love vs future
By jenn88
@jenn88 (57)
Philippines
February 28, 2012 11:23am CST
I'm torn between two things in my life right now. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the last 7yrs. And now I have to decide wheter or not to continue this relationship or end it for my future. You see I'm not a big fan of a long distance relationship, I'm more of a here n now gf.. So, I said. I shud end it... But it has reach to a point where i cnt seem to let him go, though we are frends but stil the feeling is there, 7yrs is no joke, I'm thinking of having him back, but my logical mind, the realistic one, says, I should move on n let go. But my heart says, I shud keep him n keep moving forward wit him. But I'm leaving for a job and his staying behind...
Help!
I cnt seem to make up my mind..
Between going n leaving him behind OR staying n be wit him???
Isn't it selfish of me to just think of myself.. He wasted 7yrs wit me, for nothing?? What to do?? I'm confused.. N in turmoil about this... Help..
I'd apreciate it if ud give some advce.. I'm a new to this leaving behind thing.. Or moving forward...
1 person likes this
11 responses
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
Well, if you really love that person why don't let him to go? Both of you survive the 7 years period of test and now you want to give up. I don't think the meaning of love is something like that. What I know about love was being grow fonder as many trials that suppose to come and go...
Just think many times, my friend. If there is no reason for you give up why don't you let that love suddenly ended? If the person whom you love, and loves you as well. Why don't you decide to go and live alone. Long distance or whatever that reason. Love still the same...because love is not define as hate and weak...
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
3 Mar 12
It's decision, my friend. Because if you feel being free if you ended it much better.
I am thinking about my relationship to let go. But I need to do something first before I let the woman to let go. Because I don't want to suffer alone since she ruin my life for entire 10 years...It's enough for me to forgive her and forget everything but she need to feel the same bitterness and pain that I suffered a lot...
@jenn88 (57)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
i have thought about this a thousand times... it took me years just to voice this out... n yes.. 7 yrs is 7 long years.. for us to be just in a relationship.. n yet, people chnge though i love him.. but somehow,. we gotta move forward... if we are ment to be... then someday we would cross paths den we will know... thanks for the advice.. appreciate it :D
@almightybong (186)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
That is a problem indeed. The way I see it, a sacrifice has to be made, but it doesn't mean you have to give your job or your boyfriend. I think the sacrifice you need to make is to risk having a long-distance relationship. It could just be temporary, who knows what's gonna happen in the future? My suggestion, talk to your boyfriend. If he can't come along then make him understand that there is an opportunity you cannot miss. I'm sure he'll understand. But you don't need to break up with him. I know you're not a fan of long distance relationships but this is a sacrifice that you need to make. Take your job and keep your boyfriend. See if it works out. If it does, then good on you. If it doesn't, then at least you can tell yourself that you have at least tried and make an effort to keep the relationship.
Just because we are not comfortable of doing things doesn't mean it's not going to work. Love is hard work, and by that I mean it should be able to withstand any storm you are faced with, be it time or distance. Technology makes it easier nowadays. I guess that how much effort you put on it will define your relationship with your boyfriend. Compromise is the key, not ending the relationship.
Keep us posted with whatever decision you come up with. We'll be here helping you out in our own way. Cheers!
@galeys (24)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
thank you bong for your welcome.
jenn, you are in a mutual relationship. loving with no commitments, more than friends but less than lovers...and i am no fan of romantic blues, i just said base on past experience and what i feel i should do if i were in same situation.
at the end of the day, you still follow your heart on what is best for you and congratulations!!!
@jenn88 (57)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
We tried it already once.. I was being optimistic then about LDR, long distance relationship.. I said that we can do it... But the problem started when he doesn't have enough time for me anymore.. I have considered a great deal already.. The only time I asked of him.. Is that hed call me at night.. Dats all.. Like 30mins call or less.. Fine wit me.. That didn't even happen.. He said that he is always busy n always sleepy... Yes.. I have given him a lot of chnces already.. But then at that moment I feel like m having a relationship wit only me.. Myself.. Or that my bf is a ghost.. I tried to divert my mind in everything.. I go out wit frends.. Shop a lot.. Read a lot.. But at the end of the day.. I still feel so alone.. Then.. We fought, we argued.. N in the end.. I broke up wit him... For like 1month we didn't talk or txt or email.. Den by november he came home.. Saying he didn't mean those things he said n that he want me back.. Since I so missed him.. I didn't mind it anymore.. So u see.. If we wud go on wit this LDR.. Its either we part ways wit grudges, so help me god, I don't want that.. Or, now.. Before we part we end it n be frends?? He said that he still wants me..but our future is blik..
