Family members who only call when they want something! How do you deal?
By ersmommy1
@ersmommy1 (12588)
United States
February 29, 2012 11:19am CST
Both of my elderly grandfathers were pretty much non existent while I was growing up. My maternal grandfather thinks girls are a nuisance..made comments about women drivers, etc. Now my paternal grandfather didn't have much use for me or my siblings until we were married. He absolutely loves my hubby. And now both of them call and ask to see him. This usually ends in him performing some shore for them. The maternal grandfather doesn't ask after me or my kids..in fact won't even look at my son..who he hasn't seen since he was 9 months old. Since they decided to continue calling my cell, I individualized my phone rings. When one of them calls the ring now says loudly " No one important is calling..don't answer the phone" I just wish they wouldn't bother my husband. How would you deal with this?
4 people like this
11 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
29 Feb 12
I would flat out tell them if, as your grandfathers they have no respect for you enough to even say a hello how do you do, that they should not use your husband to do their bidding. That you are a person too, and regardless of how they may feel of you as a woman, times have changed and one day they will regret not ever having anything to do with you.
2 people like this
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
29 Feb 12
I couldn't agree more. It's like, ok we are old now..come do blah blah. I figure if you want to be respected when you are elderly, then live life respecting and being kind then it won't matter that you are old,,just what kind of person you are.
1 person likes this
@vt689586 (584)
• India
29 Feb 12
well it is really very difficult to handle this kind of person who contact you only when they have in trouble and after that they did not try to contact.that kind of person really very greedy in nature.and i ignores him like they ignored me before their problems when they were no problem in their life.so why i take care of that kind of person.
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
29 Feb 12
I think that I would be honest with them. I would tell them that they were not a part of your life while you were growing up and still do not seem to have much interest in you. I guess that if you need the money, then you could tell them that they can start paying your husband to do these chores ... with the money up front, of course. Otherwise, I would tell them to stop bothering you and your family.
1 person likes this
@Metatronik (6199)
• Pasay, Philippines
1 Mar 12
Good thing you made the right decision. I am totally pissed off with those people as well whoever calls if they just want something. In my case I really used to please other people but then I realized that I am becoming stupid for doing that. So I don't force myself to them anymore and I don't like talking to them.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
29 Feb 12
Likes like that would drive me crazy. Some of my family members use to be like that. Now they have gotten better. I had to learn to say no a lot and fast. Some times I would wonder if they would think that I was a doctor or something because I was always being asked for money. Which of course I didn't have and if I did have any it needed to be used for bills,etc. But I'm thankful that things have become so much better.
@mariab2000 (740)
• Canada
1 Mar 12
I have a few family members who only called when they needed something. I think in these situations you have to be very firm with them and say no to them other wise they'll take advantage of you and this sort of behavior will never end. I think that you and your husband should also say no in a firm way to them but not in an angry or quarreling way. Just say that you have other things to do and won't be able to help out. They are taking advantage of your husband's niceness and making him do chores. If they don't stop then you should voice your opinions and if they feel bad then let them because it doesn't look like that they care about you, your family or your feelings. so, let them be and don't bother about them...
1 person likes this
@yanzalong (18988)
• Indonesia
1 Mar 12
To me personally, that does not matter if they can only ring me up to tell me about something. Why does it matter to you when they can only phone? Maybe they are too busy to come and see you in person.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
1 Mar 12
I think if we dig dig deep enough into our family skleton closets, we will find a family member or two that only call you or come to visit you when they need some kind of favor from you. All you can do is help out if you can and go on with your life. if you let it bother you then you could miss out on something important in life. the bitterness would not be worth it.
@marieandtim (99)
• United States
1 Mar 12
dont give them anything i stopped talking to a cousin 3 years ago i helped him all the the he lived with me and my mom then me and my ex husband the one time i needed something he wouldent help so that was it.
@giggles721 (275)
• Philippines
1 Mar 12
I wouldn't tolerate that ersmommy1. I might be okay with it if it was occasional like during summer breaks or Christmas but making it a constant call for your husband is not good. It may be because they're old, getting sentimental and all but they shouldn't be bypassing your presence.
If I were in your shoes I might make excuses about not being available but it would sound cruel. If you have the guts to tell them the truth about how you feel, it would be better.
