MIL always wants to tag along
By angelic123
@angelic123 (1108)
United States
January 11, 2012 12:48pm CST
My mother in law always wants to go with us, whenever my husband and I will go out especially if we are going out of town or some place that she(MIL) have not visited yet. Like last time we went to Tahoe with my husband' s high school friend... She wanted to tag along too! It is so hard to bring her because she hates cold weather,she walks slowly and we are staying there for 5 days. So we did not bring her along making her ad at us. Then we came home after the tahoe trip and my husband and I were bombed with accusations that we are selfish,that my husband do not look after his mother who is depressed because she has benign tumor in her ovary... That she was old and sooner or later she will pass away... And she said that all my husband's priority is me. That she hopes that I am faithful to my husband because my husband is disrespecting them because of me... That he values me more than them. What a new year!
Anyway,our wedding anniversary is near and we planned to go to Vegas but again,she wants to tag along! She said that she and my FIL will come with us and sleep in different room and and they will meet their friend there... Honestly, I don't want them to go with us. It is our anniversary not theirs... Am I selfish? Am I a bad DIL to feel that way? Maybe I just got used to my own mom who respects my married life,that I have my own moment with my husband and I have moment with her... And we have moment together...
4 responses
@muliercingarus (60)
•
11 Jan 12
Hi Angelic,
I find your MIL's behaviour all very strange. However, the bottom line is that she's using emotional blackmail to get you to take her places.
As for the 'she hopes you are faithful' remark - well that's just abusive isn't it? She obviously didn't get her own way over something - so she reverted to vile rudeness! Besides you ARE his priority
There are a couple of really odd things regarding her wanting to go to Vegas with you.
Firstly - if she and your FIL are planning to meet a friend there - they why haven't they made independent plans to go alone before now? The next thing is you say she and your FIL will be sleeping in a different room to you - does she normally share a room with you when she goes with you?
I think you and your husband are going to have to be firm. Tell them both very clearly that as it's your anniversary you want to spend it together - alone - for the whole
time.
You could suggest they go on their anniversary couldn't you?
Stand your ground - be firm but polite, and if she becomes abusive, don't answer her back or anything - WALK QUIETLY AWAY!
Good luck,
MC
Her being old and slow shouldn't come into it though - it'll happen to us all one day.
@angelic123 (1108)
• United States
11 Jan 12
thanks for unbiased response :), she always said that she will pay a separate room just to go with us. When we go to her other son's house we sleep in the same room though... They said that they are old (60+ yrs. old) they don't know how to travel without us.
And the remark? it always remains in my heart and mind,I really got hurt when she said that several times to my husband loudly. How hurtful it is to doubt my love for their son :(.
Well,I forgive her but the pain is still here.
@muliercingarus (60)
•
11 Jan 12
Well, Angelic!
There was I imaginging them as in their late 70s or early 80s!
I was 64 six days ago - my husband is two years older. We wouldn't dream of foisting ourselves on our children! I drive all over the place by myself, my husband drives too. I do so much stuff on my own and with him. We also go on holiday - and although it'd be fantastic to have a huge family holiday together - I know the kids wouldn't want it. They want their own family time! And so they should!
Goodness me - haven't they got lives of their own?
My youngest got married four days ago - my heart broke at losing her - but there's no way I would hold her to me with emotional blackmail. Yeah one day she'll probably leave the country and go and live where he comes from. And yeah - again my heart will break - but no way would I tell her. Another daughter lives 280 miles away - it breaks my heart - but it's her life - not mine.
My boys live within 50 mile radius - so we see them every few weeks or so - as they have their lives.
I don't feel like a martyr. I don't feel neglected, I don't feel compelled to be always ringing them.
I LOVE seeing them - but we all have our lives.
That said - all your MIL's remarks about whether you're going to be faithful or not is - as I've said - abuse. Maybe you should ask her if she says that because she wasn't faithful to your MIL!
You say they live with you - do you own the house - or is it theirs?
Yeah - we'll all get old and slow - notice that I haven't said I have come to that yet - lol?
Regards,
MC
@muliercingarus (60)
•
11 Jan 12
I mean maybe she says that because she was unfaithful to your FIL ...lol
@DayTimeDreamer (36)
• United States
12 Jan 12
Old people want to have fun too. I'd say make the best out of it and enjoy your vacation together with the whole family. Afterall, they won't always be around and you should grasp every chance to spend time with the elderly.
@cearn25 (3456)
• Philippines
11 Jan 12
That is not right already. Your mother in law shouldn't acted that way if she understands you and your husband. Also, you are not selfish. I just hoped you are okay now with your mother in law. It is hard to have bad relationship with our in laws. Just down your pride and say sorry. Anyways she is old enough. You just be the one to understand her.
@angelic123 (1108)
• United States
11 Jan 12
we are okay now,but I sometime I get frustrated,for instance this coming wedding anniversary of us... I want to celebrate it with my husband but I don't feel like celebrating because they will go with us... how selfish of me :(
