Step-son and money
By meholl
@meholl (510)
United States
January 12, 2012 6:00pm CST
My step-son (almost 19), who lives with his mother, in a different town, wants to come and see his girlfriend. That is fine with me, and him staying the night is fine as well.
Here is the real problem. Step-son works full time ($10/hr), has insurance for his vehicle that he own outright as bills. Payday was last Friday 1/6/2012. He wants to come up tonight, but doesn't have enough money or gas to get home (75 miles each way). Husband calls and lets me know that step-son is coming, but can we borrow him $20-$40 for gas....
Am I being irrational for thinking that it isn't right to give someone money when they have a job and minimal bills? We are a family of 6 and have a lot of bills to pay.
Oh, and this isn't "I will pay you back" kind of thing. This is give money and never see it again.
Very frustrated
2 people like this
4 responses
@surfer222 (1714)
• Indonesia
13 Jan 12
is this the first time he want to borrow money from you and can you afford to help him this one time? If it is and you can afford to lend him, then i think you should lend him the money but with a warning... before you lend him the money you can say that this is the only time(or this is the last time) you lend him the money because you have to support your family too and this money mean so much to you, so in the future don't expect to get a loan from you again, and then express your feeling about how he cannot manage his income so he got something to think about. If you cannot afford to lend him the money then don't lend him the money. Explain to him that you have to support your family and cannot afford to lend him the money.
1 person likes this
@surfer222 (1714)
• Indonesia
13 Jan 12
If he cannot understand that you need the money to support your own family then you shouldn't need to understand him too...
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
13 Jan 12
Ummmm, sorry, I don't think you should be paying his gas to see his "girlfriend."
Let his girlfriend pay it, especially when you have a family of 6 to worry about, and that has GOT to be expensive. It's ok sometimes to slip them $10 bucks or so, but with gas being so high in price, and you're suppose to give him 20-40 bucks? Oh no, I wouldn't appreciate that at all.
I would be frustrated too. Why can't his mother pay something and pitch in for this AND his girlfriend? At least it all wouldn't be on your family's shoulders.
1 person likes this
@meholl (510)
• United States
13 Jan 12
His mom can't afford to help him, or so she says.
I just don't get how you can have a full time job and an $85 insurance bill as your only bill, and be broke less than a week after payday.
Or is he just asking for money because he knows his dad will say yes, saving himself some money.
I don't know, but this is a pattern of constant asking for money and dad always gives in. Then I am always the bad guy because I say no.
1 person likes this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
13 Jan 12
I guess I would feel differently if this was not just for him to see his girlfriend. I understand if you need some extra cash for more important things, but just to see his girlfriend isn't a good enough excuse for me, especially when more than likely they'll be broke up soon enough...he's only 19. I don't know what else to tell you except to keep the peace and go along with it. No sense starting an argument over it because he will take his son't side.
I've given my kids money of course over the years, but it wasn't just to see someone...it was for more important matters. Of course you're the bad guy...that's why I say just keep the peace and hope for the best. Sorry I can't be of much more help, but I do agree with you on this one.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
13 Jan 12
I think your stepson should just stay home if he can't have money to pay his own gas. It is not your obligation to give him money just to see his girlfriend. He has work so he has to know how to spend his money well so that he will not end up broke and borrowing money from you when he wants to go out. However the problem is your husband seems to tolerate him in a way. At any rate your husband is asking you if you could lend some money to him, then I think you can decline in a nice way. Just tell him you need the money more than his son and he should understand this.
