How do you deal with menopausal and andropausal parents?
By anncherry
@anncherry (406)
Philippines
January 26, 2012 1:41am CST
Recently, my brother and I are getting fed up of all the negative atmosphere at home.
Yesterday, early in the morning when we where about to leave for dance auditions, my dad went and threw a tantrum as to why my bro woke up early for dance auditions but didn't when he had an interview the day before. I mean, come on, there was no specific time given for the interview, but there is a scheduled time for the audition. Is it really such a big deal to throw things around and ruin everyone's mood so early in the morning?
It hasn't been always like that, but sadly, it's becoming "most of the time" already. My parents are often in a foul mood nowadays, and when that happens they either fight with each other (saying something really hurtful to each other) or pickin' on me or my bro. The things that didn't matter years ago are now such a big deal. I can understand why their patience is wearing thin and all, but it's just so suffocating and it really gets on your nerves when they get angry at the littlest of things. The influence is so great that your chest hurts and it becomes harder and harder not to fight back. At times, my dad would even say something unrelated (from the topic at hand) and at the same time hurtful, like you'd get the feeling that he really wants you to get hurt and feel the pain. It's a sad feeling, because you know that at that moment, there wasn't even an ounce of compassion... And an insult that's unrelated at that--that's even more infuriating than something related to the conversation, right?
I have been paying for a condo unit for some time now, and though I know it's not a good thought, I can't help but think that I badly want to move out and escape from this hell of a place. That if we do that maybe they will miss us and realize that they need to re-assess themselves rather than turn a deaf ear when we told them about what we're noticing regarding their behavior and mood swings. We try our best to understand them, the most plausible alibi would be the menopausal/andropausal period, but we won't be able to take it any longer if they continue to treat us as punching bags for their words...
Please don't get me wrong. My mom and dad are both good people. That's why we're kinda like in a culture shock right now, unable to know how to handle them (without lashing out at every hurtful word). If you know how we can best handle their outbursts, it'd be really great if you can enlighten us. As much as possible, we don't want to move out because of this. It would terribly hurt them. And we don't want that to happen.
*Filipinos have really close family ties, that's why we're still staying at our family home, especially since we're both single.
3 responses
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
26 Jan 12
if you can get this product, it could help your mom. it's called newphase. it will help out with the menopausal. you don't need a prescription and it's all natural ingredients. i take it for my menopause. it helps a lot! if you don't want to tell her what it's for just say its a vitamin. once she's been taking it for a few days, you should start seeing a difference. most fathers behaviour changes when mothers behaviour changes. onces she starts getting back to her self, he'll probably do the same. if there's a way to talk to a pharmacist, they might be able to offer something for him as well. as i have lived with an abusive parent, you get to choose how they affect your day. take a few minutes to be mad at what they did/say. then choose not to let it bother you. concentrate on the good stuff that's happening in your life, like the dance audition. good luck
@anncherry (406)
• Philippines
27 Jan 12
Thank you so much for the help. I think I'll research that product you just mentioned... and see if I can get my mom to try it. It's a little hard to talk to them these day, you know, and I think they're also kinda sensitive on this topic. :/
I'm so sorry to here about your parent, I hope everything alright with you now. _
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
27 Jan 12
if your brother likes a sport, get him involved into it someway. i live with a perfectionist as well and when things aren't right, words get said. if your brother can get involved into a sport, that would be a great outlet. if he don't like a sport, have him keep a journal. that way he can get the words out. that's what my daughter does. she keeps a journal. she don't always write, she'll draw in it as well. i hope this helps more.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
27 Jan 12
How nice of angelwithkids to share that good news about how to deal with menopause. Though, i am thankful that my mother though in menopause can still be tamed.
She would also pick on littlest thing , but when told that she's getting so difficult to everybody again, she would just keep quiet. I am glad also that my father though in his andropausal stage also, is still so very kind to everybody. 
