Widowed father engaged already

Your father might be a bit jealous that your brother is getting this attention when he's planning a wedding also. I remember when I was pregnant with my first son my mother also thought she was pregnant with her 4th. At first she was mad at me for being pregnant instead of happy for me, and I think it was jealousy because it would steal her attention. Turned out she was not pregnant, she was going through menopause. As for your father's engagement.. all I can say is it's his life to choose how he wants to live it. He might be making a big mistake here rushing into things, but he is a grown man and has lived a lot more than you have. He's perfectly capable of making decisions and mistakes on his own, and if it is a mistake perhaps he'll learn a lesson. Although you miss your mom and don't want this new woman taking her place, you should still respect your father's decision and be happy for his happiness for as long as it lasts. As for the rest of his behavior.. now this is just an uneducated guess, but it's possible he's dealing with some anger, depression, frustration, and a whole slew of other emotions at his loss and he's taking it out on you and your siblings in the wrong way. Being a guy, he was probably never told it's okay to have these emotions that he's feeling, so he's trying to bottle them up and lock them away, which is impossible. In men, these emotions tend to come out as anger, so he's angry and frustrated at everything right now and just doesn't really know how best to express that. The root of it is most likely depression, which is totally understandable considering the loss of his wife, but men aren't raised to believe they're allowed to be depressed, so it turns into anger which is one of the few emotions men are allowed to have. Unfortunately there's not much you can do about it if that's the case. He would need to seek therapy and probably be put on some sort of anti-depressant for awhile, but that's not something you can really force him to do. You can try to talk to him and explain to him that he has that option and that you think it would be good for him to do that.. but the rest is up to him. Hopefully understanding why he's doing it and knowing that it's not because of you will help you to deal with it better.

You father must be old school. He wouldn't just live with a woman, he Has to marry. Are you sure she is in her 50's? She could be younger! But I think you have a perfect right to dish right back at him by saying he i ruining his life!and since you never met this woman you are not obligated to go to the wedding Unless he gives you a sincere apology. I'm sorry but I believe parents deserve respect when they give it!

sounds like your dad is just lonely and probably not used to being alone.

I realize that you miss your mom. And I am sure your father does too. I don't have any idea why he would say such hurtful things to your brother. Maybe something the two of them will have to work through. Saying I'm not here for you, I'm here for my brother" is perfect. It will get your point across without getting into an argument. His wedding is not the place or time to work through family problems. At a later time, if you really want you can ask your father to introduce you to his lady friend. I would suggest though talking to him alone 1st and let him know how you feel. I hope everything will work out.

I honestly think that your father was just lonely. IT is hard to live with someone for so many years and then when they are gone the void left is large. I would say cut your father a break on the new woman. As far as your brother's wedding it is his right to do it the way he wants to. It is his wedding after all. Your father is the parent so it is alright for him to voice his opinion as well but that is all it is. Good luck.

Hi there la_chique, I dont think your father got a woman because he wants to replace your mum, i think he is very lonely and in need of desperate attention that is why he is saying this to you i think he is trying to communicate but sad part is he is using hurtful ways, and for your brother i think he wishes to had been consulted about the wedding matters he knows he cant changed the plans probably just wanting to have a little say about the wedding, and for the woman again i think he wishes company not the actual replacement for your mom's love.

I think being lonely and old really is not a good condition. You should probably consider his depression over your mom's passing. I know that among your family, it must be your dad who is feeling the most pain and suffering of losing your mom. How he is acting right now could probably be because of what he is feeling inside. I cannot tell you what to do or how to console him, but if you do get the chance to maybe show and tell him that you understand how he is really feeling then maybe things will change.