Tough Life - Am I going to give up?

When a person has been independent most of their life and then due to illness and old age they lose their independence it's very hard for them to accept, I think, so I don't think it's you personally she doesn't like it's just the situation she is in that she really resents. I commend you for being a care taker, it is not an easy job and requires a lot of patience. I probably will look after my parents too when they need it, as they are becoming quite old now too and it will be hard because they are both very independent and have always look after one another. When the day comes for me to care for them, I hope I can be as patient and caring as you seem to be with your relative. Good Luck to you, my lot , friend.

I think that she is envious that you are able to do for her what she once did for herself. She wishes she could do it again, and is angered at her condition for not allowing her to do it for herself. I don't think she hates you, I am sure she loves you and appreciates it but wishes that she could do it for herself. Just keep on helping her and smiling, and maybe if it's possible giving her a little more independence and freedom, it will make her feel better to atleast try to do for herself again.

I am not in the position to judge the person. But given the circumstances, that person might be feeling bad for herself and just doesn't want to show it. She might not be used to being helped. But I think that you should be patient and continue whatever you are doing because in the end, you will be blessed for it.

Hi neelia_lyn, You are a great person to give up your time to help someone in need. I would not take it to heart some times when a person gets unwell its hard for them to let someone try to care for them you have to remenber this person had a life before they got unwell and they where able to look after themselfs it must be hard for them. This person knows your only trying to help and deep down thry love you for that. all the best my friend and welldone for being a good soul.

Sick people feel depressed more than you do, especially if their condition is not getting any better. Worse, they are irritable most of their waking hours. If there are people who deserve our utmost understanding, it's them. Be patient and bear with her tantrums. I know it's very difficult, I've been there and I've been that. Believe in in the Law of Karma...you will be rewarded for being helpful to the sick. I truly appreciate what you do to others.

I can believe this! How can someone accept your help and be shameless on criticizing you... It's time to let someone take your place, you are SUCH A GOOD PERSON! For even helping in the first place, now when it ends up hurting you your answer is to be good to you. We can do whatever we can for people but we have limits, see if you are not almost breaking yours and do what's best for you. I did volunteer in elderly home but I stopped when I had to go walking and the home was in a terrible neighborhood. I won't risk my self until then.

I find its hard to accept help, as its easy to feel your a burden to the other person. When I came home from the hospital I was suppose to stay in bed and it certainly wasn't easy for me, as my husband had to bring me whatever I needed. I tried to ask for everything needed at one time, so he wouldn't have to make lots of trips. The only times I could get out of bed was to the bathroom and I had to have help just getting out of bed. Your doing a great job helping and think this person may have felt a little like me me. Its hard to feel so needy.

Even though I haven't been in a similar situation as you are in now, I kind of have a very clear idea of what you're going through. I don't think her sickness has affected her thinking or anything. As a matter of fact, I think she's clearly knows what she's doing. One possible thing is she's frustrated about the state she's in and she venting all that frustration to you. People sometimes do this and it really tests the patience of the one taking care of them. You just really need to have more patience. I'm sorry if I couldn't give much helpful advice. Well, the other option is for you to stop caring and helping her which I think you don't want to do.

yes maybe her condition contributes to her mood swings. sometimes people say the other way around so don not be discourage if she is showing not to like you. God has a purpose why you are with her and i know that you know that she needs you. god bless your kind heart.

No, don't give up my friend because she needs you. As you have said there's no one among your relatives were available to assist her, but you. Your doing the right thing, it's more unacceptable if other people who is not related to her does what your doing. Maybe it's true, her thinking might had been effected because of her illness. Sometimes being sick and and feeling helpless also affects our judgement.

To many it will be hard to realize that that they are not able to do themselves what they could do before. Still.. there are plenty of (seriously) ill people who do respect the ones who are helping out, are not always picking on them and are thankfull and happy with the help and attention. I think if you help out someone you should do it by heart otherwise it's useless. I also strongly believe you have to be honest to yourself and that person. Tell her that if she does not change her attitude you will not longer help her out. No matter if she is relatived or not. Just make that announcement and don't let yourself pulled into any discussion about that. See next days how she will respond on you. If not positive stay away. There is no need to get depressed and sick just because of one person, it's not worth it. BTW if you want you can always find an excuse for bad behaviour!

