I am scared of my loneliness...
By mr_pearl
@mr_pearl (5018)
India
December 31, 2011 5:25pm CST
My Dear Fellows... Happy New Year to you and your family... Hope you had or having a great time, during the transition between 2011 to 2012... I am not having a good time and so I am seeking help again on myLot..
What I write now, comes to me only when I am alone. I won't remember it, when I am better. I feel terrible.. I am scared of the solitude... Life is so worthless. And I can't see a ray of hope anywhere. There are people around, everyone has got a company and everyone is so happy too. Being among such people makes me feel cursed. I wanted to be a good man, a good husband and father; all dreams are ruined. All the dream ship when they sailed on the rough ocean of life, crashed on the rocks of reality and I am left shattered... I am scared I am gonna remain alone all my life. I am scared of it... I am scared I'll go mad someday and they will lock me up in a cell in an asylum. I scared of my solitude....
I am sorry if this post comes at a wrong time.. I understand you are celebrating... I just wanted to write and let you know (myLot is my family), how I feel... Thanks for reading this. If possible please pray to Heavens to give me strength enough to fight my loneliness.. Wonder, if I'll ever be able to fight it, I am so scared... :(
9 people like this
25 responses
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
1 Jan 12
You are very kind, dear lady.. You always gave me hope... Whether I remain alone or I find someone, I will be grateful to be friends with you... I don't want to sound negative about my life, Quita; but I think my love life is done with.. Has ended, maybe... And strategically, when I try to prepare for the worst, I get scared of the impeding 'solitude for life'....
Thanks for everything dear... You are very kind...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Jan 12
I'm about to sell my house, move with the children to a smaller house, be the only adult. It's scary. But I believe that by taking it one step at a time, I'll manage.
When you look at everything all at once, it is scary. Focus on one little thing that you can change, and then the next little thing, and hopefully it won't seem so overwhelming.
Best of luck.
2 people like this
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
1 Jan 12
Hi Dawn... It is a nice suggestion, thanks a lot... Although I have given up hope, I'll try... I must start working out if I'm to try it...
I am sorry to hear that you got seperated... Am sure you took the right decision... You have got your little kids with you Dawn... Thats the best thing. They give such a energy and strength... Take care of 'em and of yourself...
Happy New Year to all of you...
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Jan 12
hi dawn thats what my coworker told me when I lost my husband and was sh ttered with grief,take this one day at a time. you can handle'things when its just one day a a time, it stops being scary and you move on.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
1 Jan 12
Don't be scared, you heart is broken. It is Natural to feel this way. You need to go through this So when you find the One it will be even sweeter. As you see I said When Not if! It will take some time but iut will get better. This coming year do me a huge favor? Go out and do something fun once a week! I don't care What you do as long as it is fun. I feel like you need to get out She is out there, you partner. But she can't find you if you are all alone in your room! Try to get out, for me?
2 people like this
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
1 Jan 12
Oh Sarah... I really admire your patience and the strength to never to give up... I have taken advice about fun activity, am gonna watch Mission Impossible tomorrow.. I always do this, dear... Almost every week I watch a movie.. I trust your faith that I too will find the One. I'll try to have a bold face...
I want to say a lot, but I'm not able to find words... The solitude hangs real heavy... :-(
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
1 Jan 12
I am so sorry to hear this Mr. Pearl! How long have you been alone for? You are still so young that I find it hard to believe that you won't find love and the happiness that you are looking for and deserve. You will be in my prayers.I will pray that you find someone to share your life with. I do, however, strongly believe that you first have to find comfort with your solitude and that does take time. In doing so, you will find your own self-worth which I can see and I'm sure others can but if you yourself can't then what good is it? 1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
1 Jan 12
Hello Sid... Happy New Year... How long I have been alone??? For years... It just gets me depressed... I am quite young, but I have problems with socializing sometimes... I have these terrible mood swings, which alters my behavior... Probably, makes me look weird... I'll try something... My survival or sanity or both are at stake... :-(
Thanks a lot!
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
1 Jan 12
Thanks Sid.. It helps... I had never been able to categorize things. I am not shy. But at times, I get tounge tied... Something like anxiety, but not that, surely shadows my faculties... I don't have the problem always, but there are times when I have these attacks of anxiety and i can't overcome those...
When I am alone I have only one fear, that I am going to be alone... It kind of haunts me. There is another thing... I have a hideous feeling that I look terrible these days. I have lost my charm, maybe. My ugliness & my anxiety make me feel unworthy of life. It is as if I have been born with some disability, which makes a beast out of me... :-(
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
1 Jan 12
Hi Mr Pearl and Happy New Year to you too!
