son's girlfriend
@angelwithkids (1256)
United States
March 1, 2012 11:35pm CST
i give my son a lot of credit for dating a girl that has a baby. he shows her the same respect that he shows all his girlfriends. however, her parents are always asking me if it's ok for my son to come over and stay the night. how many ways can i say NO. i trust my son completely. i know for sure that he's not going to do anything, but he doesn't need to be put in a compromising position. he understands where i am coming from. i'm looking out for his best interest. he's only 16, he doesn't need this. it's just getting very annoying that they can't accept my answer and leave it alone. we've allowed him to go over there to spend time with her and her family. we've allowed her and her son to come over here and spend time with us. they have only been dating for three weeks now. why rush everything???
2 people like this
9 responses
@sishy7 (27167)
• Australia
2 Mar 12
Some families let their children to grow up too fast such as perhaps in your son's girlfriend's case. Just because they are seeing each other now, her family may assume that your family have the same values as they are. What is considered ok in their family, they assume it would be allright with you. I suppose you just have to change their assumptions and make them understand your stand. May not be easy, but perhaps with time it will all be sorted out.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
2 Mar 12
exactly. i've had some interaction with them. not to sound snobbish, but i did let it be known that i hold my children to be responsible for their actions and i hold a very high standard for them-in which they reach. but when it comes down to it, i just try to make sure they know what's right and what's wrong. her parents have already told me how much they adore my son due to how he's so well mannered and easy going. i've sit down with my son and talked about him with added responsibilities of being a teenage parent. he told me that he has more respect for her because she's trying to do right for her son. he made my heart sing. he's proved to me that he's a GREAT man.
1 person likes this
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
3 Mar 12
he's made me so proud of him and the decisions he's making. i'm so glad that i did something right in life. they are my pride and joy in life.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
6 Mar 12
i found out the reason they were asking, the dad has had eye surgery and was wanting my son to help him aound their property. i can understand that my son would love to help them out, but i had to make them understand that he can help out once his own chores are done. he doesn't need to stay overnight to help out. we'll see how long that will last.
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
2 Mar 12
I hate when you say no and people just don't understand, I mean they know what NO means right? That's indeed really annoying and as they are like this how about you to say now also: Don't ask me again?
It's just not polite to insist, or they are really stupid wich I'm sure it's not the case.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
2 Mar 12
it just amazes me how it's the parents that keep asking. who does that???? i've allowed my kids to stay the night with other friends and with family members, but not with girl/boy friends. i pray that they'll see the light and quit asking me.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
4 Mar 12
I think you are absolutely right. Sometimes it has nothing to do with not trusting your son because some people can be very convincing, why take the chance? I would not put my son in that situation either. It would probably be very difficult to say no if he really cares for her. I would think they would not want their daughter to be in that position either but I guess every parent is different... I would not let my daughter have another boy sleep over if she already got pregnant and had a child. What do you think is going to happen? If they don't think it could happen again they are either really dumb or very naive.
I absolutely agree with you that they should not rush things. Your son does not need that kind of responsibility at his age...
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
6 Mar 12
my son has reassured me that he isn't ready for this kind of relationship. we had the opportunity to spend a day with her and her family. she seems to have her head on straighter. she has set goals for herself and for her son. so i'm thinking that she's learned a very valuable lesson, just had to learn it the extreme hard way. i just don't want him to get a reputation that he doesn't need.
@Mashnn (4501)
•
2 Mar 12
You are doing the right thing by protecting your son, he is only 16 years old and can be influenced easily when it comes to decision making. Many parents would not accept their teenager boys to have relationship with a girl who has a child. I think it is very reasonable if the girl's family would give you a break or live you alone.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
2 Mar 12
thank you for understanding. i can't always protect him, but i'm doing my best to make sure he can think for himself and think things through.
@beenice2 (2967)
• Sackville, New Brunswick
2 Mar 12
What an awkard position he is in, my opinion about what you've written is, I would tell my son to back off, at 16, if the family put presser on him like that. I would tell him to reanalyze the situation, and keep his distance. He is frankly not ready to get married and he need to be mentally, emotionally,and financially prepared to be able to take care of a family , but not at 16. If the girls side put some pressure on him already like that, he is not done.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
3 Mar 12
he's actually been very good about the whole situation. i'm very glad that he's willing to talk to me about the whole deal. even he's told me that he's not ready for that next step. he just wants to get to know her and her son better and just have plain old fashion fun, playing card games, video games, watching movies. he's even told me that he's not ready for that kind of relationship. he makes me so proud! :)
@bhonti (1246)
• Philippines
2 Mar 12
Some families have different value from other families. Clearly,the girlfriend's family is a bit more liberated than your family. If that is the case, then there is no problem if it stays that way. They should respect your decision, he is your son, and as a parent, it is your responsibility to look after him at all times. For me, he is also too young to sleep with his girlfriend.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
2 Mar 12
exactly. if they choose to raise her that way, more power to them. but i choose not to raise my kisd that way, more power to me. i respect their choices, they need to respect mine.
@Glitznglitter (389)
• Canada
2 Mar 12
I understand where your coming from and especially since the baby she has is not his baby. Did the parents allow the baby daddy to stay over for the night? Maybe they are being to lenient in their household rules.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
3 Mar 12
according to her mother, she didn't know what her daughter was doing. so that makes me believe that the girl was being manipulated by this boy or she thought she was old enough to make that decision. from what i've seen with this girl, i believe the latter. she definitly speaks her mind.
@Caitiebaby (20)
•
2 Mar 12
Your doing the right thing! Just stand your ground for as long as you can. There is going to come a time when you wont be able to have control over situations like this. This has nothing to do with not trusting your son, like you said. You see the whole picture and would like to avoid any possible situations. Im glad your son understands and that it isnt a problem between the two of you. For some reason parents allow their children to put them selves in situations that are not age appropiate. There isnt a need to rush things, that is just asking for trouble!
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
3 Mar 12
thank you for understanding. his girlfriend hung out with us this afternoon. whether i was to hear this or not, she's upset that some of her "friends" are calling her names. she was mad and i'm thinking that she's more hurt than mad. when she went home, son and i talked again. he told me the reasons why he likes this girl, none of his reasons had to do with him thinking that she's "easy". i love my son! :)
