I'm confused

Romania
January 7, 2012 4:07pm CST
there is this guy that I like for quite some time now but we still didn't get to anything concrete. so here is the problem : the first one and the most important is that he has a girlfriend. I wouldn't get between them for nothing in this world even if I like him as much as I do. I wouldn't like to be in her position. He says that he doesn't love her and that he would like us to start a relationship but at the same time he doesn't make any move. he keeps asking me if I feel something for him. to tell you the truth I'm confused...I mean I don't know what he really wants from me. if he wanted us to be together he would have felt her. I would never ask him to do that. but he's acting really weird : on new year's eve he gave me a message telling me that he loves me and now he is with his girlfriend celebrating he birthday. what do you think I should do?0
8 responses
trinkabelle
@trinkabelle (432)
•
8 Jan 12
he doesn't love her? so this means he should leave, but it seems he doesn't want to, maybe he just wants his cake my dear, once he's made the move to leave her, then go in and tell him how you feel, but whilst he's not making the move, then there's no point in persuing, harsh but true, he's not going to leave her, i know for real that if i didn't love a partner, i wouldn't be there
alina
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
8 Jan 12
I'm not trying to convince him to leave her. I would never do that. and I told him that as long as he is with her than we are just friends...nothing more.I don't like to play the part of the second woman in his life and as I told him : I don't like to share ....
alina
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
9 Jan 12
I can;t do that because first of all i consider him a friend. he was there and he listened to me and I did the same with him. I think that this is the main reason that made me care for him in the first place. I don't want to get between them. I told him that I won't try to determine him to leave her or stuff like that. he can do that if he wants to. but I don't want him to do it because I said so. but in the meantime I asked him to stop telling me that he loves me or stuff like that until he decides if it's me or her he wants to be with. if he continues with those things I know I'll end up day dreaming about us being together and this would make me suffer. so for now I'll try to stay out of it and only be his friend
trinkabelle
@trinkabelle (432)
•
8 Jan 12
no i can see this is his part and not yours, but he wants you, then he wants her then he doesn't want her, he has to make up his mind, but don't let him confuse your feelings or mess with your head, he either wants out or he doesn't, you are being sensible by not falling for his flim flam, if he loves her he will stay with her and it seems he's already made his mind up, but it also seems that he wants his "little bit on the side" say no and walk away
parascevi
@parascevi (313)
• Greece
8 Jan 12
Hi I saw similar situations in my life personal and of my friends experiences. I think that you should not have any relationship with the guy because if he really does not want to be with her then he would already leave her. He is not an honest person and what he is doing right now he can do the same to you maybe months later or days.That means that you might get heart from this person so my opinion is to be very carefull. Good luck with your decision whatever this would be.
alina
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
8 Jan 12
he says that in a certain way she got used to her. one day he tells me that he wants us to be together and the next he is with her. he said that he's sad that he needs to act like he loves her but at the same time he feels comfortable with her.in this terms...I don't know what he wants from me....
parascevi
@parascevi (313)
• Greece
9 Jan 12
You know what i think? I think that he is undecided and i believe that he says the truth about getting used to her and feeling comfortable with her.Maybe that is the reason that he can broke up with this relationship.He feels good with a person that already knows well and expressed more freely. Maybe he is afraid of leaving her due to the fact that she knows him very well so does he. I know these kind of relarionships when the couples are together for only that reason: Security and daily things that they do together without love in reality each other. The only things that bond them are the security they feel and the things that they have used to do everyday together. I think that he is confused and undecided. My advice is to let him some space and maybe go out of his life for some time and see how he will react. Maybe then he will find out that you are not his toy and you demand your position and respect in this relationship.He must decide YOU OR HER. It may sounds harsh but these are my thoughts for your best and not to be heart from this guy. He should immediatelly clears his position and not thinking only himself.With his actions he might heart not only you but the other girl too.
