Kindness that blew up in the face
By bounce58
@bounce58 (17387)
Canada
January 17, 2012 3:02pm CST
I work in a small company with a couple of the owners (not related to each other) working in the office. There’s the guy who’s the big boss who runs almost everything, and the lady boss who runs the financial side of things.
Anyway, there’s a homeless guy who hangs around the area who’s taken upon himself to do odd jobs around so he could get some money. He would clean office windows, shovel snow, etc.
When this guy first approached us, the big boss said no. But the lady boss was kind enough to make him do some work, to help him out, instead of just giving money outright. He did this a couple of times without any issue.
This morning the guy came in again and demanded that he clean our windows and that he just wants $10 (he just cleaned it last week). Calmly the lady owner said no, which got the guy agitated and angry. After some heated words, he stormed off.
The discussion in the office was that her kindness blew up in her face. After helping the guy out, now he poses as a problem, as we don’t know what he’ll do with the windows when we’re not around.
Have you ever been or seen something similar? Where it would have been better not to show kindness at all?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@megamatt (14292)
• United States
18 Jan 12
That does rather seem to be a sadly common situation. There are just times where a lot of people are going to rather feel like they are doing someone a great favor offering them this act of kindness. The problem is that if you give someone an inch, they will take a foot in their attempts to really take advantage of the kindness of a person and then act offended when a person has their limits.
I think that really, we want to help people out but sometimes when we help person out, they start expecting things. Which can just prove that our kindness is going to rather going to smack us right into our face and rather dizzy us in any number of ways. Frustrating when you really think about and these people tend to be rather tricky to deal with. Sometimes we try and do the right thing, but it blows up in a rather spectacular manner.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
21 Jan 12
It is a bit sad when you thing about it. If this is the reason why most people don't show any kindness at all when presented with the opportunity. When they think, or they know that if they give an inch, a foot would be asked. It surely kills the spirit.
Thanks.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
18 Jan 12
I think if you ask someone to do a job for you it's normal to do something back in return.
I helped many people in all kind of ways in the past years (about 30 years) but it never returned out well. I was allways stabbed in the back and people never said thanks or were greatfull. They all turned out to be abusers and even were rude as I was not able to help them out anymore (nobody ever helped me).
So to be honest I think it's useless to feel pity for someone. You will break your own windows if you help out someone. There is a good reason why this guy is homeless.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
24 Jan 12
Hi bounce,
That's a bit of a hard call. I happen to think the woman did the right thing. Too many people have appalling attitudes to all manner of situations these days. What is wrong with society that so many don't know how to behave properly towards other people? Where do they get off doing the nasty when they have been given a helping hand?
I would be asking the police to keep an eye on things and letting them know the facts of the situation...just in case he retaliates.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
24 Jan 12
Thankfully he didn't do anything damaging to our place. But we do have an alarm system (which we hope the cops could come quickly, if ever there was a disturbance).
I'm just saddened that he might have bit the hand that fed him. Just because of his behavior, I wouldn't be surprised if the lady boss said NO, when he comes back again.
Thanks MsTickle.
@sweetlil7up (22)
• United States
17 Jan 12
That is a really tough one to answer. It sounds like the guy was getting desperate and hopefully nothing will come of it and everything will end up alright. I do find it good that instead of begging for the money he was willing to do the odd jobs for it. Not many people around here do that. They just wait for handouts, and some of them are just ripping people off. Anyway, I think being kind is good. Sometimes it seems to backfire, but at least there is the knowledge that you tried to do the right thing.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 Jan 12
I am a very kind person and for that reason I never think that it is better to never show any kind of kindness at all. With that said, I think that it is better that the lady owner had the man do something instead of just giving him the money outright because at least that way he did some kind of work to earn his money. That said, I don't think that he will hurt anything because she told him no, instead, I tend to think that he will probably just move on to the next place to get some money.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
24 Jan 12
I appreciate your thoughts dorannmwin. And how you still have faith in the human spirit that this is not an act of being abusive, rather something else (desperation maybe?). Yes, he did not hurt or cause damage (now that it's been a few days), so maybe he did move on to the next place.
In that case, the kindness shown still stands out.
Thanks.
@vandana7 (100225)
• India
18 Jan 12
It is human to expect more. Very few people are satisfied and stay within the limits. So the behavior is not surprising. In my life I have had first hand experience with my cousins who are children of an uncle who was a drunkard. Papa gave them financial help for more than 10 years, only to have us beaten up one at a time for more monies. So as far as I was concerned all drunkards and gamblers were bad, and so were their families. But out here, there was one mylotter - Gareth, who said her family was not like that and that she had good experience. I too met a few good people in the meanwhile. So my view changed. However, kindness should be limited because others start taking things for granted and do not realize when it is hurting.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
24 Jan 12
You are so right to say (write) that it is but human to expect more. In fact, I'm also guilty with this. I'm never satisfied with what I have.