One of my daughters and I both had (have) an anxiety disorder known as "Selective Mute" . It comes across as shyness but it is so much more extreme than that. Without meds, we both have worked to overcome it and with much success. For me...most people would be very surprised to know that I even have such a thing for it rarely shows anymore. At it's worst, it does make socializing quite difficult. One thing we did was to get jobs working in the public. It is very very difficult at first but I swear...it helped 100%. I took the job and at first kept swearing I was going to quit as soon as I found another. Well, somewhere along the way, I started liking it. I think it would help you....something to consider anyway. 
1 person likes this
@sabado_dc (1001)
• Philippines
1 Jan 12
Think about those people who loss their loved ones permanently, without any trace of returning. They don't have any other recourse but to brace it open heartedly although the hurt it brings are beyond words to explain.
You know my Friend, The path that we are heading are never free of bumps and curves, but, these will lead us to a smoother path ahead. You have to move on and think about your future. The world has a lot of things to offer for you. Life is so precious and we don't need to ruin it. Besides, what you are suffering right now, take it as a challenge.
1 person likes this
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
1 Jan 12
I hope you realize that you're not alone in the way you feel. I too, am separated, and alone. You will get through this, and will probably be stronger on the other side. Life is not worthless, you will find there are a lot of other people here on MYLOT that feel the same way as you, and have managed to get out of it. You will too. I think sometimes that I will be alone and loveless forever, and then I think "hey, what's wrong with that"? I can't base my happiness on someone else, only I can make myself happy, and that's what I intend to do. So, learning, hobbies, fitness, are all going to be priorities this year. It will be all about me. So, I think you should do the same, think about you, and do what you need to do to make yourself happy.
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
1 Jan 12
Hi Thanks a lot... You really think positively... Your positive attitude is admirable... Yes, i can make myself happy.. I have thought of the worst... The best strategy is to prepare for the worst... I am doing so... It is only that sometimes the shadow hangs heavy...
Thanks a lot!
1 person likes this
@sukumar794 (5040)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
1 Jan 12
Often times...Loneliness is just great. It is good to be all by oneself..nothing to care for any matter or anybody. It is all you and you only that reigns supreme. Loneliness is thus quite fun and peaceful.The tranquil atmosphere it ushers in is beyond compare.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Jan 12
mr pearl there are lon ely people in hospitals and nursing homes who really enjoy having volunteers come in and share some fun and have a good time. doing something positive for someone else without expecting pay is a great loneliness breaker and it would make you feel good again.break your solitude by helping break someone else's
solitude.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
2 Jan 12
Hi mr pearl...I am sorry to hear you are feeling so discouraged and alone. Life is not always fair..I know that but I think that if you hang in there and keep your head up that it will present some wonderful surprises for you. Sometimes when we are not looking is when we find our greatest gifts. Holidays are not always cheerful but I think that if we let them they can give us hope for things to come. I am sending you a big hug. You don't have to fight all the time..sometimes we lay down to rest so we can fight harder tomorrow. Here is a poem I wrote once a long time ago and I named it Madness. The point of sharing it is so you can see that I have past the point of "madness".
Voices whisper in my ear as I sit alone.
Darkness closes in on me and tells me I'm at home.
Shadows dance within my mind of memories long since past.
I just can't tell what is real, the days go by so fast.
Pain has become my only friend. It tells me I'm alive.
When others just look past me, it's with me by and by.
Holding hands with madness and dancing under pain.
I just can't fight it anymore. My efforts are in vain.
There is no one to turn to. The things I loved are gone.
Another day with madness I must carry on.
1 person likes this
@OYGAK2005 (371)
• Saudi Arabia
1 Jan 12
hello pearl,,,,
i am same feeling with you know,, today just new year but the day same with other day for me. what heppining to me i don,t know feeling so alone just know...don,t scared be alone pearl!!! i wish you have a good day !!!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Jan 12
hi oygak2005 why not come to mylot when you feel alone
'as there are always some of us here to talk to, or
joke with.we most all have been in that place at
some time in o ur lives.we have to talk to others,
help others, take our minds off our own loneliness
and feel good about ourselves.
@sjvg1976 (41290)
• Delhi, India
1 Jan 12
Hello Pearl,
Why do you feel it that your dreams have ruined?
Did you have break with your partner or so?
Yes it hurts at a particular time when we are alone.I live with my family (wife+2 lovely kids),parents,brothers & their families so this feeling never came to me but i too fear like you to be alone in life.
I pray everything settles for you and you too become a good husband and good father soon.
How is the weather in PUNE today pearl.
Did you have break with your partner or so?
Yes it hurts at a particular time when we are alone.I live with my family (wife+2 lovely kids),parents,brothers & their families so this feeling never came to me but i too fear like you to be alone in life.
I pray everything settles for you and you too become a good husband and good father soon.
