How to make a quiet person talk

@Aja103654 (5646)
Philippines
January 6, 2012 8:05am CST
I have been having problems trying to make one student of mine talk to me. Though he is really smart, he's very reserved and shy. He doesn't speak to me unless I spoke to him first. He doesn't make eye contact. When I ask him questions or start a conversation with him, he nods or answer either yes or no. Then, when I crack jokes, he laughs or smiles for a span of 3 seconds, then returns to being quiet again. How would you deal with this kind of person? Any tips? Suggestions? Thank you!
9 responses
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
Well I guess you need to find his interests. And when you do and start talking about it, share your experiences then I think he will open up and be comfortable with you. Hope it will work with him.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
His interest: sports not something I'm interested in, Sigh, i have to find another interest of his then
• Jamaica
6 Jan 12
Enelym001 is right, his interests will surely win him over. You don't have to be interested in the same things to be interested in someone. If you are concerned about his well-being, then sharing in his interests should not be a problem for you; it should come natural to want to be apart of that person's life and then they will open up to you 'cause they now understand how and what you think of them.
@Devilova (5392)
• Indonesia
7 Jan 12
It will only make Him open minded to you and only you. While the problems is, He live not only with you. There so much peoples arround Him who might feel the same thing like what you have feel. As a teacher, your job was to make Him to open minded to whole peoples in the class.Even better if He could be like others.
@peavey (16936)
• United States
6 Jan 12
I used to be really shy and quiet and I can tell you that feeling forced to respond or become involved is the worst thing that can happen. Do your best to make him feel comfortable by being comfortable around him. Accept that he feels ill at ease when he's around others. You can encourage him with a smile or a brief statement that doesn't require him to speak but allows him to. Something like "You did a really good job" or a simple "thank you," with a smile and then go on easily to something else so he doesn't feel put on the spot. He will eventually begin to feel more comfortable and will surprise you with a voluntary response one day. Don't make a big deal of it, but acknowledge it and go on.
1 person likes this
@peavey (16936)
• United States
6 Jan 12
No... don't try to make him laugh or do anything like talking to yourself. I don't see how that would make him more comfortable. If anything it would make him less inclined to respond.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
6 Jan 12
Thank you, peavey! Well, I was a shy person too until I realized I don't get anything for being shy LOL! I see. Hmm... I do try to make him comfortable. I try to make him laugh and talk by myself hoping he is listening. Would it make someone comfortable if a person entertains them by talking about themselves or something?
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
7 Jan 12
Hmm, okay. Then I should change tactics.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
6 Jan 12
I was very shy and quiet when I was younger and the things that I am going to write are based on my experiences from that time. Don't try to pressure him into talking, because that will only make it harder for him. I don't think that you should ask him to talk and participate more actively, he is not able to do that yet and you have to accept that. Instead I would suggest that you try to create a situation where he feels safe - a sitation where there is positive atmosphere and where it is safe to make mistakes. Accept that he is were he is right now and let him talk when HE is ready to talk.
@peavey (16936)
• United States
6 Jan 12
Exactly. That's what I was trying to say.
1 person likes this
@Devilova (5392)
• Indonesia
7 Jan 12
He too scared to start, so let Him to finish.Ask all peoples arround Him to started and let Him to continues or even to finish it. The more He succeed, the more He get confidences.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
7 Jan 12
Well. I don't want to force him. However, as an English language teacher, he is required to be active in speaking the language he is learning. I want him to improve his speaking skills, because that is the skill he really needs to work on. Okay. I will take things slowly.
@Devilova (5392)
• Indonesia
7 Jan 12
Like me, I believe He only shame, nervous or scare if have to make direct contacts, speak face to face and or speech or do something in front of many peoples. It happens because He didn't have a confidence, too scared if He get fail.Cause He think that He was the "underground". The best ways to solve it was, ask other students to make a contacts with Him.Give Him more chance to prove that He could. Like give Him a task to answer the questions, speech in front of the class. That can boost His confidences.
• Indonesia
1 Feb 12
hi Devi, yup agree. I think some of workgroup activity can do good for this kind of people. well, the think is, sometimes he doesnt think that this is a problem for him. maybe he knew but he ignored. but yeah, I think he maybe afraid too. well I think someone should convince him nothing to be worried. well, family plays a great role on this situation. some home visit may do good.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
6 Feb 12
He has group classes. Our class is one on one, so we are naturally stuck with each other whether we like it or not. He told me he is not shy. hmm, he said he just can't think of any topic that we can talk about. He gets along well with his friends. So when we talk, most of the topics were provided by me, but his replies are too short, so i have to come up with different questions in order for him to answer fully. I did open indeed questions, but sometimes he can't reply. It's a little hard for him to speak in English.
• United States
6 Jan 12
I was that kid in school to be frank i need someone to talk to that i could trust some one who new what the world was about. i had a lot of home problems. He needs some one who understands him. who well not do anything but talk and help him decide what is best. to guide him to let him know he is not alone that is what most kids and teens need. they are to scared to say it and to proud to admit they are scared most are brain washed by mida thinking that it's bad to cry and wrong to be scared but they need to know it's ok to feel this way. They need some one to trust it well take a wile to gain that trust and if you do you need to be careful what you do with it you can make or brake some one with this.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
7 Jan 12
hmm... well i doubt that he is disturbed in any way. It's just his nature to be quiet, and he is more quiet now since he is having a hard time expressing himself using a language he is learning from me.
• United States
7 Jan 12
Having been through an introverted period myself. The best way is really to talk and hang out as much as you can to your student. Eventually your student will become close to you. Once the barrier is broken you two will become great friends.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
6 Feb 12
Well, he was only here for one month. He is a foreign student who spent his winter vacation to study English in my country.
• Philippines
11 Jan 12
How I wish that all Teachers are just like you! You can't force your student to talk with you. Establish a trusting relationship with your student first. Show to him that you are trustworthy and you are interested to him.
@kyrararen (601)
• Indonesia
1 Feb 12
I think it's already good enough for you to make such student laugh or smile even for that short time period. hahaha. if you want more, my friend, it needs more effort, and as a teacher sometimes it is harder to reach such closeness. oh? have I said closeness before that? =.= I am terrible for making such arranged paragraph. I have one friend who really falls for this category. he is really smart and he sooo quiet until his friend in high school thought he was dumb oh, he is a good observer though. he literally didnt say a word, instead making sounds and producing voice and words with his lips, he wrote it down. LOL I think it is about psychological matter. I asked him once why he did that, he said, he was too comfy in his quiet zone and once he said, he didnt talk much (which I think he should say "at all") because he was afraid of making mistake so he prefer not to say anything and keeping all for himself. fortunately he never got bullied by other students in his school. then why he talks to me? LOL I dont know, I am talkative person, I like talking and he listens me happily. when I talk to him, I am the one who do the talking first, and when I see even a slight clue (usually his body language) for his response, I would just pause myself and wait for his response as long as he needs to take. after that I would just turn the convo around and start asking him w-h questions lol. it works for me, but I dont know whter it would work for you. well, I wish you luck though. :)
@rbjat4589 (104)
• Philippines
7 Jan 12
If you really want to make him talk get to know him. His likes and dislikes. Start a conversation and ask him totally about himself. :D