My daughter took him back....

He threatened her friends?! It would be nice if a couple of them, even one, filed charges so you'd have some sort of record of harassment in case you need to sic the cops on him. He sounds like serious bad news and I do hope your daughter is telling the truth about breaking up with him. Maybe it's time to take a family vacation or at least a trip out of town for a weekend?

Hi Uath, I have four daughters so I do understand your concern and frustration regarding this. My experience of being a daughter myself and having my parents tell me that I could not see a certain guy as well as my experience as a parent whose daughters are now grown have proven to me that forbidding her to see him will not have the results that you want. When my parents kept me from seeing the guy I wanted to see when I was 17, I was heartbroken. He was all I thought about and longed for. If there was any way possible to sneak and meet him for even a short time, I took it and trust me, we met in places that you don't want your daughter meeting this guy in. Finally, after a time, my father could see that his plan was working and he gave me permission. He did not harshly put this guy down but he did point out little things that he saw as red flags. He kept assuring me that the choice was mine and that he just wanted me to be happy. The message I got from him was that he supported me 100% and any choice that I made even if he didn't agree with it and he was very honest about why he felt as he did about the guy without being hateful. He was always very respectful and friendly to him. In time, I saw him for the loser that he was and broke it off. I've treated my daughters boyfriends pretty much in the same manner. How old is your daughter? I have one daughter who is 25 and with a guy that I really don't like at all. It's hard isn't it? I feel your pain.

Hi Uath, Your daughter believes she really can change him (yeah yeah - hindsight and all that). I also suspect she thinks that although he threatened her friends (and yes, they should put that on the records/file charges or whatever), he'd never hurt her. Oh how wrong she is! & Oh how my heart goes out to you. Men like this say and do all the right things to get the girl they want. I would guess that your daughter is very pretty, fashionably dressed, and that lots of guys like her. To a guy like her boyfriend, she represents 'prestige'. Sounds awful I know, but she is the one everyone wants, and therefore an 'ornament' on his arm. Once he has her well and truly hooked (and these guys know exactly what to say and do) then he'll show his real self to her. There is of course and element of your daughter wanting to be so 'needed' and 'wanted' by him too. These sort of guys make a girl feel special just by being in-need - if you see what I mean? At the same time, guys like this want to keep hold of the girl by any means possible. I expect your poor daughter has had the pleading, the tears, the begging, and the promises. Hold her close to you in every way possible, and hang onto her with love and respect. Hopefully she'll see him for what he really is. Keep trying Uath. MC

He sounds like a real piece of work and hopefully she decides to break things off for good. But, grounding her and pretty much banning her from him is only going to make her want him even more..because she knows it's something you'll hate. I know that when my mom tells me something I don't like, I do the exact opposite just to get her angry. Sometimes I even do it without realizing. I don't know your daughter like you do, but I'm just giving you a heads up of what putting restrictions on her might do. Probably the best thing to do is let her do what she feels is best. Have it be her decision and just try to be supportive. If it's her own decision, she won't stay with him out of spite just because she's restricted from him.

I remember when I was younger if my parents forbid me from seeing someone, it generally pushed me to them. I never had any boyfriends my parents did not like but I did have friends they could not stand. They allowed me to be friends with them and then once realizing what they were like tried to prevent me from seeing them. It did not work. You cannot watch a person 24/7 so it gave me oppertunity to be with my friends and I was smart enough to know what to take part in and what not to when with them. I imagine it is a difficult situation and I agree that in some instances there must be intervention, but how would you insure that they are not seeing each other?

You will have to allow her to make her own mistakes. That's the only plausible way that she would learn the hard truth. If you, on the other hand, try to impose your decisions from the top, she would revolt sooner rather than later.

I know your instinct is to intervene in this, especially since you have tried sitting back and just letting her see this guy for who he truly is; but I'm not sure that interfering would be the best response to her taking him back. Yes its very frustrating, but by stopping the relationship yourself you've effectively made this guy forbidden fruit, which she may secretly go after somehow to defy you. Now, I don't want to say just sit back and allow this to happen. And I'll be the first one to tell you my oldest is 10 and I've yet to deal with teenagers of my own. But I still don't think you telling her not to see him is the way to go.

Just reading the title, it seemed like a situation I was in a little while ago. After my marriage, my husband kind of changed. Situation got worse, he isolated me and I could not talk to friends or family. Things got really got bad, when my dad found out about it he told me he will support me even if I choose to break off the marriage, he is with me. Then when I finally could not take it, I went to live with my parents and said to my husband that i can no longer be with him.. and that before marriage he was not like this and now all he wants me to be is in four walls!! .. my dad was relieved because he knew that I was not happy, but I love my husband so much.. the thought of not being with him killed me, the thought of breaking my marriage just crushed me.. so I went back to him!! And what you have written is exactly how my dad felt, disappointed.. I know times are still difficult for me, but I told my dad that unless and until I dont stand up for myself on my own, I will never learn. So I will handle things myself and when I am strong enough to let him go, I will.. but I cant its better I stay with him because anyways I will be crushed if I leave him, i'll end up ruining my life!! By God's grace things are very much better right now, and my dad is still supporting me and standing by my side.. Even though I disappointed him, even though I know he wanted best for me.. but after all I did he still loves me and I love him very much.. Your a very nice dad, the patience your showing is very admirable! I am sure she will come around.. :) just hold on to her!