I finally started therapy today!

What is it with husbands and wives mental health? Husbands seem to think it is something we just need to handle because they think we should and it is easy. Or they think it is because we have things like PMS. But let them get mentally ill and they will move heaven and earth to get the help they need without one thought as to the financial cost. Not all men are this way, but so far, I've not met many who aren't, and at my age, I don't have too many more years to meet the ones who don't think this way. Twenty years ago, my then husband heard some program on his car radio and he identified with the mental and physical problem being discussed. This was shortly after he was hired on a new job after the age of 50 years. Needless to say, he went through depression when he was unemployed looking for what he thought was a job he would never find. When he got home from hearing the program, it was only minutes before he called and made an appointment to see a psychologist. The psychologist referred him to a neuro-psychiatrist and he was diagnosed with adult ADHD with significant moderate brain damage but extremely high functioning. He was sent back to the psychologist for therapy and given medication for his brain function and ADHD. During the therapy portion, the psychologist and my ex agreed, I needed to be brought in to "learn" how to deal with him. Funny, I'd been doing fine for over 20 years dealing with him, but now, in my husband's opinion during the sessions I attended, I was supposed to do all the changes in our relationship and that was not what the psychologist said in the sessions. The psychologist said we both needed to make some changes but the ones my ex needed to make according to the psychologist were the most significant. Almost immediately, it became apparent that my ex had no intention of changing anything about himself, but I had to change whatever my ex thought was wrong with me. After four sessions with the doctor, my ex still didn't get the part about his changes, and during the sessions would sit and look out the window with his arms folded across his chest, not hearing one word directed at him. When we left the four sessions during dinner, I said to him I didn't feel the sessions were helping, and he was eager to quit them because he wanted to use the money for other things and I wasn't changing any way that he wanted me too. Geezz, what happened to him dealing with his problem in all this? I guess he felt the diagnosis was enough with pills and he didn't need any counseling at all, but I did. Give me a break!! That ended those counseling sessions for him, but I did go back and talk to the psychologist several years later about my own problems that didn't relate to the relationship. Of course, he asked why we didn't continue the prior counseling and I told him. He just shook his head and said, he was afraid my ex was seeing things the way I said he was and he thought my ex would have quit even before he did. But he did say, guess neither of us should have expected anything other than what we received because with the length of the concentration span (very, very short)indicated in my husband's testing, counseling would probably not help him much. I laughed and told him, my ex didn't think there was anything needed fixing about himself other than pills, he only wanted me to get fixed to please him and what he thought were my problems. I stayed with the counseling for my problem but the relationship between my ex and I fell apart probably, because I didn't change to suit him but for me. I cannot speak loudly enough to you about taking care of your health, whether your husband likes it or not. Go for it! Do what you need to do! Hang in and hang on because changes are coming and you need courage to walk through the fear and do them. I'm going to be here to support you!

Congratulations on getting that big step for your self! I read that we should always invest in our selves and trying to help your self, understand your self and do things to help you improve your self is a good investment on the self. If you feel better after counselling, I guess that it means it's doing good for you. Don't give up too easily. There will be days that the therapy might ask you to deal with issues that you are scared to deal with. I hope all things go well with you.

Sounds like you have taken the first step, a big step and that is the hardest part I would think now all you have to do is think positive about yourself and work at what ever you think can help you, just remember none of us are perfect even though some seem to think they are.

Maybe he will respond more positively as he sees positive changes in your life. That is, unless he feels threatened by you being a stronger person.

Did you feel better after the counseling? I hope so! I thought that doctors were free in Canada, but maybe it depends on what you have. I think you do wonderfully weel, but then I haven´´t met you in person. Anyway, putting your thoughts in paper will be a good way to get you started on writting.

That is a good start to fight your illness your very courageous to face it with confidence stay strong and you will see improvements.

journalling sounds like a great idea. then you can keep track of how you feel and what your tirggers are. if your husband loves you then you should go. we are not on social assistance but only make about $40k a year between us so money is pretty tight. our daughter was having self esteem issues and so we sent her to counselling. fortunately, our church paid half (each session was $120!) and she went weekly for about 3 months, then every other week for a bit then once a month and now she is done. hang in there!

Masihi, don't you give up, now that we are connect on a couple other sites, I except you to contact me if you start feeling like it is worthless, because I will encourage you. Though I don't have to see my counselor on a schedule, just whenever I need to talk, at first I needed someone in my court. I had no computer and no car, I was stuckand she saw this. She talked to me and when I finally got a computer, she saw how my interacting with other, even if it is online, was beneficial to me and she was the one to mention that I didn't need to see her as often. (Of course this ticks off my husband who still needs to see his every other week) Anyway, my point is, going to a counselor, whether every week or occasionally, benefits not only you, but your family. And you can contact me anytime if you have doubts or worries about quitting...

Well, I guess whatever your doing is definitely good for you. Sometimes we really need to have such to make our life better. I am sure that if you put your heart and mind to it, you will surely succeed. Best to you and may you find comfort and joy after your sessions.

Hi, I hope you don't mind but could you tell me what is therapy?I did not understand the meaning of it.I am supposing that it is some sort of counseling.

That's great to hear! Only you can determine which are good and bad for your well-being. I hope your therapy will have a great outcome. Just keep thinking of the positive effects it will have in your life! I think that's enough motivation for you to keep going :)

I think you have taken a first step and I hope you achieve all your goals. Why not feel better about yourself, eh? You know that cycle we all go through. I think you are on your way to a better future and writing stuff down is a good idea. At the very least it will help you identify stuff. It is a record too. Not being understood is a big one. So many people feel that way and it can be frustrating. I wish you well Masihi.

Writing down your feelings do help. Finding your triggers is very important as well. Once you know the triggers you can deal with it much better. I've been logging my daily events for years and it helps. I still have anxiety but I manage it much better now. I had to make many changes in my life because of the anxiety. Cutting out negative people really helped. Doing what I want instead of doing what everyone else wanted me to do as well. Lots of little things can help. Listening to your inner self is key. You have to be aware of how you feel when you are doing certain things. I used to get panic-ed every time I had to leave the house. Especially if was with a friend I didn't particularly didn't want to be around. People that made me feel that way, I ended those relationships. Many years later I don't have the social anxiety. Inbox if you have any questions. I can't write everything here it's to personal.

That is so nice to hear! I wanted to try a therapy before but here in our country it really cost a lot of money. I have also experienced anxiety attacks and depression. Writing really helps. As far as I can remember, I have been writing my emotions down since I was a kid. It really helped calm me down. I also hope you will not drop out and that you will continue with your therapy until you know in yourself that you are fine. Good luck to you Masihi and I believe someday, your husband will understand you :)

Money isn't everything in life, you have to think of yourself, your health and you wanting to help yourself should be a priority. I mean don't take me wrong, I know that money is tight everywhere, but your mental state of mind and health should be a priority. I wish you the best of luck and I am sure that everything will turn out okay and that therapy will be very beneficial.

I'm in your court, rooting for you. It's a big step you're taking, and it takes a big person to admit their need to seek help and then do it. In your case, it's even more admirable that you are willing to go ahead even when your husband isn't being supportive. You go, girl. Remember, we're all with you in this. And I'll be praying, too.