He or She is the one
By donsky14
@donsky14 (5947)
Philippines
January 9, 2012 10:43am CST
To the married...those who will be married and pretty much anyone who can give out an advice.
How did you know that the person you married right now is the right one?
I'm living in with my partner for a year now, but we've been together for 6 years. Were planning to get married this year. We already have a 1 year old kid as well.
Lately we've been having fights, like small things can tick us off. Sometimes I think that we can't understand each other anymore. Like we've grown apart.
So yeah, how did you know that he or she is the one?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
10 Jan 12
Well I have heard that most couples that break up can't get past the five year mark which is good you are already there. I have been married since April, with my husband for five years and I've know him since 2004 so about 8 years as we went to high school together and we have two children, one is mine from a previous relationship.
It could be that you two are under a lot of stress. I would suggest talking about it before you actually tie the knot. Its best to get this out of the way. Little fights aren't too bad. My husband and I have them from time to time but overall we do pretty well. Its just times are stressful and it doesn't change our love or compatibility. Just makes us tired and such.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
10 Jan 12
As an added response to whether or not you know, trust me you will. Close your eyes and imagine life without them. If you can easily imagine life being simpler or whatever without them, then you may need to re-ask if they are the one for you. I couldn't imagine life without my husband then and I can't imagine it now. That is how I knew.
@corrinacay (14)
• United States
9 Feb 12
I don't know if you ever really know if someone is the "one" and sometimes the "one" can last like mine did for 7 years but he wasn't the "one"! I have been single for 10 freakin years pretty much and I lived on my own with out a mans help in the same house for 9 years alone with my kids off and on and mostly with me.
But I was laid off last year and in a car crash and never been in one till then and then my sister got in one driving my car and then I bought a lemon and now I have no car. I go to college and sometimes it is so hard with no man in my life to help me and or take care of me but anytime I am around men anymore they just bother me or bore me lol I just may never find that perfect man but maybe it is just on how we view relationships and relate to men ect. and I just happen to enjoy being alone more most of the time and yeah I have dated and some great guy friends in my life but I have never married and just had kids and now the oldest 3 are adults and the youngest I get on weekends is 11. But yes, kids always been my main focus as well as insperation and on and on..
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
16 Jan 12
Most people would say it's like this and like that, blah, blah, blah. But i think there is no gauge and really there's no certain rules that could make us tell if he's the one or not. Sometimes we even think that because we are so compatible and we talk nonstop for hours that he's the one but after 8 years of being together you realize wtf i've made a big mistake.
Some would follow their instincts, some would follow the guidelines they've set up for themselves, some are just being practical, some are simply blind. But for me it's like fate. If you end up with that person, no matter how hard the obstacle maybe, without an effort at all or forcing it, you'll still end up with married to that person. So really it's all up to you. But there's one thing i'd like you to think about: if there's a doubt on your mind whether to pursue it or not, don't do it. A person meant for you will come into your life so clearly without any doubt in you. Good luck!
@muliercingarus (60)
•
10 Jan 12
Hi there,
If in doubt......
What about spending some time apart to see if you miss each other?
MC
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
10 Jan 12
Hi Donsky,
There is no way to know for sure ahead of time. When you are in love, it ALWAYS feels like you are with the right one. I guess that's how it should be. I'm divorced now but when I got married, it all felt so right and it was for many years. We grow, we change and sometimes we grow apart.
The fact that you two are fighting a lot doesn't really mean that you aren't right for each other. Every couple goes through some rough patches. It really depends on how much BOTH of you are willing to communicate and work towards resolving whatever issues are causing you to fight. I think it is the willingness of both to make the relationship itself more important than anything your fighting about. Once one person starts to look at giving up then it's pretty much over.
@obe212003 (2299)
• Philippines
10 Jan 12
when my wife and i took our bows in holy matrimony as witnessed by GOd and the state, that is the time i realized that she is the only ONE for me and i am the ONE for her. we have been through a lot, through thick and thin, we stuck together being able to compromised on our differences. respect and probably keeping an open mind and forgetting about the 'ego' thing have kept us growing together. when anger sets in, we just dose it off, let it flow, and at the end of the day, we just patch things up.
@iamroms (78)
• Philippines
10 Jan 12
There's no such thing for me as THE ONE since I don't believe that we are destined for someone. It will still be up to us if we will make him THE ONE for us. I mean, people has a lot of differences and fight and misunderstandings will take place but it will be up to us if we will understand our gaps and instead of making this as a negative one, we will work hard for us to grow more matured with these differences
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
9 Jan 12
I'm not sure about knowing that one is "right" for you. I have heard that the 7th year is one of trial with most every partner. I think they call it the "7 year itch." I don't know if there is any truth to the number but even though you aren't married...you have been together 7 years.
I have read that over time couples started to stop doing things like holding hands which releases certain endorphins in the brain that signal the feeling of love. They also tend to do less things together which has pretty much the same effect. Maybe you could try doing a little more of these things at a time and see if there is a difference. I am putting a link on here that can get you started if you want to research the seven year thing. There are some interesting findings about it.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/04/090429172241.htm
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1018074/Can-survive-seven-year-itch-Four-women-affected-marriages.html
Not referral links.
@fannitia (2167)
• Bulgaria
9 Jan 12
Hi, Donsky, are you kidding? You've been living 6 years with this woman and you still wonder if she's the right person for you? How do you figure the life with the same person day after day, year after year? Is it possible to be in perfect consent all the time? And why do you think that you "can't understand each other any more"? Because "small things can tick you off"?
For me the marriage is a formality. So if you are not so sure, you may cancel it and wait another six years. Until then your kid could have a brother or sister :D
I wish you and your family (because it is a family) a long happy life!
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
10 Jan 12
No one can be sure if their bf/partner is 'the one'. Marriage is always a gamble. It is up to both the couple how to make their relationship last. I remember a friend told me she don't like the suitors that I have and my BF for me. She wants the best for me and telling me that those guys may not be the one. So when I asked her about her partner, she could not even answer me if she is sure about his 'husband' they have a kid but they're still not married. Turns out she is not happy with him. I think she is a bit concern that I would also end up marrying someone whom I will later realized is not the one for me.
@ladysilver (370)
•
9 Jan 12
I always thought that fighting is a sign of incompatibility.But it's not.This way you learn more about your partner and his/her weaknesses and those of your own.But, with time, you have to grow and understand each other better and have less fights.How do you know if someone is the one?You can't bare the thought of losing that person.No matter how angry and sad you get sometimes, you don't want that person to leave you forever.Not because of a Stockholm syndrome or something, but because you love him/her.I hope that you'll overcome your difficulties.
