Lose weight and i'll marry you!

Hello, samd87! I agree with you on one thing : if the guy loved her like this from the beginning, it shouldn't matter or be an issue now. On the other hand, maybe he knows how much she herself wants to loose weight and it's his way of helping by giving this small....incentive. Ever thought of that? :) Maybe it wasn't like : loose weight or i dump you/not marry you , but look, we'll get married when you loose some weight as in : the wedding is a moment of a lifetime and you should feel good in your own skin for that moment. And if that is not a good enough reason for her to start doing something about her problem, i don't know what could be! What i'm trying to say is that some people help us not by direct actions, but by feeding us not what we want to hear but what needs to be said in order to motivate us into doing the right thing. Maybe it was your girlfriend who first complained to her about her condition and he doesn't know how else to help but trying to ambition her. Because in these kind of problem, without personal resolve, you get nowhere! It's not enough to have someone next to you to nag you about how much or what you eat, or about doing your exercises. You have to want it yourself and put your best into it. I'm not saying this is the case with your friend, I'm just saying it's a hypothesis and they should talk about this openly. On the other hand, if what's making her try her best to loose weight is the thought of loosing him...well then maybe it's what she needs to succeed. May be a cruel way of looking at things but in the end health is important and overweight is an issue not necessarily of esthetic condition but of health. Such people have heart problems, are susceptible to a lot more diseases and have a hard time in getting pregnant. Good luck to your friend and i wish her the best.

Definitly. I mean it sounds weird because she does want to lose weight. But the problem with what he says is, what if she loses weight, they get married they're happy and six mkonths later she gains it back. Is he going to treat her bad? Is he going to not take her anywhere with him? Is there going to be a problem with their love life because he is all of a sudden not attracted to her and maybe even cheat on her? Also, there have been many cases where a couple were very happy, the guyt seemed real nice and they get married and she finds out he is very controling. Him saying that opens up all these possibilities. I really think these two need to hold off any wedding for awhile.

I don't think it was fair for him to do what he did in that way, he maybe should help her but not blacmail her so to speak, I knew a girl years ago that was over weight and she was married then she went on a diet and lost a lot of weight but her personality changed so much they ended up getting a divorce so maybe be he should love her the way she is but help just a little to lose just a little weight.

if they guy REALLY loves her, her weight shouldnt matter. i would be saying, 'see ya later' i am afraid. the personality is what should shine through and attract others.

First off, after reading the other replies, I have to say....If she is only losing the weight because he told her 'or else', then there are very good odds that she will regain the weight. Then what? He will want a divorce? She needs to wake up and smell the coffee!! Unless or until, she changes eating habits, exercise, and mainly...wants to lose the weight for HERSELF.....she'll either have a hard time losing it, or will gain it back! Been there done that. At the beginning of Jan 2004, I weighed a lil over 300 lbs (I'm 5'3"), and then I made the decision to get in better shape. I have lost the equivalent of a whole person!! I am down to 150, 1/2 my former me!! and have kept it that way for the past 8 years! But, I did it for ME! not because some jerk said do it or else! I really hope your friend rethinks this whole marriage! Unless she likes being controlled! and that will come to mean every aspect of her life, where she goes, how she dresses, who her friends are.....Hope she stops and thinks!! good luck

There was a man on the Steve Wliko show that said the same thing to his girl friend and went behind her back and slept with a skinny girl. I'm not sure if the same thing would happen to your friend I would hope not. I do agree with you she should lose weight for her to marry this guy and the guy should even prose that to her either. If he truly lives her then it wouldnt matter till she is ready to lose the weight. That to me isn't supporting her but helping her tear the person on the inside and the imagin of herself.

I would be running away from this creep.

Wow how terrible for her that she is going to marry a guy like that. Ok so then she marries him and gains the weight back whats he going to do divorce her ugh. If she really wants to lose weight them I'm glad this is giving her the incentive but I think its a really rotten way for a man to act. If you love someone you love them no matter how big or small they are you. If you want to marry someone it is because you truly love them... if someone wants you to change how you are in order to marry you then its not real love and there shouldnt be a marriage. I really hope she wakes up to what is going on before she marries this guy.