But I just wish that people would also recognize the kindness shown by the lady boss. That it was over and above what was expected of her. And that demanding it to be a regular thing, can be abusive.
Thanks vandana7.
@GardenGerty (160615)
• United States
17 Jan 12
The problem was in not setting the frequency up in advance, and all people in the office need to be agreed on what is going on. If the big boss said no, though, they should have not given him money.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
19 Jan 12
I actually saw when the guy was paid. And it didn't come from the company's petty cash. It came from the lady boss' wallet. She just wanted to help.
I'm afraid to think that the guy just saw the lady boss as easy. And that he could just come anytime and do some work to get money.
Thanks GG.
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
18 Jan 12
At the office I worked in we used to allow a local homeless guy to use the bathroom occasionally to clean up. He was charming and pleasant, and it was a pleasure to have his company. But very occasionally he'd turn up steaming drunk and smelly and demand his 'right' to the bathrooms. When we said no because he would distress customers he got really abusive and we wished we'd never let him use them in the first place.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
23 Jan 12
In a way, we have something similar. There's a Fedex driver who regularly delivers our stuff. Since his on the road all the day, he regularly asks if he can use our bathroom. We let him. He always ask permission first, and is always very respectful. And there are some days when you can see that he wants to use it, but since we're all busy, he doesn't and just goes about his way.
I don't mind showing kindness to him.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
18 Jan 12
It was not right of him to demand or expect them to let him do the work or get paid this time too. It was nice of the lady boss to pay him for a job that he did. She was right to say no when the work was not needed to be done, it is too bad he felt it necessary to get angry about it.
I suppose the man needed the money for food, liquor, etc., and was upset that they did not need the windows cleaned.
@bird123 (10643)
• United States
18 Jan 12
The lady boss did no wrong even if the guy turned out not to appreciate her kindness. It reflects on who she is. She teaches the world kindness. 
On the other hand, our actions show God and the world what we need to learn. Clearly, the guy will have many rough roads ahead from the lessons he is needing learn.
On the other hand, our actions show God and the world what we need to learn. Clearly, the guy will have many rough roads ahead from the lessons he is needing learn.
@much2say (55537)
• Los Angeles, California
18 Jan 12
That hasn't happened to me personally, but that type of situation is always in the back of my mind. I live in a "good" area - but there are several homeless people that hang out around the neighborhood - the same ones - and we can find these same faces here or there on a daily basis. As a woman with two little ones, for safely reasons, I don't ever pull out my wallet when we are walking about. I always wondered what would happen if I gave them some money once, that they would recognize me thereafter and would expect me to give them a hand out every time we passed them. And would one possibly go bezerk on me if I didn't. I am usually the sort of person who says hi to everyone and people do seem to want me to stop to chat . . . but I get super reserved when it comes to these homeless people. I do feel bad - don't get wrong - and I wish I could help them somehow - but I can't compromise our "safety" to just show some kindness.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
24 Jan 12
I think you got a legitimate reason to feel what you feel about these people in your area. Although you want to help, there is the issue of safety, specially with your little ones.
It's sad that something like this prevents us from helping, but there are just things that are more important.
Thanks.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
18 Jan 12
Sometimes showing kindness to others like what the lady boss showed to the guy can really be taken advantage of. The lady boss should at least talked to him first when she accepted this guys proposal to do odd jobs - she should tell him that only when he's really needed she would be called in to do jobs. That guy was so desperate but he loses his chances of getting paid again for doing something in the future when he did that to the lady boss.
@SarahAlyx (181)
• United States
18 Jan 12
There really doesn't seem to be a whole lot to add to this discussion that hasn't already been said but I will throw my 2 sense in. I agree though that is a tough question but I believe she was right in letting him help out but I also agree that if she were going to do that to "hire" him on an as needed basis and had the paper work. Unless she was going to pay him under the table which many people do. It may have blown up but it just goes to show that there was a lesson to be learned on the womans part and the homeless mans part.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
20 Jan 12
She actually paid him out of her own pocket. Just her way of being kind. The big boss just had something to say about it as they were partners in the business.
Yes, I agree that there were lessons to be learned. It's just sad that a kind move had to blow up, just because of this.
Thanks and welcome to myLot!
