BABY Confusion - RESCUE ME !!!

Hello Enelym, Well my marriage is on a very rough road at the moment, my husband does not seem happy at all. He has too many restrictions on me, and some things are just over board. I try to understand him and compromise, but there are so many things that I have just lost track on. So I am really confused what our future will be, if this is his attitude at the beginning. Secondly he does want us to have a baby, the doctor has advised me certain pills to start taking. But i am afraid to take them because I am afraid to have a baby. I am not certain about my marriage and if a baby comes in the picture - I dont know what is going to happen. The doctor has told me not to take tension, the more tensed I will get the more difficult it will be for me to have a baby. But ofcourse i am tensed with the atmosphere my husband has created, its too difficult for me not to worry. I think if i have a baby,things will be better in my marriage, at the same time I dont want to be selfish. A new life will come into this world, I want to give that baby the best and dont want him/her to end up in a broken family. So i dont know what to do, should I try to understand my marriage better than decide to have a baby. Or give it a shot and let nature takes its course..? I am really confused and this is depressing me.. Thank you so much for your kind response, Please let me know.. God bless you.

So sorry that you are going through this. One thing that you can do is to try to talk things out with your husband. Ask him what is going on with him. I understand why you felt that way because it's really hard to raise a child without a father. So, I guess you need to slow it down now that you are confused about your marriage. I think it would be better if you and your husband will have this pleasant and happy atmosphere first. If you are confident that you can raise your baby well even without him (which I hope won't happen) then you can go ahead and have the baby. I am sure that without him you will be able to raise the kid well. Give your husband an chance and talk to him. Maybe he was acting that way because he was also wishing to have a baby with you but you are still not getting pregnant.

Well my husband is very difficult person to communicate too. No matter what I try to say to him, it just does not get across his head. He is very egoistic, and very selfish. He just thinks about himself. The reason that concerns me is because he has isolated me from my family and friends. He does not wish to see them or want me to see them. This highly concerns me because I am the only daughter of my parents. Its really difficult for them when they see me in this state. I dont understand why he is doing this. They have never interfered in my marriage life, they have been so good to him and treated him like a son. But he on the other hand just want me locked up in the house and not meet anyone - specially my family. I am afraid of such a life because this is not how I thought marriage is suppose to be. So if a baby comes in picture, what if he tries to take it away from me? I am even afraid of that factor. At times he does talk like he loves me so much, but his actions dont show me that. Talking is not working for me at all.. As you have said, I think I should just work on knowing how things will be with my husband in future rather jumping into having a baby. I dont want to a rise a baby without a father, I want to give the little angel, a happy family. That is what I always dreamed about.. Thanks for your BR. It truly has helped me.. God Bless u.

I highly suggest to start prenatal vitaims if you want a baby the early they better. You can start then while you get things fingered out. If he isn't the one that you need to have kids with it's a good thing to stop now or even just take a break not a break up but space a part that some times helps couples as well as bring in a 3rd partner that isn't going to be biases of the issues you two have. Babies bring in a whole new word of stress and I know some people believe a baby will bring them a better relationship it won't it'll test you in a different way.

Thank you so much dear. i think we both really need some space. Some time away from each other might help us figure out. As soon as my parents come to town, I will go and spend some time with them. Maybe my husband can straighten out his issues. Thanks alot for your help.

Hello Shy Bear, Yes when the situation is already complicated then its difficult to make such a tough decision, which is truly life changing. Well I have written more about my issue at the top. Its really complicated and after listening to all your suggestions, I think I should focus on taking care of my health and fixing the problem with my husband. I need to know where I stand in this relationship..and have a stable mind before making such a big decision. Thank u so much for taking your time to write. I really appreciate it, as talking this out has helped me alot. God bless u.

Hello Mr.Pearl, You have actually given the reason for my confusion. U are right, I dont know if my marriage is a happy one, a lasting one, a healthy one, and mostly a forever one. So I am confused that if things will be okay between me and my husband in the future. I am afraid with his attitude, I wont be able to take it for a lifetime. And having a baby will just make me more crazy and bonded...ofcourse I am worried about the baby's future to as God knows in that situation what he/she has to go through.. THanks for helping me.. I shall definitely talk to mother about this and get her help. God Bless u.

