I want you to want me but not need me !!!!!!!
By ronnyb
@ronnyb (6113)
Jamaica
January 6, 2012 1:30pm CST
These were the words uttered from the mouth of a friend of mine stemming from our usual analysis of relationship .Now call me naive or what you will but this came as a shock to me and left me doubting the usual sharp intellect of my friend .
Needless to say a debate ensued as I sought to get clarity on what I thought was the defacto philosophy that the best relationships were those in which the two persons deeply needed each other. Her explanation of her claim was that when someone needs something they tend to get possessive because they view it as something they cant live without .And when you are confronted with something you cant live without you will do anything to keep it not because you really appreciate it for its merits but for your survival .As a consequence she says this usually leads to abuse in instances where you are about to lose the essential resource. She contrasted this with what obtains with something /someone you want .She claims all the efforts seen in the treatment of something/ someone you want are genuine and you are not motivated by no selfish desires as your own survival.
Did you ever look at like this ?
3 people like this
7 responses
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
8 Jan 12
Never! By Just wanting something or someone Can be selfish too. I rather be needed than just wanted.A person wants can change like the weather but once I'm needed , They will need me for a long time. I guess your friend Doesn't Want the close connection that comes with being needed.She is right once you are needed the person will be more connected to you and you to them if you need them back. For some reason she doesn't want that and I respect her for speaking up! Many would just play along and hurt a partner.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
8 Jan 12
I hope she can find someone like my guy. He fell for me Way earlier than I fell for him. He did not hover or pressure me and in time I felt comfortable enough to let him in And Need and want him just as much as he needed and wanted me. To be needed is the best feeling.
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
19 Jan 12
It has taken me some time to answer this discussion because I realize that the big thing your friend was disturbed about is called obsession and possession not need. Healthy needs and wants are part of a normal relationship in my mind. But as I have said in several other discussions, something happens once marriage is acquired no matter how long you are dating or in a relationship with someone. It has been my experience one or the other person tends to get somewhat possessive. However, how the other deals with it at the time, can stop it from progressing. My first marriage, my husband found it wasn't a good idea to get possessive of me and then you do whatever you pleased. The shoe on the other foot worked to stop his possessive behavior. My current husband tried to change the rules shortly after marriage and like the first found out that wasn't going to work with me. Want is the primary basis of a relationship in my mind, if I don't want the person, and only needed them, I can always find another to fulfill the need. I just might not ever find someone I want. But as of today, I have both in my husband. Thanks for the discussion!
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
6 Jan 12
It is nice to be needed I guess but I think everyone really wants to be wanted, there is a big difference, I have been in this situation where someone I cared about needed me , I would have much prefered to just be wanted.
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
1 Feb 12
I have always looked at love like that. I believe someone should be with a person because they WANT that person rather than because they feel like they NEED that person. This just makes much more sense to me. I don't want a person to be with me because they have come to rely on me and take me for granted. This is what usually occurs when a person NEEDS another.
@bestboy19 (5478)
• United States
7 Jan 12
Was she talking about air and water? I know those are two things we can't live without. As far as relationships go, one built on love should be stronger than one built on need. How long did she live her life without that person she says she needs? She managed that long without him. What makes her think she can't continue without him?
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
11 Jan 12
Well, I tend to think that needing each other in a relationship is something that is quite important, just as important, as wanting the other person that you are in a relationship with.
I know for me, I want my husband to be there in my life because of the fact that he is able to give me companionship and he also works hard to support our family. However, those are also the same reasons that I need to have a relationship with him.
