How to Conduct miser?

Vietnam
February 29, 2012 10:43pm CST
We're colleagues in an office. We often buy drink for each others on weekend or getting salary occasion. We rotate to buy drink. However, she never do that. She never invite us anything. But she'll agree quickly to choose kinds of drink if I or other colleagues invite her. I very hate her. At first, I'm always happy to invite her. But now, I don't want to invite her anything. But I can't do that. Probably I invite other colleagues but I don't invite her? It's difficult for me and my colleagues. What should I do?
2 people like this
2 responses
@whiteheron (4222)
• United States
2 Mar 12
First off, hating her is hurting you... I would suggest that you perhaps look at things from another viewpoint... What would it be like to be her? Does she have the money to buy drinks? I know that she makes it but what or who is taking up her money? Does she have someone like a mother or husband or children that are demanding that she pay them or does she have more rental costs or make less than you do? I must admit, it sounds to me that you gave without fully intending to give. There were strings in your giving. You thought that she would feel obligated to repay you and you are angry that she did not meet that obligation... That is frankly not a good way to give. It sets you up to feel like a victim when actually you did make a choice to give. This type of giving with strings is not generous giving... There would be no desire for repayment with generous giving... There are a few possibilities... 1.) She does not have the funds to pay for drinks and yet wants to be in your company and in the company of other colleagues. She may be too embarrassed to admit her financial problems and may hope that you all will be understanding without her telling you her situation. She may not know what to do about this situation. How does she enjoy your company when she does not have the money to do so? It is a tough situation to be in... 2.) She may not understand social norms. Perhaps no one has told her what is expected of her in this situation. She may have had parents and others who have always paid her way and may think that is how it should be for her. She may need someone to tell her otherwise in a very kind but firm way. Sounds like you might want to tell her how you are feeling: "I must admit that I am getting angry. I have been paying for drinks for you and so have others been inviting you for drinks but you do not invite me or anyone else out for drinks...Is there a reason why not? I don't understand. Please explain to me why not?" "I don't think that it is fair for you not to pay for drinks too. I am trying to be understanding. Can you please tell me why you never offer to pay for any of our drinks after we paid for so many for you? "You may not have noticed it but we all take turns paying for everyone else. We are wondering why you have not taken any turn at paying when we have so many times. Could you pick up the tab next week?" (Give her time to come up with the funds prior to you asking her to pay. Don't do that on the same day you confront her unless you are very sure of her financial condition and that of her family.)
@sharay (2769)
• India
1 Mar 12
very simple..when she can be that rude to you, you have every right to revert back...just dont invite her, thats it...r u being rude to the person who loves you or cares for you, no right, then why should you feel guilty in showing her what she is?
• Vietnam
2 Mar 12
It's uncomfortable when there is a person like her in this office! Drinking is only a small thing about her. I can't believe! I wish I can work at an other room
1 person likes this