He drinks, he smokes, he tries to kill himself.What can I do?

Hi ladysilver. My husband also smokes and drinks way too much and he just recently had to have triple bypass surgery, mostly caused by his smoking and horrible eating habits! He simply refuses to stop his bad habits. I've tried everything to make him understand that he will kill himself with his bad habits because the next time he may not get the surgery in time; he may have a massive heart attack without knowing it's coming. He simply does not care. There's only one thing you can do for these people, leave them. There's only a chance for them if we give them tough love in the form of an ultimatum: get professional help for your problems or lose me. My husband has decided that losing me is the least painful for him so I will be leaving him when I'm able. I recently saw a man in my doctor's office who was having a very hard time trying to get every breath and he was already on oxygen. He had emphysema caused by a lifetime of smoking. Your ex-boyfriend should be aware that he could very well develop emphysema himself if he continues smoking and that's an even worse fate than developing cancer. Both will kill but emphysema makes every single breath extremely hard to obtain. Maybe if he saw someone with emphysema, he'd know how bad smoking can be for him. Sadly, he has to want to get better if he even has a chance. Nothing you do will help him unless he wants to get better. Sometimes, these people just want you around for whatever you can do for them. That's exactly what my husband is doing. He wants me here to clean his clothes, prepare his meals and fix his mistakes but not to help him clean up his act. Good luck in whatever you do.

What's happening with your ex-boyfriend is really sad,but it isn't your fault and I think you should move on with your life and leave him behind for good.What would happen if all the people who finish their relationship started blackmailing their former partners like he does?I think he should understand that life doesn't end with a relationship and accept the situation,and I'm convinced that if you returned to him it would be a mistake.Anyway,you can't sacrifice yourself for his sake,you have the right to enjoy life,and your ex-boyfriend should probably resume his therapy because that's his only chance of getting better.

Your boyfriend is suffering from some kind of depression, a lot of youngsters are experiencing this nowadays,why don't you suggest to him to get some medical help? He probably locked away a lot of fears within during the period he was caring for you, and now they are all coming to the surface. It does happen you know.

Hello Ladysilver, Why do you feel that you are responsible for it? I think you must stay away from him and don't get blackmailed by him.May be this is the trick which he is trying to get closer to you again.Be careful.

I don't know but if I were you, I would leave him. I'm sorry to hear about your ex-boyfriend being like that. He doesn't have the right to threaten you and rely on you. He's a grown man, isn't he? He should be more responsible. He needs a lot of support, that doesn't mean you should be his only support. You obviously need other people's help on this one. Don't shoulder all the burden. Don't let him ruin your life. Don't feel responsible for whatever he is doing. Try to find other people who can help him. Expand his support system. Don't encourage him or show to him that you are responding to his blackmails. There is hope for him, maybe. You are helping him but he is not helping himself. That is not your fault anymore.

That's not so bad as you look on it... I think that smoking and drinking is ok, if he is good with it you should deal with it too.

Is he your ex boyfriend or is he your child? Why on earth do you feel responsible for him. He is nothing to do with you. What he does to himself is none of your business. I see the responders explaining about how he can stop smoking and I fail to see the reason for this. Why would you continue to be involved with someone who behaves as he does. Really, it seems you may be as bad as he is...he smokes and drinks, you feel responsible. What can you do? Wake up - wake up and walk away.

H i Ladysilver, there really is nothing you can do to help him. Only he can help himself. If you go back to him, he will still be doing all these things. They are HIS choice and not your responsibility. As long as you buy into his emotional blackmail then he will continue to use it on you. Why? Because it works.

If this guy is your Ex, he is not your responsibility anymore. He has no right to be guilt tripping you and blackmailing you....what he is doing is emotional abuse and you do not have to put up with it. He needs professional help....maybe you can refer him to someone who can help him, but beyond that, stop wasting and ruining your life dealing with his craziness.....sorry sounds harsh, but there is a point where you have to say enough is enough and save your own sanity!

actually no one can help him but him alone and yes your right its a total blackmail and he might be acting only so you will fell guilty and so he get you back thinking youwill fell bad if his trying to ruin his life but hey you have your life too so move on and ignore him as somehow he will be ok spcially if he can see your happy with someone else nor your happy being without him. or maybe you can tell him you are happy without him so if he love you he need to let you go rather than say i cant go on if i can see you miserable as he will think that he can use it to get you back unless you still love him.

Hi ladysilver, Thats really sad...But you can only help people who wants to help themselves...Perhaps he need to go get some therapy... I don;t feel like he is blackmailing you, I think he is really asking for help..maybe he need to go the a rehab for a while... I hope you guys figure out something....Good luck

You have to walk away!! He is responsible for his own actions! YOU are an emotional doormat. I know that sounds really harsh, but coming from someone who has been there, done that, never going back. Trust me, it is hard to walk away, but you aren't doing him any favors. If it were me, I'd say "go ahead smoke yourself silly" these are his actions not yours. Life is so short to be around people who aren't going to take responsibility for their own actions. Its the same as saying "so and so jumped off a bridge" would you follow?

well i think he is still not finished with the therapy, he needs more. no one who blackmails you is sane or thinking clearly. i'm glad he did not kill himself but he needs to still get some kind of help for himself. you can't be there for him 24/7, he should man up and act like he is wanting help for himself.