How I learned ot forgive

@savypat (20216)
United States
January 30, 2012 1:06pm CST
I have always had a terrible time trying to forgive and yet I knew that for me to progress in spirit I must find a way to do this. What I finally learned to do was to make each situation into a story with different parts for each person to play, then I would tell myself the story from the point of view of each party. I don't know if I always got it right but just from revisiting all the pain and anger from other's point of view I learned to see things differently and could forgive. It's takes a while to learn to do this especially if your emotion is still strong, but if you keep trying you can do it. Hope this will work for you also.
2 people like this
15 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
30 Jan 12
It is easy to say you forgive someone, but to do it, to feel it you did so is something completely different. The only thing I can advice you is to give it a place in your life. To go on and forgive yourself you can't. this will give you room to go on and feel happy. To my opinon it depends on the situation if you forgive or not. I don't think it's wrong not to forgive someone else. But it is wrong to be in your own way and if this is eating you.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jan 12
I don't understand why people find it so hard to FORGIVE. just last year my wife had an affair that devestated me. As soon as she told me that she "hooked up" w/someone else all i can do is LISTEN TO WHAT THE LORD WOULD WANT ME TO DO. Believe or not..the LORD JESUS told me "FORGIVE HER NOW...DON'T WAIT..DO IT NOW." I did as the Lord commanded and even though we bicker and go back and forth...my wife and I love each other so much more and have learned to pray through our mess and forgive not just each other but others.
1 person likes this
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
31 Jan 12
hi bricefam, what a great testimony about forgiveness...I must say that as a person I am with you...God will alway guide us at to the right thing to do...He does not make mistakes...I am sure a lot of people didn't understand your decision but thank God you did and also follow his command... A lot of us make hasty decisions that we live to regret forever, but if only we listen to our hearts instead of other people.... May God continue to bless you and your wife...
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
31 Jan 12
Thank you all for your imput here, the more information we get on this subject the more chance it will help others.
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
31 Jan 12
In my religion (not teaching religion here, just how I do it), our Teacher says that we've been reincarnated many times and done everything dumb possible. So I just figure in a previous life, I did all the stupid things possible. So I figure, "I wonder what century I probably did that and what would have possessed me to be that stupid?" Your way is a little less difficult though. Glad you found a way to forgive. Take care.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
2 Feb 12
Most teaching agree that what you sow you shall reap. Meaning of course whatever choices you make sooner or later you will face the results.
@GemmaR (8517)
31 Jan 12
It is good that you are able to see things from the points of view of other people, and it means that you are much more likely to be able to forgive them than other people would be if they were not able to do this at all. I think that forgiveness is something that not many people are able to do, even though their lives would be much easier if they were able to do this. I learned to forgive a long time ago, and if you find that you can't forgive somebody then you shouldn't be friends with them anymore as it will only make your relationship difficult.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
31 Jan 12
I have also read a book before which talked about forgiveness in one of its chapters. How sometimes an unforgiving heart stops one from moving forward and reaching his dreams. I thought to myself. I don't remember having grudge on anyone anymore. I used to when I was younger but I was able to forget that and learned to put it all in the past. I asked myself how come I'm still feeling so stuck up? Aside from my tendency to overlook my blessings and focus on negatives, there must be people I have not learned to forgive in my heart. Then I started to count one by one and realized that there are at least a few people, that even includes my dad a bit. And forgiving really is hard.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
31 Jan 12
Yes our minds can hide things like this from out consciousness, this makes it even harder to dig it out and look at it without emotion.
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
30 Jan 12
I also found that hard to do when I was younger Pat but now I went a little step further by praying for those who don't exactly like me or people I have issues with, and without exaggerating I think it gives me more vitality and makes it easier to face the day
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
30 Jan 12
louievill ..I applaud you for praying for others in this situation..that is a mature, admirable way to handle things
1 person likes this
31 Jan 12
Thats really hard work for any one.I thing you should alltime busy with work.I have a same problem.I allread get some solution from this way.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
4 Feb 12
Hi savypat, Forgiving is never easy, especially if one has been hurt badly, yet an absolute must if we are to progress spiritually. I've never heard of the idea of making into a story as you suggest here but I must admit, it's an interesting concept and I plan to use it. Not sure that it would work in all situations, but it may in most. Blessings.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
31 Jan 12
Savypat...you have just introduced a wonderful tool. I think that it is an amazing idea to take moments to put yourself in anothers shoes. I know there are sometimes no excuses but it is admirable to try and put yourself there. I think that it is something that people should actually try to do even if they are not trying to forgive.
1 person likes this
@raj_gupta (311)
• India
30 Jan 12
I almost never forget any thing bad, specially if I was on the receiving end. A long time back something happened and it just struck out of the blue that as much right as I was, the person confronting me was not wrong either... the collision was only because of the point of view or situation on each end, so actually there was nothing wrong and hence no apologies, no punishments! It must be very mush like what you are trying, but what I try is, I tell myself... okay it was bad but there must be one angle from where what happened was bound to happen. I don't really dwell on what angle that could be, but just tell myself that from some where, what happened must have looked fair enough and then I try to move on keeping it in mind and being warned of it for future.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
3 Feb 12
That is a great idea and it might be something that I would be willing to try with some of the situations in my life that I've not been able to forgive. I know that it is important to be able to forgive people, but I have also found that there are just some situations where it isn't possible to forgive someone. The main situation where I haven't been able to find forgiveness was in a girl that I thought was a friend of mine and our family helped her out by giving her a roof over her head and food to eat, and she still stole from us, which I think is something that is very difficult to forgive.
@much2say (55320)
• Los Angeles, California
30 Jan 12
I am one to not forgive so easily too. I do a similar thing in trying to see the other person's point of view . . . but not to forgive. It's more just to settle down my emotions. I have to think outside myself and put myself into others' shoes to see why things went the way they did . . . I can then possibly understand the situation better - even though I may not like it.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
3 Feb 12
For me, forgiving is not an easy task. I also believe that there are those people and situations that do not deserve to be forgiven. What happened to my by my evil ex is totally not forgivable. And I never will. I am the type to hold grudges and I actually do not feel bad about it either. No, I am not a mean spirited person, no am I evil. I am human and I have feelings to. So, I feel I have the right to feel as I do. Maybe in time I will be able to let things go, but for now, I do not see that happening.
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
30 Jan 12
savypat I think yours is an excellent method to forgiveness. I think knowing the other person sees things differently and has a point of view different from your own can help. I like to keep that in mind, but mostly what I have done is just give it over to a higher force and say I will recieve karma and so will everyone else for all we have done. Somehow that helps me to stop wanting to 'get even'
1 person likes this
31 Jan 12
I thing you should online learning so much.
1 person likes this
31 Jan 12
Hi, asvypat. It is always easier said than done to forgive, and people say let time be the medicine to heal the pains. When I look back to my old years, those that were the most important to me can no longer make me excited. You did offer us a good way to forget and forgive. Frogiving others is also to release the burden of yourself. I will have a try. Thanks and best regards.