person and event to event.
So I guess I believe you are 1/2 right.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Dec 11
Well, my forgetter is getting better and better, so I shouldn’t have any pain at all. Still, is that a time issue, or a physiological issue of forgetting? I have very little short term memory, but I have lots of long term memory. I can think about my ex husband of 19 years and still feel pain as if it were yesterday, so time has not healed that wound. As long as I don’t think about it, there is no pain… but once I think about it the memories hurt… so time has not healed any wounds for me.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
31 Dec 11
Hi PQ,
I think some wounds are just too deep to be healed with time. I do think that time helps us to cope better with them and over time, we don't hurt as much. Still, with some things there is always a scar. I can't remember for sure just who this quote is from, (Winston Churchill or maybe Michealangelo??)
"Time heals all wounds and wounds all heals."
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Jan 12
sid is that not time heals all wounds and wounds all heels. like in a person who is a downright heel of a person lol lol?
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
31 Dec 11
I think time helps. It may not heal them but it makes it easier to accept them & get over the hurt.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
3 Jan 12
Hi Anti, Welcome to this discussion. I think it is thought provoking. I’m watching a program on the science channel about time and the universe… it is really interesting. We change over the passage of time or the passage of our existence, if you will. I know I have healed lots of emotional wounds, but if someone mentions something that I have healed from, I can hurt all over again like it just happened again.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
31 Dec 11
Literally its not the TIME that heal wounds , it is the person/concern individual.
However, it takes TIME, that is why the saying goes like that.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Dec 11
Sure time passes. We live in the present, so when we heal it is a process that takes place in the present, but we call that process time. Each sunrise signifies a new day, but still we are in the present.
@2004cqui (2812)
• United States
8 Jan 12
The only way a wound can be healed is when the harmed person can figure out a way to do it. Even if a wound is healed scar tissue is always left! I was psychologically wounded when I was about 5 years old. The scar tissue remains 50 years later. I protect myself by thinking about animals and pets differently, There is more that has never been completely healed. My relationship with my family will never be the same, My relationship with men will never be the same, etc.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
8 Jan 12
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. You are so right. Time doesn’t heal ALL wounds. The word ALL is the main word that should make us think twice. It does take time for us to process things and get over them, but some things we just never get over. I went through a lot as a kid and it followed me to my adult years. I helped to heal myself by writing about child abuse.. it was about me.. I wrote about 7 articles to tell my story and it helped me a lot and it helped me to forgive. Forgiving is what freed me from the pain of it and the pain of feeling unloved… or not good enough.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Dec 11
Is it really the time? or is it that in that time you have dealt with your problems or forgot about whatever it is that wounded you in the first place.
1 person likes this
@Pushhyarag2000 (1416)
• India
31 Dec 11
Good question. And an intriguing one at that. I would say 9 out of 10 times it does and I guess only 1 in 10 it may not. Everything is dependent on time. National disasters happen, over time people move on. Terror strikes happen in metropolitan cities across the world, there's anxiety, commotion and resentment, again after some time, people move on. Some dastardly act of crime happens, people seethe with anger, every one talks about it and some months later, people have moved on.
In personal lives too, grief strikes and well wishers converge, console, advice and after some time everyone is into their own and the one who is affected, slowly reconciles that it is futile to live in past, new events, hopes and circumstances take over and [9 out of 10] people decide they have to go with the times. The only ones, the 1 out of 10 for whom nothing else matters but the past, that they hold on to, nothing else will ever matter.
Pragmatism is to move on and not resist events of present.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Dec 11
Time does pass, one moment passes on to the next in our concept of time. Yes, when disasters happen or people in our lives die, we do move on. I think we heal because we learn to deal with the stages of grief but the ticking of the clock has little to do with it, in my opinion. I believe that we think of time rather than how we adjust over a period of time. It's more to do with us, I think.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
6 Jan 12
It’s true. Some folks don’t heal no matter how much time goes by… which proves time doesn’t heal.. it is within us to heal or not.
