When An Extended Family Decided To Stay in Your House
@notmuchofablogger (189)
Philippines
January 31, 2012 5:14am CST
Family centrism has always been a part of the culture of Filipinos. We have this attitude of welcoming the problems and mishaps of our relatives without considering first the harm that it can do to us. Family will always be the priority for most of us Filipinos.
However, everything has its limitations. Our kindness would only push through up to some extent, beyond that would already be an abuse for us (or for me at least).
My cousin, the oldest one, resides in our province but decided to invade our peaceful home saying that he cannot find a good job opportunity in a rural area. Without second thought, my mom welcomed him with open arms.
It was not a problem for me at first. Somehow I feel a little sorry for him since he has a child that depends on him for survival. However, after his two weeks of stay here, I have observed something that truly bothers me and makes me want to scream "GET OUT OF HERE" big time: he is NOT looking for work. He is just bumming around our house, unintentionally depriving us of our privacy. For one whole day, he does not do anything but play online games or watch TV. I have not yet seen any effort of him seeking job opportunities and it's starting to annoy me.
What is he doing here anyway? He said he would look for work but the only thing he is looking at right now is our TV. Aside from the additional costs he is giving us (electric bill, food, etc), he is denying us our time to be alone as a family and/or our lone time for ourselves. God it seems like he is just on a vacation.
I do not know how long he will stay here but I hope it would not be long enough to completely lose my patience. For now I guess I cannot do anything but deal with him and his laziness each day. For now I cannot call this house my home.
3 people like this
10 responses
@eljayo (1105)
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
Hi! I also had that experience. It was really annoying and he was not even trying to help in the chores at home. Anyway since we are family I just have to accept it. But I think if I would be on his position, I will have to help on the home that I am staying with. It's not good to do that. I hope he'll be able to realize his responsibilities and you'll be able to survive it until he goes away.
@notmuchofablogger (189)
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
I know! He does not even bother washing his own clothes! Anyway, how did you get rid of your relative who stayed in your home?
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
It's really hard when you have inconsiderate relatives staying with you. Sometimes they can really abuse the help you gave them. And it's not in our nature as Filipinos to just kick out a relative no matter how insensitive they are to how we feel. One thing you might consider doing is give him suggestions or leads on job openings that he could apply to. I know it sounds like you're going out of your way too much for your cousin but it's better than letting him bum around your house. He might even get the hint that he's already abusing his stay at your place.
@notmuchofablogger (189)
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
You are right, we cannot just make him leave since there is nowhere he can go. If I could only confront him on what he is doing then he might finally exert an effort to find his own source of income and maybe, just maybe, he'll have the initiative to look for his own place here in the city.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
31 Jan 12
Hi there,
I can only imagine your irritation at your cousin! What does your mom say about this? I would have a talk with her. This is unfair to your family. I think it is awesome that you are so willing to help family out in times of need but they need to be willing to help themselves out also. It sounds as if he is taking advantage of your kindness. Your mother should put her foot down and tell him that he needs to be out looking for a job every single day. Maybe if she gave him a time line for finding one or he would be out, he'd be motivated. Does the child live with you also? Mother?
@notmuchofablogger (189)
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
My cousin's wife is actually working abroad while he bums around in our house. He left their child at his wife's mother and ventured here in the city to "look for work". I do not know why my mom allows him to be like this. My mom knows she is already being taken advantage by my cousin but she is not doing anything. I have talked to her about this but nothing happens. How I wish we can get our old home back.
@duke1000 (100)
• United States
31 Jan 12
Can I send you my mother in law?? She came to stay with us for a few months to help out with our child. That was 3 years ago... Then she runs around the house wearing only a towel half the time and believe me its not a pretty site. I guess everyone has their limitations but as always im forced to bite my tongue and hope she finally gets an elders home on the reservation. I would like to be able to raise my family the way I want but ya that doesn't work out So i feel your pain 100%.
@notmuchofablogger (189)
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
Nah you could keep your mother in law. :D You could have my cousin if you want more. :D
At least she has contributed something in your household. My cousin has not given us anything but additional expenses. My mom has to leave him some money before going to work so he can buy something to eat. How great it is to have an extra mouth to feed.
Good luck to the both of us!
@yahnee (1243)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
That is just too bad. i for one am not into allowing relatives to stay in my home.I like my solitude and I don't need distractions especially when I am working on the online jobs. I also help relatives who are looking for jobs but under the condition that they have to look for a boarding house. I refer them to my friends who are holding HR positions like I did myself before I resigned from the job. When I am alone, I don't often cook meals and I would certainly not be going to do the cooking for a relative who plans to stay in my home. I want to do things my way and I would not want a anyone else to change my normal life. Tell your mom to talk to him. Your relative is becoming a parasite. Don't let him destroy the peace in your own home.
@notmuchofablogger (189)
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
He indeed has become a parasite. I remember one time when he asked money from my mother so he can go out and look for work but when I came home from school, I saw him in front of the computer and I have not seen any signs that he went out. He has not even taken a bath when I came home. Oh how I miss my old home.
I have told this to my mom but she did not say anything.
@sishy7 (27167)
• Australia
1 Feb 12
Seems to be a common thing in Asian countries where one house is rarely occupied by only an immediate family. When I lived there, I could not even stand having a lived-in maid. I am so used to share the house just with my spouse & children with all our privacies as well as house work chores. Somehow I felt awkward and did not know what to do with the lived-in maid most of the time.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
31 Jan 12
Gah! How awful for you and for your cousin's child.
My parents, when I was a teenager, took in two of my mom's cousins. they stayed for months with no indications of leaving. It was inconvenient, to say the least, but eventually they moved on. (I think to another relatives' house).
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
My goodness if given the same situation then I'd send that person out of my house immediately. I don't need an lazy dog without ethics inside my home neither . My home is no place for slothfulness and ill-mannerism and will never give any place to spend these habits I am always open to help a needful extended family. I can even share my home if necessary but the person should know how to behave and how to work as well, otherwise he will have to leave whether he likes it or not.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
I understand what you feel.
I am not also used to having relatives living at home.
Actually,one reason why I never wanted to have a househelp is, I don't like other people living with me and my family for a long time.
I am saying particularly with relatives and not my immediate family (siblings/parents)
I don't like seeing people sitting the whole day watching tv and doing nothing.
Gosh- not even my kids can do such thing huh!
Keep your cool and wish your cousin will find his way out of the door soon :p
@mhimi_viduya (140)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
Hello!
Try confronting your mom and tell her all the unfavorable things your brother is doing. Why not confront him also that he is not helping nor have the effort to look for a job.
I know you can't feel the essence of having a peaceful family since someone is irritating you.
Just ignore him as much as you can, but if his actions are still the same, that makes the situation different.
