Protective or Overreacting mom?
By bluangel628
@bluangel628 (383)
Philippines
January 24, 2012 12:14am CST
I'm a first time mom. I love my daughter much, who doesn't. I like to see her happy. But because of my work, she seemed distant at times. She likes to be with her grandparents and cousin of five years old. It's fine with me. But whenever I hear them yell at my daughter for something the five year old kid taught her, I felt my heart wrenching. The five-year old kid always taught her things she should not be saying or doing. And when it's my daughter who imitates the act, the five year old cousin would tell their grandparents that she said something bad or done something inappropriate, when in turn he was the one responsible for her learning these things. My daughter is a very bright kid and at one year of age, she can immediately imitate whatever it is you've shown her. I felt helpless. I wanted to keep her away from her cousin but she likes hanging out with him and that cousin of hers with her - probably because they are both only child. Am I being overprotective or being overacting on this?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
24 Jan 12
No that's not being overprotective but you do need to take this up with the parents of her cousins. If he the one teaching her these things then he is t being discipline of his actions and if a little one year is saying and doing certainty gs that a 1 year should be doing they should be yelling it at her but explaining in a way she will understand that it's not okay to do not only to her but to the 5 war old. Me as a mother I would tolerate someone yelling at my child. I don't care who the hell they are but I will be all up in there face and I dot. Care who's child it is teaching my own kid these things if they are family then I'll punish the kid so they can see that it's not far and that if both do it then both have to be punished for it not just one. The older one should no better then the youngest one.
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 12
Thanks for responding! I would not tolerate it as well. But I wanted some nicer way to deal with it. I'm not telling yours is not. We have different approach and somehow I'm looking at a more diplomatic approach where I don't violate other parent's rights to discipline their children. If I don't want my daughter scolded at , what more other parents feel. Anyway, thanks for responding and happy mylotting!
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
7 Feb 12
When it comes to your own family and your kids you have every right to tell them not to do that when they are watching or around your child. I have no problem correction other adults that are taking care of my daughter. If I'm leaving her with them I expect them to treat her the way I would when I'm the one there. If they don't like it they bit my a$$ and never see us again. This is why my family lives 9 hours away from everyone else so they can't do the things I don't want them to do to my daughter that they have either done to there own child, my husband or myself. I'm not going to tell them how they raise there child is wrong but I will tell them that they can't do that to my own and if I feel that some kind of discipline needs to be in place for there child I will tell them do you let your kid get way with that when you leave with other people if so then they are going to be that way for the rest of there life and even worse to there own child. If your okay with that and that kind of behavior I'm taking my kids some where else. Some times as a parent you need to step on some toes make some noise or just let it keep happening when you don't like it. Part of being a parent is stepping up when you need to not only for yourself but for your own kids not only for there protection but well being.
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
7 Feb 12
No, I do not think that you are overreacting... Your little girl should not learn bad words at this age... If she continues using them for 2 more years, then there will be no returning back.. The 5 years old is interesting... He is definitely trying to lower your girl and trying to win over her... i am not kidding... Kids are like that... They too understand things like pride, etc...
So take care of your child my friend..
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 12
I will. I'm trying out to find a better job where I can see them 24/7. My daughter is not just my concern hear. I also feel for the 5 year old child. Considering he's my godson, I don't like what's happening to his attitude. Somehow I want to teach him how to be prim and proper and uplift his good traits. Thanks for responding and happy mylotting!
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
25 Jan 12
Hi bluange: I understan d that you feel worried because this is not a very desirable situation, however not leeting your daughter stay with her cousin is not a good solution in my opinion. That would be traumatic I think. Instead, being so bright you should tell her that, these words are not ok. She is just innocent and if you start teaching what you don't like to see her doing she will understand and stop doing it I think. Thanks for sharing with us this question. Have a nice day.
ALVARO
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 12
My husband thought so too. She's so attached to her cousin that I know it will make her sad to be away from him. I'll try my best to be there for them and will talk to her every now and then that her attitude is not right. Thanks for responding and happy mylotting!
@Sum1PassingBy (419)
• Jordan
24 Jan 12
What may seem protective to the parent might be very overprotective from the child's point of view. I have had lots of arguments with my mom mainly because I thought she was being overprotective/overreacting about things. Now I just know the way she saw things and how different that was from my view.