alina
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
9 Jan 12
I think the same about it and thanks for the advice. I want him to decide. I told him than in the meanwhile we could be friends and that I'll be there whenever he needed me. It's sad for the girl : she has him but at the same time she doesn't.
francesca5
@francesca5 (1344)
•
8 Jan 12
the only possible reason i can think of why he is holding on to the old girlfriend while trying to persuade you to become the new one, is that he is too insecure to manage without a girlfriend, and so does not want to end the old before he is certain of the new. but that is not really a good reason for doing so. as it does suggest he sees his current, or any girlfriend, more as a object, that gives him status, rather than a person in their own right. my advice would be to stop playing his game, and tell him that you are not interested in a relationship until he has ended the relationship, and done so for a reasonable amount of time, so he isn't just moving from one relationship to the next, and until then you aren't interested. it seems a bit like a game to me, where the girlfriend is an object to be owned. just refuse to play his game, and set your own rules and keep to them.
alina
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
8 Jan 12
francesca I already told him that. and as you said i feel the same that he is a little bit insecure about ending his current relationship. she really loves him and she has been there for him whenever he needed her aldo he doesn't love her...so I think it's a little bit selfish from him: he doesn't let her be happy with someone that would appreciate her as she deserves
enelym001
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
8 Jan 12
That's kinda complicated. It's like he wanted to make sure first whether you and him will be together before breaking up with his GF. A bit unfair. He should left his girl first before starting off a relationship with you. Why would he still stick to his GF and at the same time telling what he feels for you. If I were you, I would ask him every question you have in mind.
tamirs
@tamirs (1807)
• Philippines
8 Jan 12
What kind of man he is? I will be honest with you.If he loves you he must break up with his girlfriend first in order to gain you.If you believe that he loves you and he is in relationship with his girlfriend then he doesn't love you. That will be just, he loves you and he is just playing with his girlfriend or he loves his girlfriend and he only wants to play with you. Now,fool yourself.Make yourself believe that he loves you even if he is still with his girlfriend. If i am in your shoes,i will not let him into my life even if he broke up with his girl,he might do the same with you when he sees another girl of his type.
alina
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
8 Jan 12
tamirs I know that he doesn't love me. I'm not making myself illusions over that: he simply enjoys spending time with me and maybe he takes me as a challenge because I'm between the few girls that didn't give up in front of him. He is that short of guy who could have any girl he feels like and he is probably mad with the fact that I refused him and told him that as long as he is with her than I don't want to do anything with him
iamroms
@iamroms (78)
• Philippines
8 Jan 12
ignore his actions. You are right, if he really loves you then he will make a move to be with you at the right way. If he just want to have a secret relationship with you then that will do no good to his current girlfriend and to you as well. If that's the situation, you'll ruin someone's love story and you'll be entering in a very wrong situation.
alina
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
8 Jan 12
I would never accept that. because putting myself in her position I wouldn't like it either. so I couldn't do it. she really doesn't deserve that because she loves him. it's a pitty that he doesn't love her back as she deserves and he doesn;t appreciate her enough
Mikaela_taz25
@Mikaela_taz25 (1842)
• Philippines
8 Jan 12
How do you feel for him? But as i read about the story, i don't think he is not the good person as he wants to portray with you, would you like someone if ever you two become couple then if he might tell another girl/s that he love him also? In that situation you and his girlfriend are the one who lost in this situation. If he really love you he would finish his relationship first to his girlfriend before entering into another relationship, but the way the guy is doing he is like the win-win situation, if he cannot be with you he can still be with his girlfriend but if you say yes with then maybe that was the time he separate with his present relationship. He doesn't want to loose in anyone of you. That's what i think. So you better think hardly about it.
vexxus
@vexxus (712)
• Philippines
8 Jan 12
If I would be in your situation, I will never let my lover to play with my heart, Its clear that there is no seriousness in his action, if he really loves you his sincere proposal would be your Christmas present from him and probably your sweet yes is your gift to him last new year's eve. I guess your guy didn't think the two occasion a a symbol for your relationship does he?