Thank you. By your response Hubby is not the father of your children. The worse thing to do is force Anyone to be a parent when they Never wanted to be. It isn't fair to them And the child is the one who suffers. You want babies then go out and find a partner/ spouse that feels the same.You deserve it! It will be hard but your freedom is worth it. I wish you all the best.

Hello Sarah, Thank you for your time to read and write down a very mature advice. I surely need to sit down and figure it out. You are right about the fact that I need a partner who holds the similar dreams as mine, to raise a baby with love and care. my husband does want a baby but he has no idea where our marriage is headed too. Its not about the baby only, if we both are walking different roads then the baby will end up in the middle, with no road. So I will definitely give it a very hard thought and talk to someone very close who can help me through this process, because I am tried of fighting all by myself.. God Bless u.

I just read your comment to the first responder. I understand your situation a little better now. Please, please do not have a baby right now and think that it will help your marriage. It may bring you closer for a short little while but not for long. In fact, it will probably make things worse because there will be more tension. I really hope you make the right choice for you and your future child.

Hi Bamboee, I think you have really answered your own questions here. You sound like a smart lady. I'm sure having your husband pressuring you for a baby makes it hard for you. I know you want to be fair to him and all but like you said, you have to consider you and your child first. I don't know how bad your husband is but from what I read, he sounds a bit controlling. I hope that you will be able to find a way to talk openly with him about these things. They are too important to ignore.

Thanks Sid, That is what is bothering me the most, that what if my marriage ends up on a bad note with the way things are going. If I end up having a baby, and later getting divorced. Its the baby's life that I am more concerned about than my own. Because I dont want to bring him/her into this world with such a mark on the future. I want to give the baby the best, secure future as possible in my reach. And for that I need my husband to give me that security. So I really should wait for it, and give more time to know about where my relationship is headed with my husband. I dont want to end up in a fix, where I regret being pregnant. I dont want to regret bringing a life into this world, I want to have a baby and give him a stable happy family. my husband all he thinks about is having a baby, because his family is pressurizing him. He is not looking at our situation over all. But as a woman, I know I have to bare all the consequences for me and my baby. Thanks alot for your kind response and reading my first response too. It shows how considerate you are. God bless you.

Hehe, yes that is the confusion :) Thanks for taking time to read,i wrote the whole story to many of the lotters who commented.

Well my husband does want to have kids with me. But with his attitude and behavior its just so difficult for me to focus on my marriage. I feel I am in the dark and I am all by myself. So your are right I should postpone the idea for now and maybe when I see some light and some hope in our marriage, I should give it a try then. I dont want my baby to end up in a messy situation, I want to give him/her a perfect family, if not perfect atleast close to perfection. Thanks so much for ur kind comment. God bless u.

Dear Blue Angel, You have spoken just like an angel. Thank you so much for being concerned about me. Yes, I have many conflicting issues that are bothering me. I all by myself, I dont have anyone to talk to about it. My husband is not good at all when it comes to putting things on the table. Even if i do try to talk to him, it does not get across and I really feel more depressed and confused. I do need to work out on my marriage first before taking this huge step. That is why I have not started my medication in order to start the process of conceiving. I really want my baby to have the best and not end up having to choose between his dad or me. The doctor has advised me to take as much as less stress as possible because it will make my health worse. But I no matter how much i try, there is some or the other problem that keeps giving me stress and I just cant find out any solution for it. Thanks alot for your response, I will take your advice and look after myself, because unless and until I am healthy with a body and a happy mind - this wont work out. God Bless you.

Thanks flower for your kind response. Yes, I think with all the comments I have read, I should first focus on myself and then think about working things out with my husband. And maybe when finally I can make my mind stable I can decide to go on for a baby. Its very tough choice to make, and being with a man who is difficult, just makes it even more difficult for me. Thanks alot for your response. God bless u.

Heylo Tatzkie, Thank you for your kind comment. Trust me my smartness does not work at the stages of frustration and stress. Well yes, I am seeking some medical help just at the moment to get my self in proper health but to conceive a baby because I need to first sort it out. God bless u.