Statutory warning..I am sensitive..

The less you bother about what people say the better for you vandana. As long as there are no issues to sort out giving a deaf ear is the best for one's survival. I do that all the time.

I feel the finest thing that I have learned in life "is to read between the lines,"...and to know, WHEN or NOT to speak! Firstly, I find the friends that I do have, like you, are sensitive like ME! I treat my friends, knowing this..as fragile as I expect to be treated! BUT I can be crusty, with those I know I will NEVER give a piece of me to! There are many in this world, as I remarked to "thesids" whose mouth is in gear, and mind in neutral, oblivious to the sensitivities of their realm....like bulls in a China Shop, just blunder thru leaving carnage in their wake! To me, it is about respect! I feel, some-one lately, has tossed you a "sour lemon," and I am sorry for the inner pain it has caused you! Hopefully, you can look at the source and dust yourself off! You are kind and sensitive!

Hi Vandana! A very complicated topic.! Where do we draw lines/ Hmmm! I honestly do not know. We like to be nice and friendly and pleasant with people but ' it takes all sorts to make the world 'and this is where we fail to make proper assessments of people ; this makes us get hurt because our desire to be friendly makes people take us too much for granted and cause them to make unnecessary remarks. Some people cross their limits be cause they do not care. Many people call this unintentional and make us look "crybabies' but this is a smart cloak to hide their insensitive nature. People calling us 'cry babies' do not take too well to similar criticisms or uncalled for remarks. We cannot find out what sort of persons they are and frankly speaking, I also have realised it is a big waste of time.I too keep giving excuses for such behaviour but this only ends up in our being hurt. We cannot keep finding out the type of person someone is and try to find reasons for bad behaviour. No one has a right to hurt others , intentional or unintentional. I expect to be hurt and I try to be careful .I do not talk much with the person.This is my only precaution.If i have to I make up my mind to give an answer that befits the remark.I am not too good at thsi but I hope to get better.

Hi Brownie, Well, I can take a joke and quite a bit of getting picked on as you know. Still, I am very sensitive and sometimes people do go too far either with the picking or critical comments that aren't helpful in anyway...just out of line. I don't think it matters whether they meant to be hurtful or not. I am guessing that most of them don't mean to be hurtful but it feels the same no matter what. What do I do? Well, I don't cry in front of them. I either let it go or if it is an ongoing inssue with a person, I might say something to that person. Why? did I hurt your feelings , Brownie?

Vandi, It's difficult to draw a common boundary line for all. It happens to everyone people crossing your line unknowingly and knowingly. You can't help it and that's life isn't it so? People who cross your limits are immature including the perverts. It's better to ignore such people, they are not worth your attention and time you know.

Hi vandana Someone called me a TROLL HECK! I dont care. But there was another who joined in, a senior, and I admire the lotter.... I explained and am waiting for response. Moral - Be sensitive (is a great virtue and at the same time it is a Pain...) But then, it is all upto you how you handle it. Personally, be sensitive, but have a brain to understand that people will be people, who will not even try to understand you or the why of anything... they will just be as they are and spill out whatever they can wherever they can no matter whether they know you or not. Now if you have only a heart - you are going to be more in pain but if you have a brain too... you can segregate and keep things and sentiments under control. I believe you can call the one with only a heart as immature and the one with both (heart and brain) as mature or in this case, sensitive with a rationale. The balance or rather how one handles this sensitivity defines the sensitive or immature. Now I believe something or someone here or somewhere has hurt you! If I could be of any help

I've wondered about this same thing...especially when family says mean things.My mother often would say that she grew up listening to her mom say such things and she never took it to heart. I also see cousins and friends who take these comments in their stride. I wonder why I can't. I also know others who can't. Give respect, take respect is my motto. I suppose each one of us is wired differently and some of us are more sensitive than others. The ones who aren't don't realize how much their words or actions hurt us. Or they do it intentionally to hurt us and then expect us to just forget/forgive because they are family or friends. I don't understand how that works....but I've seen many ppl like that.