@bambsam1 (2)
• United States
3 Jan 12
This is a very intriguing topic and I agree with you that time doesn't really have anything to do with healing wounds. Rather, it is the person who takes action to move past the pain who ultimately heals from the initial psychological wound. With the passage of time, the person is able to see the initial situation from a different perspective and perhaps that's why the saying "time heals all wounds" exists. In my personal experience, it's been 10 years since I found out that my ex was cheating on me with a married coworker. He left me for her. It was very painful for me to get over this. But now that I look back, it took me 10 years to heal and now I am stronger than ever. It isn't really time that healed my wounds, though. It was my will and determination to move on, to get past the pain, and to live the best life that I want for myself.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
4 Jan 12
Time is indeed an element necessary for the healing process, but to heal is something that happens within us. It’s the way we are made to process information and move on from it. Bad things that happen create feelings, and those feelings change as we process them over the expanse of time.
@ltalarico411 (2)
•
3 Jan 12
I agree. Time does not heal any wounds. When you lose someone special to you weather they pass or they just walk out of your life you have to learn to cope yourself. And it may take a couple days or even a couple months. There's No telling.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
6 Jan 12
I think as time goes on we forget about things how painful they are and it doesn't always hurt as badly as it was when it was fresh in our minds.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
6 Jan 12
I think so too. It seems when things first happen they affect us greatly and then when so many other things happen in between the things that once bothered us are forgotten about to some degree.
@churchill1980 (764)
• Philippines
10 Jan 12
i think time has nothing to do with healing wounds, but it let us get used into it that the impact or the pain inflicting us vanished through times because we get used with this feelings. we become immune with the pain, but it's still there, and it is our personal choice whether or not we'll hang into it. happiness is a choice, they would say, true also with the pain. it is our choice to keep the pain or let go of it and used the lesson learned to better our lives in the future.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
10 Jan 12
Becoming immune to the pain… I think that might just be what happens sometimes. Time doesn’t do the healing.. we do in the present. We say we heal in time, but in all the time we have lived from the day we were born is NOW. We have always been alive in the present. We hurt in the present and we heal in the present. We don’t heal in the future…it all takes place one day at a time in the present.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
1 Jan 12
I think it is a combination of the two. I recall when I was very deeply hurt by an old boyfriend I was living with for 12 years. In the 10th year he got a woman pregnant while we were dealing with my own infertility issues. It was so very painful and for weeks I did nothing but wallow in that pain, not knowing how to make it better, not believing it would get better. I could not eat so I forced myself to eat baby food just to have enough energy to make it through work and I'd come home and crawl up in my fetal position until the next morning. One morning I woke up and I just did not feel as bad as I had been. That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was there, but not as bad. By the end of that week I felt like I wanted to take a bite of a sandwich. In a couple of months I was almost myself again. It took about a year before I could see that baby or hear his mother's name and not get an immediate stabbing feeling. By the third year me and the mother could talk amiably with no bitter feelings. I believe time is what started the healing process because I did not do anything to try and get better. I did not know what to do. Later as i got better I think I was then able to add to my own healing process by dealing with it and ultimately getting past it.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
9 Jan 12
I did stay for a while but it just did not work out. He could not fully chose me or the mother. He kept running back and forth between us and ultimately we both let him go. He has had several relationships since then and even though we are not or never will be together, we have remained friends.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
4 Jan 12
I’m sorry for what happened to you. I take it you stayed with the boyfriend who cheated on you? That is an amazing feat in itself, if you did. I’m sure time played its role in your healing. I think getting up and going to work every day helped too. Having something to think about during that time helped also. You were fortunate to have healed from this terrible hurt. There are some people who never seem to move past their hurts. It’s like the wounds are always open and festering no matter how much time passes, so I’m glad you were able to deal with it.