For me, your having a test. Allowing yourself to be able to help with somebody is a very extra ordinary Human Being coz you gave up some daily task just to focus your attention to a sick person. Few people will do that and your one of them. Its like a good deed, rendering your services to your relatives and even though the fact she didn't like you, it is challenging situation. You took care of her not against your will, wondering why she's so mean. Maybe because she feel helpless and she cannot do the daily living alone. She was desperate of losing he life that's why she doesn't want to bother anyone because of her situation.

don't give up on her despite of the things she do to you. and i'm pretty sure that you will be given a hundred folds of blessings cause god sees your kind heart. and be grateful that once in your life you were with here there to accompany her. and you have memories to cherish with her cause life is too short.

Doesn't sound like resentment. Sounds like embarrassment. She used to be able to do these things before, now she needs help. If she cooks different, see if she wants to help you cook. Or if she made a great dish that you always looked forward too ask her if she can help you make it one day. This way she still feels like shes is in control- if she says its good for a copy- make a joke out of it. Like can't beat the original. Believe me she does appreciate everything you do for her. I'm sure you already do- but include her in things. Like she dusts and you vacuum,etc. Its not easy. But just know you're helping someone out- when everyone else turned their backs.

Hi, She doesn't hate you resent you at all. I think what she is experiencing makes her frustrated and despise herself, so she gets grumpy. Deeply down, she knows you are doing goods things for her. Many patients who experience such situations loose control of their temper as well. So don't take it personally. You are doing a very good thing. And you have to find inner peace and be patient with her.

Her condition interfere with her judgement, that may well is the reason she seem to provoke you all the time, when a person is in a bad physical and mental condition, her thinking can be affected by that alone, she may not be able to think clearly because of her sickness. I for one will not give up on her, as the going get tough, the tough get going. Think of all these help and good you do to her after she fell sick, even though she may not appreciate that due to her ill condition, you should not take it too personal, instead you should continue to care for her just like you want to be care for by your relative when you get sick next time. All these good you did for her will no doubt be pay back to you when your turn come in the future.

i am in a similar situation and first of all remember that in your act of kindness god sees your effort even if she does not appriciate it. and god will reward you greatly, i live next door to an 80 year old man, who his family never came to see him so i befriended him and took him food, and then i finally got intouch with his son and now he comes sometimes and sees him which im thankful for, but he does not come as often as he should, and that bothers me, i guess he dont realize he is gonna get old one day too.. but becasue they know i check on him they come less which is not right.. i check on him every day, and go places with him try to get him out took him walking, fishing, and such and then there is the off days that his memory gets bad and he thinks i did something to aggirvate him and accuses me of doing stuff, like he said i broke into his house one day, and i did not he got mad at me told his son that and did not speak to me for 2 days.. and he has been doing that alot latley, so my friend suggested that i back off some and let him come to me if he wants something, so tha tis kinda what im doing, if i dont check om him i will have the neighbor kids check on him for me.. he is a nice guy, but my husband does not like him because he hit on me and came out and told me he wanted me.. so i was aftraid for awhile then i realiuzed he is 80 and harmless.. anyhow lately i have left him alone and he has done just fine. he knows where im at if he needs me, and i hate to admit it but it feels good to n ot feel responsible for anyone but me... i think you need a break as well, it will drive you crazy see if there is someon else who can help out, reach out and get help before it gets you down hun.. good luck im praying now for you..

I think your relative should be grateful with the help that you are offering to her. You're doing well and having enough patience as well. May be her behaviour is due to the illness she is suffering and she is unable to appreciate your help.

I would say that you will not give up because no matter the reason to think that way but helping others always gives us peace of mind. The job you are doing right now is your will and you are doing that without expecting anything in return and that is what keeps you going in any circumstances. Hope you keep up the good work and in today's world there are only a few people as good hearted as you ! Good Day !

I think alot of it has to do with the person having to accept the fact that they need help doing things they once did with ease. I clean for my elderly uncle and he used to act that way toward me, but after a while he opened up and let me know how much he appreciated it and we've become more like good friends. Trust me it's worth it especially if your the only one helping it means alot to the person.