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
28 Jan 12
Hi! cherryann,I am a 53 year old woman and i am on my menopausal stage, my monthly period is already erratic and i could feel lots of discomforts brought about by menopause. I am also a nurse and i am trained on providing services to women with reproductive health problems. I would like to share something to you that i hope would give you better understanding on menopause and thereby help you understand your parents better. Women at forty starts to experience perimenopausal symptoms; backache, headache or migraine if they have, like me hot flashes, mood changes, joint pains, easily get tired and weight gain to some. These are due to hormonal changes and this become worse as the woman grows older. These are physical symptoms but we also experiences emotional or psychological changes. Most women become depressed and if not managed, could turn into serious mental illness. Women at this stage should make themselves busy or a relaxation or recreation would help. This is also the same thing with your dad. It would help them if you two could spend more time with them, even eating together at home, or going out once in a while. It would be good also if they have a hobby they both enjoy. Maybe you four could watch a movie or eat out sometimes. You may also talk to them when both of them are in good mood. Tell them that you are not comfortable when both of them are hot headed and fight each other. Show them that they are still needed and useful at home, because they need that as an affirmation of their being your father and mother.
I admire you because you are tolerant, that is the right reaction. Just don't take their outburst seriously because i am sure they regret saying those afterwards. Be patient and be more tolerant to your parents in this "crisis" they are going through. Good luck and God Bless.
hot flashes, mood changes, joint pains, easily get tired and weight gain to some. These are due to hormonal changes and this become worse as the woman grows older. These are physical symptoms but we also experiences emotional or psychological changes. Most women become depressed and if not managed, could turn into serious mental illness. Women at this stage should make themselves busy or a relaxation or recreation would help. This is also the same thing with your dad. It would help them if you two could spend more time with them, even eating together at home, or going out once in a while. It would be good also if they have a hobby they both enjoy. Maybe you four could watch a movie or eat out sometimes. You may also talk to them when both of them are in good mood. Tell them that you are not comfortable when both of them are hot headed and fight each other. Show them that they are still needed and useful at home, because they need that as an affirmation of their being your father and mother.
I admire you because you are tolerant, that is the right reaction. Just don't take their outburst seriously because i am sure they regret saying those afterwards. Be patient and be more tolerant to your parents in this "crisis" they are going through. Good luck and God Bless.@anncherry (406)
• Philippines
28 Jan 12
Thank you so much for the very informative feedback! My dad is into tennis and plays every week. My mom is still working at a school that's a bit too far from home. Is it a good idea if I get her a gym membership? 'Cause lately she's saying that she's getting so fat or something, but I hadn't noticed any difference in her body built these past few years. Maybe it's also a sign of mild depression?
@rooftop (110)
• Malaysia
26 Jan 12
I can understand the situation you are facing. My husband and I are in our late 50s. I believe your parents' age are more or less the same as ours ... it's manopause and andropause periods. We are not on any medications. I can understand the situation of hurting each other with rather unruly words. Oftentimes when we argued or quarrelled over the slightest matter I always try to hold my tongue and make it a point to shut up be me right or wrong. Someone has to stop or it may get real bad. I always try to hold my temper to overcome the anger. After that there will be a length of silence until someone breaks the ice and start talking again like nothing ever happened. It is best you do not interfere when your parents got heated up. If they are fighting with words it's okay. Though their hearts and yours may be broken ...temporaily maybe. But don't let them get fighting physically. Know what I mean?. Medication can help to cool off I suppose. Check it out at the pharmacy. You can let them try.
@anncherry (406)
• Philippines
27 Jan 12
Yah I totally get that part where they start talking again like nothing happened. And me and my bro would be like, looking at each other bewildered. ^^ And yes, nowadays I go up to my room when they fight. I know they must have noticed me doing that often by now, but I can't help it, their fighting makes me feel bad if not worse...
Fortunately, they don't physically hurt each other (I think that if they start doing that it's not because of menopause anymore). It's also great to hear that you are already aware of the mood swings and making an effort to neutralize it. It's hard when they won't accept what you really want to get across. It's like, you both get hurt more. :(