I am quite a touchy person, and people around me know that very well. But still they don't refrain from passing comments or 'jokes'. And that really confuses me.... I don't know where to draw lines... Maybe on first instance of such insensitive remarks. Because I may laugh at first with them (in spite of making an objection) but they are sure to be target of my sudden 'bursting up' sooner or later. That's why I said everyone knows I'm quite touchy. Now analyzing this, I could have handled these situations in better manner so as I come out as 'rational' one instead of too sensitive. But I fail every time, and surely that makes you feel guilty. I let them push the limits and then they just get intolerable, still it's me who is at loss in the end. For the two incidents you told about, I don't think any decision taken or reaction given by you was wrong. Maybe you should just tell them that their behaviour shows them in quite poor light... really how do people find these remarks so funny?? In the end, a note on accidental cases.... one of my friends had features like a chess knight piece... hmmm... horse-like features, and everyone found it soooo funny. They never missed a chance to tease him. (Especially his room-mate whose humorous attitude I liked and who could be the most unintentional insensitive person I've ever met.) Whatever, I made it a point to never take part in such humiliating remarks and that's why this particular person trusted me. One day, with everyone present, I asked him innocently something something. Unfortunately, this something something was not so innocent in the context, and a fresh round of 'jokes' took place. My friend was stunned. Some people egged him that I too had started to tease him at last. Given the constant harassment he faced those days, he could have done anything harsh, justifiably. But he just cooled down, and said he knew me well. That my question was indeed innocent, if wrong-timed. Wow! If only I too could control my urges like that in my weak moments! I apologized anyway, personally. But the thing here is he COULD differentiate. As always, I don't know my response is relevant or not, still I go ahead as I surely do matter here Could have added more of blah blah but then I may loose my post. So here....

You do your best, you hope the person understands, sometimes it doesn't work out....

Hello Vandana, A very relevant post indeed. This is undoubtedly difficult to judge people's sensitivity at one sitting. Your level of sense of humour might not be the same as that of mine. What you consider serious I may not. Besides there are cultural nuances too. Usually I understand a person from his/her input in his/her post. The choice of vocabulary and the construction of sentence itself reflects the bearing of the person. Two to three encounters would suffice to clean the dish.

This is difficult to answer for many reasons. The biggest reason, though, is that the "lines" tend to be fluently moving and often blurry. One day a person might take something as a joke (the way it was intended), and the next day if the very same person said the exact same words in the exact same manner, the person might be offended or get his or her feelings hurt. Why is this? It is because our moods change, things happen in our lives, and the way we relate to things keeps changing. Therefore, all we can do is to do our best to keep from hurting or offending others while trying to keep in perspective what others are saying, especially when we are feeling vulnerable.

Different people has different opinion and thoughts on other people's verbal wording in communication. We react differently and interpret the meaning in different ways. So, if I knew my friend long enough, I knew what I should say, and what I should not say to him to avoid misunderstanding. That is how I should communicate with my friends. As to strangers, I would choose my word carefully and not to offend anyone.

It depends on how much of influence this is on your life, your own feelings. If you are able to shut it off also it's a good thing.

That is what makes us unique. I am a sensitive type as well and I just got my heart bruised tonight. I think that it also has to do with the mood we are in. I know of times when someone said something and I didnt like it I felt bad. Then other times it does not bother me. It has alot to do with timing as well.

I'm also sensitive that I easily get hurt or affected, though it depends on why I got hurt or affected. Perhaps they had said something that irritates me or an insult or maybe things that would offend. I could feel if what they are talking or doing pertains me so I would be affected. Sensitive maybe that we could easily sense that there must be something wrong that affects us.

I am the opposite as you. You are totally sensitive, and I'm actually pretty insensitive. I like making jokes. I try not make them at other's expense, and if I do, I make sure they are the type of person to not take it personally or say "just kidding" afterwards. If someone is making a joke, I don't think you should take it all that personally just because they were trying to make you laugh.

I am the same way. I'm way too sensitive and care way too much about what others think. i'm working on being more positive and not letting things get to me so much. The problem is, my dad , whom I am very cose with, tends to say things that he thinks are funny, when they're actually very far from , and borderline mean. He tries to say he's joking, but it comes off as putting me down. Then he tells me I'm too sensitive. I really don't have any advice for you since I'm in the same situation. It's hard for me to tell whether I'm being a crybaby, or if the other person is being rude.