That's it!!! I have it!!! We wud be frends n not lovers!! Yes!! That's it!! In a way I stil have him but as a frend, n won't part ways wit hate in our hearts!! N in a way,, in directly I cud stil care for him.. But only as a frend!!! That's it!!!!!
Thank u so much!!!!!!! My loties!!!!!!! That's to u.. For opening my mind to things!!!!! God!! Its a relief!!! Thanks a lot.. :) mhuah
@GbSb19 (26)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
Don't be afraid of the future. If you love him, don't leave him. He should be the one more concerned about the future right? You should stay with him with good job and good business. If you don't love him anymore because it's 7 years and romantic moments are gone, then go for the trill of adventure of your dreams. You should choose what you really love.
@jenn88 (57)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
its the "whats next" i guess is wat im afraid of... basically my future... there where times... when i just fell out of love with him., but since we were still studying i tot maybe its the stress of school and all.. and there where times as well that i love.. we laugh alot, smile n joke n u know those funny things we do... i know in a relationship it isnt always has to be happy... coz., when u love u also shud be ready to get hurt... its closely realted to love... so thanks... apreciate the advce :D
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
28 Feb 12
sounds to me you already made up your mind plus your relationship is already over. The only thing that is stopping you at the moment is the fact you have been together for 7 years.
But face it.. nothing happend those 7 years, you will build a future elsewhere and he won't come with you. So start your new life, give yourself and him a chance to build up something new. You are both waisting your time if you go on. See those years as a great life experience.
@jenn88 (57)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
Ur right about one thing.. I have come 2 consider the years... Not only dat.. I have come 2 consider him... The totality of him... As I say.. I don't have any say as to how he is as a boy friend... But times change and people do chnge though I love him but sometimes love isn't the only thing that can make me survive in this world... Thanks for saying this.. But that's exactly what I have been thinking when I'm thinking about this situation I'm in.. Thanks a lot... :)
@galeys (24)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
what you are thinking maybe is that the long distance wont work. give it a chance. to split just because you are leaving is not a good reason to end love...let the situation take you to where the relationship should be. give it a chance dont judge the future...let the long distance situation decide what will happen next and let this chance be the test of how strong your love are for each other. love knows no boundaries. and if absence makes the heart grow fonder, it also makes the heart forget, and with that, at least you give it a try and will not wonder of the many "what if's" in life, or the "what could have been", or "what might have been". spare yourself from wondering, live for now and just let tomorrow take care of itself.
@almightybong (186)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
Exactly! Wow, can't say it any better than that. Welcome to myLot, galeys!
@jenn88 (57)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
U said it right n straight to the point... For a person who loves to read romance n etc.. I would say its so romantic.. But the realist in me would say.. Time is of the esence.. I cnt dwell any more on wat if.. Or should have been.. But ur right.. Live for the moment as they say.. Ill think about this.. N all other things u myloties have said.. Thanks a lot.. :)
@magester1 (148)
• Argentina
29 Feb 12
What's the reason why you're leaving him? Is it really that important of a job, it's for a job, right?
How does he feel about it? Have you two talked about it?
I do feel seven years is a very long time, and just throwing something like that away is such a shame. However, you should have known you were looking for better opportunities when you two first started dating, then perhaps you wouldn't have to hurt him today.
