Do you have sad memories of lost friendships?
By cotruelove
@cotruelove (1016)
Denver, Colorado
January 5, 2012 8:30pm CST
I've had several friendships over the years that I've quit or lost or separated and lost by distance. One in particular this year has come to mind.
When I met my now hubby, one of my close girl frends started going off on me all the time about her view of ex-military men and how dangerous they are. I tried to get her to tell me her experience, and it had nothing to do with anything she had experienced. It came down to a fear of men in general and because military men are frequently required to take violent measures in their job, she wouldn't have anything to do with them. Other negative things kept coming up because she was unhappy with me because I didn't end my relationship with my now husband.
Her continual attacks on my judgment and finally on my family in general, and I backed off and told her I thought she was way out of line and I'd think about talking to her another time. In other words, I'll call you, don't call me.
She left me a message through a friend several years later, that her daughter was getting married something like two years ago. The last time I talked to her daughter, she was engaged to an ex-military man.
After many discussions with my husband, the decision has been made to not go back and try to fix the relationship. I wasn't doing anything wrong and her fears were the problem. It saddens me whenever I have to give up on a friendship. But I don't want anymore sad memories or confrontations with her over her fears and judgments. I know she thinks I don't even live in the same town anymore and she doesn't know how to get me on the phone unless she contacts one of my children who also live here.
What a shame that the friendship was lost, but it just wasn't worth listing to her verbal abuse of me, my family or my now husband, who she didn't even know. We both loved gardening and pets. But my life won't end because she isn't in it. I'm left with sad memories of those last days before the friendship ended.
2 people like this
5 responses
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
6 Jan 12
Yes, I've had those too. When I moved here, 1000s of miles away from them. Just happens!
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
9 Jan 12
Recently in Novemeber I lost a close friend of mine. He had trouble with women over the past 3 years. I watched him go through it all. Take back his ex the first time she cheated on him. Take in his nephew as his own son, had 4 boys and one passes away a month after being born. Him break up several times with his wife. And finally leave her. Fight for his kids and find love again with a mother women that had two kids of her own. But when things in the recent months got harder where he has no job. Living off of his now wife and taking care of his step kids after school. I don't know what happened but he wants nothing to do with his 3 sons. He says the only kids he has are his step kids. That he was never married to his ex wife at all. None of them exist at all in his world. This upset me deeply and I can be friends with someone that thinks he can walk out of his kids life like he was never there and not want anything to do with them. They are all 3 years and young. We fought for days and I told him to leave me alone and he said I was calling him names. I told him he is childish because one acts like that over the small things and that he isn't a man for that matter since he said he would never walk out on his kids and he did. I don't know any parent that can watch there kids be born and then just act like they are not real. As a mother I couldn't accept that at all and neither should his wife. He said that I destorud there relationship which I had nothing to do with if she didn't want to be with him it was his own acts. But she never left she is stil with him.
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
9 Jan 12
Like you when things violate my core beliefs, I have to walk away. I cannot allow those types of people to invade my mind and accuse me of things I never did. That was one of the things with my ex friend that she did during the last conversation and I just cannot tolerate that type of behavior.
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
9 Jan 12
We live 3 hours a way from each we have always kind that far. I don't see how I can mess up someone else relationship from 3 hours. They seem fine now and have to share the two kids with the real father. I don't talk to him no matter how hard I want to. To me he is not a man at all. There is no real words for what or who he is now but it's someone I do not like and he broke a promise to his kids that he use to live so much and one day he'll regret it. He isn't showing his step kids a good example of wing an adult at all just showing itsbokay to talk outnon your family because you dont like nor love your ex that you have children with.
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
15 Jan 12
I agree, and you answered with exactly what I usually do. Moving on the first time you encounter an issue like this is difficult, but once you've done it, the next friend who repeats the same type of action, it becomes easier. Just part of the process of realizing who your true friends are. Thanks for your response.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Jan 12
To me it wasn't a true friendship. It sounds like she Wanted to tell you what to do and when you wouldn't do what she said , she left. Karma is a b!tch! Her daughter is marrying the Same type of man as your Hubby? Chris Rock was right! Chris said in one of his stand ups whomever the parents hate , their child will marry.Don't like Latinos? Your daughter will marry one! It is sad that she is so judgmental. There is a way to be concerned And supportive. I guess many don't know How to be both. A True friend Does!
My memories of lost friends are not sad. On Monday, his birthday, it will be a year since I connected with my guy friend from Sweden. I hope he is still with us. But when I think about him, it is the support I got and tried to give that comes to mind. Nothing sad.
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
7 Jan 12
Glad to hear it isn't sad for you. Keep him in your prayers.
There actually is a spiritual principle that says "we attract unto ourselves, those lessons we most need to learn." Perhaps, my ex friend is getting the lesson until she learns it. Thanks for your response!
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Jan 12
I hope she will have learned her lesson before the first grandchild is born! There is always hope!
@clrumfelt (5490)
• United States
7 Jan 12
Have you thought about that maybe in addition to being afraid of men she might also have been jealous of you giving your time and attention to your husband instead of to her? Possibly she may have gotten over that kind of jealousy and it would be worth mending the friendship. But make sure your husband doesn't object before you try it because her hostilities were directed toward him.
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
9 Jan 12
If that had been the only thing involved to end the friendship, I would try, but it wasn't and she knows how to find me to apologize for her actions. But she won't because she is one of those people who believes she is right and you are wrong. Her attacks widened and were encompassing my children too. In fact the last conversation was about them. No, I won't go back and try to repair it.
