Being In Love Verses Loving Someone

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February is quickly approaching and of course that brings the famous Valentine's Day holiday. So in the interest of Love I decided I would post about it. A friend of mine recently approached me with a problem she is having with her boyfriend of four years. I was rather perplexed with the problem to tell you the truth. She is very upset and in some ways I can understand why but in some ways I can relate to what he told her. They have been together four years and they have children together. They are like every couple with problems of course but nothing drastic like cheating or abuse of any kind. Recently, while visiting his mother's house they went through old photos of the family. In with the boxes of photos was a particular photo of him and a woman that he had dated for two years. This photo had been taken several years ago back when he was in his 20's and now both he and my friend are just turning 40. My friend did not think anything of it and it did not bother her in the least until they were on the way home. While on the way home they were talking about the photos of his family and friends and the subject of him and the previous girlfriend came up. He was honest with my friend and admitted that he had really been in love with this woman and he proceeded to tell her how the relationship ended, how she dumped him and later after he had gotten married how he figured out that he still loved her. His marriage at the time was on the rocks and breaking up so he moved back to his home town and got back in contact with this woman. Five years had passed since they broke up but she again let him down and told him that she was not interested in him. So this led to a discussion about his marriage and why it fell apart. Then my friend asks him so how many times have you been in love, 3 times? Meaning, his first love, his ex-wife and of course herself.. now this is the kicker. He immediately answered only once! My friend took it as a joke at first as if he had mis-spoke his true meaning but he went on to say that he had not been in love with his wife. Then my friend asked him was he not in love with her. His response shocked her and hurt her feelings. He told her that he loved her but he was not "in love" with her and he would never allow himself to be "in love" with her because it hurt too bad when things were wrong with the relationship. So now my friend is feeling hurt, broken hearted and let down and she does not know what to do. She is torn between just breaking off the relationship or holding onto it and trying to resolve what she see's as a problem. Now my take on this. I can see it from both sides. I can see how it would hurt her and make her feel as if their whole relationship had been a lie. I can also see it from his point of view. Men and women think about emotions and feelings differently and I can see where he would love her but yet not be in real love with her. I really had no advice that I could give this friend. I did tell her that I could see how both parties felt. I also remarked on how he has been with her for so many years they have children together and there is no major problems like cheating, abuse etc. He is good to her and is not out partying with friends or doing anything that would even make her suspect he is cheating. He comes straight home from work, calls her during his breaks and work and he is a very attentive father. Most women would kill to have a man like this by their side but she is still hurting from the shock of it all. I told her to take some time and really weigh the pros and cons of the relationship and of what he said. What do you fellow MyLotters think of this situation? Does she stick it out with him or break up with him?