How is the weather in PUNE today pearl. @francesca5 (1344)
•
1 Jan 12
hello mr pearl,
the other day we were talking about reincarnation, and i mentioned the concept of how mindfulness meditation helps us to feel comfortable in our bodies, which is a very excellent indian form of therapy.
but another thing that might be helpful, which is more psychotherapy, is looking at the concept of the superego. as what happens is that as children we absorb negative messages from our parents, and so even when we are older we still effectively tell ourselves off as our parents did, so if our parents said negative things to us we carry on doing it.
you are sounding a bit down today, it might be worth seeing if these negative things you are saying to yourself about yourself have maybe come from somewhere else and are nothing to do with the real you.
1 person likes this
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
1 Jan 12
You might have to deal with or perhaps fight if you look at your sadness because sadness is not easy to have too much of. We all need to make ourselves happy for if we can not do this then how are we to make others happy?
I was asleep at the changeover this year because I chose to be and not to mention that I was extremely tired and needed the rest. Not everyone is happy and celebrating in the world, it just feels that way when you are alone. The reason many people get together I think is to feel better. I think we have to embrace our solitude and seek others when we have that need to.
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
1 Jan 12
Hello BlueDoll... Thanks a lot! Happy New Year to you... It sounds true too... Maybe, my solitude makes me feel bad... Am not sure.. I know there are other loners too. And trust me if I could do something for other guys, I'd do it.. But I am so helpless, I can't do anything for myself; what will I do for others...!!???? :-(
1 person likes this
@fransmonlot (411)
• United States
1 Jan 12
Dont be sad be happy :-D. Sometime things will be rough you will get through it. Dont
Despair your never alone. God is always near whatching you. Plus you have many friends here on my lot. Happy new year :-).
@sahyd2don (2942)
• India
1 Jan 12
Hi bro just try to keep yourself happy. i think you some times get depressed and thats the reason you get such thoughts. No body will harm you and nobody will leave you alone. just dont bring negative thoughts in your mind. I too tink like you some times when i get depressed . just think positive and you will be happy whole life. believe me. take care.
@allknowing (137746)
• India
1 Jan 12
Being a good husband or a good father is very common. Have you realised that there are stations in life which are special and you perhaps belong there. You cannot give up this easily. We all have a purpose in life and so it is for you to look around and go in search of it.
1 person likes this
@boyuancy (1708)
• India
1 Jan 12
I was watching news on the New Year and they showed people happy and celebrating all over, and it killed me. I thought to myself, why can't I be like that? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I be enjoying my life? Why can't I have the love of my life beside me to wish me New Year? Why does it have to be me? Why do I have to be the lonely one? Why did I have to be doomed?
Believe me, if I was a girl, and had tear glands, I would've cried my eyes out. But being a guy, and lacking tear glands I can't. 
So you see? You aren't the only one feeling this. Just hang in there, and life will hopefully get better.
So you see? You aren't the only one feeling this. Just hang in there, and life will hopefully get better. 1 person likes this
@tabatha7 (187)
•
4 Jan 12
I don't know if you realize this, but what you're writing is poetry. Embrace the poetry! You have much to live for: your children, your wife, yourself.
When I get depressed or angry, if I have enough energy, I usually write poetry. The words you wrote are beautiful, although sad. Harness this energy & write, paint, draw, or do something productive & meaningful. It will help you vent, get out the emotions, and sort out your feelings.
I always felt that if I can't be strong for myself, I can be strong for my family, and for my friends. I believe that you get back what you give, so if you smile at someone, hopefully they will smile back. If you help someone feel happier, hopefully they or someone else will help you feel happier. Karma can be a beautiful thing! :)
MyLot is becoming my family too; there are so many people here with interests common to mine, and who have been through similar circumstances to mine. I'm really glad that you're seeking help & I hope you get the help you need. Hope your new year is happier now! Blessings! :)
@Bamboee (645)
• United Arab Emirates
1 Jan 12
My dear friend pearl. All of us in some part of our lives feel alone, away from family, friends and the world. It feels as if there is nobody around us and we are left in this world all by ourselves. I just want you to do one thing when you feel like that, touch your heart and feel your heart beat. In that heart beat lies God.
Never think your alone because God is always with you. You might not be able to see Him, touch Him or even hear Him but you can feel Him. He is always with you, He has surrounded you with His angels. I know the feeling of loneliness and its terrible. I use to end up doing all crazy things during such frustration but someone kind told me that God is in my heart. At first I did not believe or even take it that seriously, but when I actually touched my heart, I could feel Him wrapping His arms around me. We are all here for you my dear friend, Do not give up, do Not loose faith, do not feel so low. Talking and expressing will surely open you up more and bring you into light from the darkness you have caged yourself in.
We all are a family and we'll always be here for you.
Happy New Year my Friend..
Rejoice because this new year will bring lots of happiness your way.
God bless you.
1 person likes this