@jenn88 (57)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
we were naive and all we could think about at that time was love,. pupie love.. and we never expected that we would go this far.. somehow.., we just go with the flow and flowing we did, he is who he is and that is what i love about him.. but indirectly, im becoming more and more facing forward to my future.. that job is not just a job.. its the factor thats gonna judge the outcome of it all.. so maybe being frends wit him, wont make the fall so bad.. in a way we are still connected but in a way also,. we are not commited wit each oder., n i know someday if he is ready or when im ready to.. then maybe... who knows... fate has its twist... but thanks... appreciate it :D
@eunife (165)
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
you may leave without breaking up with him. you may not be a fan of long distance relationship but you might be surprised that you can keep one. you never know. maybe being away from him would make you realize that you really love him and you'll run back to his arms ... or ... it may make you realize that you were right to let him go. you keep a relationship not because of time and memories you spent together but but because the love that binds you for the future and you know in your heart that life is nothing without him.
i was once stuck in a relationship because i tried to treasure 5 years together. but at the 6th year, there was nothing i could do. love wasn't there anymore. we parted and then i met another man. now, we are living apart for the first time. i thought i could do it but it's making me insane for some reason that is far from my comprehension. i realized, i want to be with him. So now, i'm leaving my job so i can go back to be with him and i look forward to live with him for better or for worse ... forever.
goodluck!
@jenn88 (57)
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
Maybe breaking up is hursh and so untimely.. We did tried, once, last year to be exct.. He worked outside the country.. And wat happened was, we fight a lot, we argue on small things, I misjudge him most of the time.. Or misunderstood him.. I miss him so badly that I cnt see way pass what he is doing.. I just wanted him back and I mean back for good.. When he didn't, we faught n we sort of like drifted apart... The longer he stayed the longer the gap is, den he decided to come home for good... Then we make up.. Then I told him that, wen either of u wud leave the other.. We need 2 end this relationship... Coz, I don't want 2 lose him.. I'd rather that he wud be my frend dan just another XBF... In a way we stil have each oder, but no comitments n no expectations... But now.. I cnt seem to take one step... I'm stuck.. With going back to him or going forward... LDR, is hard.. N dey say if u love him, ud set him free... But I cnt lose him.. :(..
Thanks for the comment.. :) appreciate it a lot
@stringer321 (5644)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
28 Feb 12
Maybe you can sit with yourself and look what you will need in your life : If you will need a lot of money and he can't help you with it , you better find someone else who can ...Or you can find a better job that can help you to stay with him.
Maybe you want to live with someone that you love and then you will maybe have to sacrifice some material needs but you will still be happy.
Some people tell us what we need like our parents , family members , society , and it makes us confused. We then need to make our priorities in life and see what is the best plan to do them.
I'm sorry , jenn , but , I have no experience in this kind of problem.
I hope you will get some more specific tips and advices here , have a nice mylotting.
@vt689586 (584)
• India
28 Feb 12
well i think you should continue with your love because it also gives you some power to make your future bright.this condition comes in everyone's life and the main decision is dependent upon you only.if you love that guy really so much then why want end your relationship.may in future you achieve your aim but if your love will not with you then for whom you working this hard.Use your love as power. this will help you lot.
@jenn88 (57)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
I hvae asked those questions to myself too..... So far I couldn't answer them.. I also asked them to my mom... She gave me advices... But in the end she said dat it will be up to me... N still I cnt decide.. :( he doesn't give me power over him.. But he gives me the motivation I need... Mybe ur right about one thing... Wat if I have achieved my goals.. He won't be around for me to share it wit him... Again.. Questions that needs answering.. Thanks a lot.. Will consider this.. :)
@olliekobra1 (1825)
•
13 Mar 12
I wonder if you could sit down and tell him how you feel, maybe he will stay with you and you can have the best of both worlds its worth a try. Maybe if he refuses to go with you the decision was his and not yours and you can move on but hopefully he will pick to stay with you.
good luck.
@constancenunn (72)
• United States
28 Feb 12
well, it seems as though you have some really strong feelings for this man. I know that sometimes relationships can be a bit tough at times, especially long distance love. Is it any kind of way you both can live in the same city? I know sometimes you might feel loney. but, talk to him about living in the same city or just do the right thing that you think is best for you. Be honest about how you really feel with him.
@jenn88 (57)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
I do have strong feeling s for him.. But right now.. Its in turmoil... He is like, we cud say, the 1st in everything... 1st love, 1st bestfrend.. 1st all.. N he understands more than I think he should... He is to damn good for me... I have no reason 2 break up wit him if it comes 2 character... But a whole lot of other reason wen it comes 2 my future... He is going 2 work somewer on the east n I'm going 2 work somewer on the west... We are from one end of the world to the other.. I don't think he will give it up just 2 be wit me on the same city... But ill keep this advice in 2 consideration n would talk 2 him... Thanks :)