@allknowing (136540)
• India
2 Jan 12
The intensity of the pain does get reduced with time. It stays there only if one wallows in it and indulges in it making a martyr of oneself. Leave the pain alone and time will certainly help get rid of it.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (136540)
• India
4 Jan 12
Time alone will not ease the pain but it certainly aids to reduce pain. One has to make a determined effort to forget the incident.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
4 Jan 12
I don’t believe people necessarily wallow in pain, as you say. One thing I have learned is to not dwell on things I can’t change. The memories will always be there, and if something triggers that memory there may be pain just as bad as when it first occurred. Once I express that pain, I can then put the memory away until the next time it is triggered.
@aaronfyzeon (1920)
• Philippines
2 Jan 12
Hello there! For me, time will never heal the wounds if the scar is emotional. the scar will definitely not heal if there is no apology being done. If there is no closure to anything bad being done to someone else, then it will just be there and it will linger in your mind. It may be forgotten because one has to really move on but each time you will be able to remember it then the pain will still just be there! So far I am lucky I don't have anything like this that makes me in pain emotionally.
1 person likes this
@aaronfyzeon (1920)
• Philippines
5 Jan 12
You said it now yourself that you cannot promise to yourself that you will still feel pain if you remembered those things. So it means that it will still not heal completely. But that's not the point. The important thing is that you already moved on with your life. This has been a very controversial topic because it has garnered a lot of good responses.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
4 Jan 12
I believe healing is a choice we make. I never got an apology for my former husband cheating on me, and for disrespecting me and our marriage… but I got past it. Yes, there are scars and those scars do get rubbed raw if there is a memory that gets triggered, but I am able to push that memory back into the recesses of my mind and go on. I don’t need an apology to heal, because I can choose to forgive regardless of an apology. Even with forgiveness, we don’t actually forget. Memories can still be triggered. I know that now, the pain is not there, but I can’t promise that the pain won’t come back to haunt me at some other time if a memory is triggered.
@daffdk (89)
• Denmark
4 Jan 12
Okay I'm honest, haven't read all the responses on this one (there were a lot). But I have read some of them, and they were really great. So sorry if I repeat anyone, please bear with me (is that the correct written phrase in english?)
I totally agree with you. If you're very emotionally it may be harder for you to heal a psychological wound, than if you know some part of your brain how it works, what you should deal with and so on. I know for me it works, have been reading, I think I can start saying, several books about psychology. And please let me use the word, "time", because it will lighten up my writing (I know it's a man made thing, but it's here to stay). If I have been exposed, for something which have made a psychological "wound" it will take me some time to recover from it, also if I use the tool which I know I can, I'll just shorten the time for the recovering. And yes I believe that every damn living human being should know to this. There's so many people, crying about that and that, but really nothing is wrong, they just have to move on and if they did knew to this stuff, they easily could move on, in a shorter time.
And this leads me to, why are people crying? In my world it's related to what the topic for this discussion is about. I believe that crying is for letting your feelings out, we all know that? (I have certainly been told it in my childhood). But also, is it for getting attention "Hey I have some stuff running around in my head, and I really have to discuss it with somebody", it could be. But then again some people want to be alone when they are crying. But this starts making some "attention" again, and the human being is a socially creature. Could it be related?
What I'm trying to say, one great tool to help you with a psychological "wound" is talking with someone you trust and listen to you! And not to forget, is interested in you, as a person, ask into your problem. Now I could start writing about coaching... that may be another day, my lab is low on battery, and it's late in my country, goodnight and happy writing all mylotters!
(Haven't read my post through for gramma failures, my lab is low on battery, really low!)
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
5 Jan 12
Thanks for your input. You mentioned crying. I did an article once about the function if tears. They really have a function to reduce emotional pain. There are chemicals released in tears that reduce the stress and pain. You've heard that a good cry makes you feel better? I believe this actually helps with wound healing if emotional pain.