Just try to see the issue from through your child's eyes and you'll know how what the best solution to the problem is.
Have a nice day and the best time myLotting!
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 12
Thanks for responding! I will and honestly I'm trying to see it through my child's eyes. Happy mylotting!
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
24 Jan 12
You are not over protective and also not over reacting.
I really hope the grandparents are smart enough to understand that a 1 year old kid is not doing all these bad things and she has an example.
I also hope they will check (peep if necessary) what the 5 year old is doing.
If not tell them to do so.
As long as the grandparents don't complain to you about her behaviour the only thing you need to do is tell them you don't like the kind of language/behaviour she picks up while staying with them. this might be confronting but I would tell them this frankly.
I think it's normal for a little kid to have an example/hero, which is in this case the 5 year old. Can't you talk with his mother about his behaviour?
If this would not change I would look for someone else/other option during the time that I have to work.
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 12
Yes. I spoke with them about it. But it seemed useless because it's not addressed. I try to be at home as much as I could so that I would be able to look after my daughter. Thanks for responding and happy mylotting!
@gaea23 (252)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
You are a protective mom. You should sometimes stay your daughter away from that 5 year old kid since that kid don't bring good to the development of your daughter. Your daughter's age, which is one year old, is the age wherein imitations is real present. What she sees is what she will do because she doesn't know the good and bad effect of it. Especially when she finds it comfortable and she's happy doing it, she will really imitate no matter what, whether it's for her own good or bad for her. So better yet, before she learns bad deeds with that 5 year old kid, you must keep her away. Try to find or look for a remedy where you can be able to be comfortable with your daughters companion.
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 12
Thanks for responding! I do try sometimes to take her away from her cousin but whenever I do, she lets out a gut wrenching scream like she's being tortured. I'm still looking for ways to divert their attentions from doing bad. I try to create activities for both of them. Thanks for responding and happy mylotting!
@beaniefanatic13 (5076)
• Grand Junction, Colorado
24 Jan 12
Your one year old isn't old enough to know that what she is doing or saying is wrong. To yell at her is also wrong. I would talk with the people she is around and let them know how you feel. As for the cousin if this wasn't a family member and your daughter was picking up bad habits from a friend you wouldn't allow her to hang with that person would you? Family is no different. At five years old they do know right from wrong. I wouldn't allow my child to be around someone like that. Especially if other family members are yelling at my one year old that learned it from a five year old. Just my 2 cents worth!!!
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 12
Oh only if I have a choice. Right now I'm trying to save money to get a nanny and put my dearest daughter with my parents. I mean, my in-laws are nice people, no question on that. My only concern is the morale of my daughter. She can't be yelled at for something she naively imitated. I mean, a 1 year old versus a 5 year old, who should be getting the blame right. Thanks for responding and happy mylotting!
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 12
Thanks for making me feel normal and enlightening me about a child's world. I think I would like to agree with you that though she imitates it, she does not comprehend if it's right or wrong. Whenever I talk to her about it, she just said yes she won't do it again but after a few minutes or so, here she is again, doing same thing. My husband and I agree that we'll ignore her for the meantime but will always remind her that what she's doing is inappropriate. Continuous reminder I guess would eventually force her to leave the habit. Thank you for responding and happy mylotting!
@eunife (165)
• Philippines
24 Jan 12
it's just but normal to feel that. one thing that is not good is to yell at a 1 year old child no matter what the reason is. grandparents should know that more than you do. the 5-y/o kid is at its "naughty' stage as we call it. he should learn his lesson too in a good way. kids are kids, what do they know? adults are there to guide and protect them. we must tell them what's right and wrong as early as we can. they may not get it at first, second or third but if we tell them every time we need to, it will make a difference.
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
7 Feb 12
I agree. Kids are kids. We should be guiding them and understanding them. Not yelling them, because right now they are in their formative years. This should be the time when we mold their character. I hope my in-laws share the same view with me. Sometimes they do, most of the time they don't. Oh well, I hope I'm at home 24/7 so I can guide her and her cousin. I think I'll have to influence her using the ample time I have. Thanks for responding. Happy mylotting!
