Can Always Rely On My Mum To Put Things Into Perspective
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
January 29, 2012 6:03pm CST
As you know my in-laws get on my nerves but I have now realised that I am powerless to resist their..er..help.
I don't think I've mentioned a crack in the wall at the top of the stairs "that needs looking at." Well, John got his Dad round (with his Mrs in tow) and, to cut a long story short, they're going to help us sort the wall out. In other words, re-decorate the hallway and stairs.
At first I was upset about this, coming out with the usual "I never have a say in what goes on in this house because I've no money" blah-de-blah to John. Well, that is never going to change in the foreseeable future so, as Mum says, "Let them get on with it, so long as you're in control of what happens in the house. Don't let them do a botched job, I'm sure John won't let them."
So, there you have it. Mum's pearls of wisdom have made me realise that to fight the in-laws is fruitless and without them the wall wouldn't get sorted out, end of story.
Tomorrow I shall make a start on taking some wallpaper off!
Tomorrow I shall make a start on taking some wallpaper off!2 people like this
9 responses
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
2 Feb 12
I've finally seen the light lol.
However, it doesn't change what I feel towards my MIL at the moment but I keep schtum for John's benefit. She never listens to what I say anyway especially if I disagree with her.
However, it doesn't change what I feel towards my MIL at the moment but I keep schtum for John's benefit. She never listens to what I say anyway especially if I disagree with her.1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
6 Feb 12
No one says you have to like your mother in law. After all she does not live with you so you only have to encounter her once in a while. I know when I was married my evil ex did not like my parents. But I never told her she had to like them. So don't worry, everything will be fine.
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
30 Jan 12
Your mom is right. There were few times when I am not agree and get mad with others but my heart said, 'be patience perhaps the result will be opposite if I hold my anger and just let the others do it and see it'. Yes, I get better result and I can imagine it won't turn as good as that if I just follow my heart and anger~(^^)
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
30 Jan 12
If I become involved right from the start and my voice is actually heard, all well and good.
When I became upset yesterday I opened up to John and told them that the real problem I have was being worried that the in-laws would do a botched job and then we're stuck with it. He told me not to worry and that everything will be fine. One good thing about John is he likes to get both sides..so at least he knows now that a botched job won't be acceptable. In fact, the walls are so bad that it HAS to be a good job to put them right, do you know what I mean?
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
30 Jan 12
Awww..I guess you will never, ever forget her, right? Sometimes I wish we could transport ourselves back about 20 years, so I'd be 25 and Mum would be 45. I didn't used to think about time then like I do now.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
1 Feb 12
Is this like 'picking your battles'?
The 'let them get on with it' part is something I've had to learn the hardway. Somethings in life are just not too easy to deal with, and we just have to accept defeat. So, when I find myself in this situation, I just brace myself, and let the circumstance go on with. Hopefully I can pick myself up afterwards.
@fannitia (2167)
• Bulgaria
30 Jan 12
Hi, Janey, what would we do without our mothers? I lost my parents years ago but my mother was with me when I had to take care of my baby and she helped me a lot. My mother-in-law wanted to help too but she preferred to decide what I needed instead of asking me.
I was too obedient but all those things are in the past. Your mother is right, let them help if they want to do it. And be happy living with your husband on your own.
@anub33 (7)
• India
30 Jan 12
Hey Janey, your mum is right. Mothers are usually right with their suggestions as they have already been in the situation that their children may be facing at present. And as far as in-laws are concerned, all women find difficulty in adjusting with them. It is pointless to get into arguments with in-laws. Let them do what they do and do not bother yourself much. It is always better to find our happiness in what we can control for our own self. Hope that your wall gets repaired soon :)
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
30 Jan 12
I tend to stay in the background whenever work goes on in this house but I'm vowing to supervise what goes on, rather like a foreman would on a job. I'll watch them like a hawk and if they do something I don't approve of, I'll tell them.
I'm not going to keep quiet anymore and let them take over..because they will if I let them.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Jan 12
Hi Janey Your mom is smart and she knows your inlaws and your
hubby so like the old Beatles song"Let it be, Let it be, singing
words of wisdom let it be." So depend on your mom to see things
and as you said put them in perspective. So I guess you are right
fighting
the in laws is fruitless and they are willing to help .Hope it all turns out great for you
the in laws is fruitless and they are willing to help .Hope it all turns out great for you@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
30 Jan 12
Thanks Hatley!
I suppose Mum is thinking, "Well, if you resist the help what happens then?"
I must say John has been brilliant as I was crying after his parents left..feeling my usual deflated self. He's promised me that he won't let his Mum and Dad cut corners (which is something they don't do in their own house, I might add) and, once we've figured out what we want doing with the walls..whether it's going to be wallpapered or painted, then it's going to be done properly. He's even taken some paper off after work tonight to give me a head start.
He's such a love.
I suppose Mum is thinking, "Well, if you resist the help what happens then?"
I must say John has been brilliant as I was crying after his parents left..feeling my usual deflated self. He's promised me that he won't let his Mum and Dad cut corners (which is something they don't do in their own house, I might add) and, once we've figured out what we want doing with the walls..whether it's going to be wallpapered or painted, then it's going to be done properly. He's even taken some paper off after work tonight to give me a head start.
He's such a love.
@changjiangzhibin89 (16750)
• China
30 Jan 12
I agree with your Mum.Your in-laws pay for sorting that out,what is there against it.As long as don't let them do a botched job.But there again,,this time it isn't involved in insurance institutions.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
30 Jan 12
Very true. The roof still needs doing actually but at least the insurance money is in another of John's accounts, otherwise it would all be gone in double-quick time, probably on the walls!
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
30 Jan 12
If you tell yourself you are powerless you are powerless. Already this attitude will make you that way.
There is only one thing that will turn the tables as they are: react different from what people are used from you. Fight for what you want, your rights.
I don't agree that it's fruitless, giving up is and it will be on a big influence on your well being sooner or later (I think it already is).
People are all the same: they will try you and see how far they can go. Say: Stop, no further.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
30 Jan 12
I am letting them in to help us as there really is no alternative, unfortunately. However, the walls are a mess and I just cannot see my FIL sorting them out himself (he's no plasterer after all) and I reckon, if he REALLY wants to do something then he should pay for a plasterer to do the work rather than him stressing out over it.
Mind you, it's going to take ages even taking the present wallpaper off!