That is horrible! if he truly love her he would not be telling such deals..or in fact he would marry her and help her get through loosing weight or much better love her for who she is!

I think that is horrible. Your poor friend. =( I wish she would find someone that REALLY loves her because what she has now is not it. The guy should be ashamed of himself. He should accept and love her the way she is...

Oh samd, I totally agree with you...Thats is so wrong on all accounts.. I don't get it...If he honesly fell in love with her then why would he try to change her...really I think partners who give those type of alternatives are not being real...I would say to him' WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET"....don't really like it ,,,then keep it moving... No one deserves that kind of treatment...How is she suppose to lose weight under that kind of stress...and she should want to lose weight for herself not for some other jackazz... She should lose the weight and tell Mr. Thin Man to take a walk...LOL...

i think its just rubbish to say your lover that loss your weight after then i will marry you.if you are in love with that in the same condition then how can you say that this sentence.let us suppose she loosed her weight just to marry you.what happened if she will put some more weight again? physical attraction is not every thing .if you are connected with your partner just because she is beautiful then you are cheating with that girl. you have to be connected by souls.understanding between you and your partner must be good.that are requirement to marry with anyone. not that physical attraction.this physique is changes by time to time but our thinking remains same in whole life. so never concentrate on physique that all.

That guy is a loser he not a gentlemen at all how would he fill if that is his daughter

I think if he really cared for her the way he said he did he wouldnt be like lose weight or i wont do this with you. He should be accepting of her just the way she is if he truly likes her for who she is.

Wow. Just wow. If this guy is already putting conditions on their relationship and they haven't gotten married yet, this is a VERY bad sign. I too have a very over wieght friend (she is almost 300 pounds). She too thought that she would never find love but last year it happened. She met a man that was so sweet to her and treats her like gold. The are married now and happily in love. I think that your friend needs to open her eyes and realize that it is obvious that this guy doesn't love her for who she is and that he obviously isn't the one for her. I just don't want your friend to make the mistake of settling because she might think that she can't do better, and I know that you don't want that either. I am sad that this guy says he loves her when it is obvious that he does not. If he truly did love her, he would love her for who she is and not put conditions on their marriage. I think that this guy should be ashamed of himself. And I don't blame you one bit for not liking this guy or for thinking that your friend is making a mistake. If she had made the choice for herself because she wanted to fit into a wedding dress that she really liked, that would be different, but since it was him who came up with the idea, I really think it is a mistake. NO ONE should make you change who you are.

You know friend real love is not on what we see outside our appearance will be real from our heart and love the person just as she/he is and don't give any condition where there is no love in that situation... If the person loves you so much just let him to love just what you are not who you are? Never mind if you are over weight, ugly and everything if he loves you, he loves with no condition at all that's it, my friend... If he set a condition with you to love you more don't believe it because if he really loves you. He don't set anything to make you hard...

if the guy in question has told this to your friend, then let me put in doubt this love, because when you love someone, the shape does not matter ( it would be very different that it was because this overweight was dangerous for her health)

I think the guy is on the losing end. The girl can easily lose weight but can gain twice as much as soon as she had babies.

Yeah like you mentioned he fell in love with her at the weight she is. So he shouldn't be telling her to lose weight or he won't marry her. That just isn't right. She should talk with him about how she feels. That he needs to be willing to marry her whether or not she loses weight. After all that will put stress on the relationship her knowing that he won't marry her unless she loses weight. He should be encouraging not giving her an ultimatium. I hope that things work out for your friend.

I hate to say this, but I really feel that he doesn’t love this girl enough to marry her. What I am going to say is going to sound kind of crude, but think about it. It could be he was with her for convenience, but to wake up to her for the rest of their lives, looks like he’s not attracted to her enough to marry her. Looks like she was good enough to bed, but not good enough to marry without losing weight. I wouldn’t marry him at all after that! If I am not good enough as I am, then he will never get the opportunity to be with me if and when I lose weight and become a knockout! Think about it! She is the SAME person, fat or thin. It’s shallow to demand that she lose weight or he won’t marry her. He never loved her to begin with, that’s my take. I think she loves him more than he loves her… a lot more. The last thing I want to say is… if she wants to lose weight… I hope she does it for herself and no one else. She will not succeed unless she does it for herself.