I Forgive You, But I Hate You!
By almightybong
@almightybong (186)
Philippines
March 4, 2012 11:09pm CST
It's hard to live with the fact that you have to put up with a person that thinks really low of you. And it is even harder that that person is a relative. I can't come into terms of showing affection with a person that my mother really cares about. How do you teach yourself to love and/or forgive someone who makes you feel so belittled?
I haven't had the greatest grandmother of all, but then again, I wasn't asking for one. A simple grandmother would have been sufficient. It's just that I feel like we are forcing our family into her. She's been living with us ever since we were born and yet I feel like she's looking down on us. I have tried to forgive her every time but she keeps looking at us as a burden to my mom. After all the care my family has given to her, we still couldn't feel that she's even proud to have us as grandchildren. It would have been understandable if she's outward with the others as well.
I am not a fan of the feeling of hatred. I hate hating. In fact, if that word ever comes up, she's the only person I could think of as I don't feel any hate towards anybody or anything at all. You know, you have that kind of feeling that you want to understand and forgive her and you become at peace with the idea of forgiveness, but then again she really does put you down again. While others subconsciously show love towards their family, she does the opposite to us, as if it has become innate to her to put us down.
I think she's God's test to me. I so want to love her, who wouldn't. She makes it really impossible.
2 people like this
10 responses
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
I am sorry about this feelings that you have with you for your grandmother. I would say that i know what you are feeling and I have had never had this feeling from anyone myself too. I think maybe what you are feeling is a little bit of disappointment for your aunt, but i would never really say or confirm that what you are feeling is that exactly. And I think we do feel it because we expected too much, perhaps loved too much as well that we get hurt so much as like that.
1 person likes this
@almightybong (186)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
It is disappointment. I mean I could take that from anyone else, but absolutely not from her. I don't care how other people sees me or my family, I couldn't care less about their opinions. But I am my grandmother's grandchild, and we belong to her family. How can she not see us as part of her own. I think that she just says that she loves us only because we are her daughter's children, but anything beyond that, we couldn't feel it. Over time I have learned to lower my expectations, but it just hurts.
1 person likes this
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
I know how you feel. This hate that you say you have towards your grandmother could exactly be the same thing that I feel towards my uncle, my father's brother. I am a person who believes in hating the deed and not the doer especially when it comes to friends and relatives, but perhaps this one could be an exception. Nobody in my family, except probably for my brother who lives with him, likes him at all, because of how he treats my dad and us. Like your grandmother, he just sees us as burden and belittles everyone of us. To add to his crimes, he even insulted my stepmother and my girlfriend, which made me so furious. He is my godfather, and he wasn't like this before. He worked abroad and retired, that's when he turned into this someone else. I used to like him and always endorsed his businesses to my friends, but now I cut off all connections and communication with him. Of course there are family gatherings and we wee expected to all meet in the same place, so I would just not go. I'd make a lame excuse and not bother to show up, the same is being done by my brothers who hate him as well. I thought I could never forgive him but I guess time teaches me differently. I know there is hope for reconciliation but it will be long before that happens. I do forgive him, but I still hate the things he did and hate him for that.
@almightybong (186)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
There's always one in every family. I mean who wouldn't want to get along really well with their grandmother, or in your case, uncle? That is something I want to but no longer hoping for. What I'm just hoping for is that she would just let us be, and stop belittling us, that's all. I mean how could you really love a person who makes you feel so insignificant?
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
Well, I hope that this thing you've got between you and your grandmother will be fixed someday. It probably no longer matters anymore, but it's always better to have no hard feelings against anyone especially, from and/or towards a very near relative. I also have to add that forgiveness earned is a lot better than forgiveness given.
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
You know what? After a few years and maybe she is long gone and you have your own children (or not), you will simply sigh as you remember your experiences with your grandmother. Just try to keep an open mind on why she is thinking that you are a burden to your mother. It's very tiring to hate and you will end up a bitter person if you will choose to hate instead of respecting your grandmother. I know that you will say that she may not be worth the respect, but we cannot choose our relatives. We can only choose to ignore them
.
I have a very colorful family that if I were to sell my story it may create three movies plus a lot of sequels. My grandmother (my fathers' mother) also did not approve of my mom, nor of us her grandchildren. I remember one summer that my dad brought us kids to visit her with my mom and she just sat there and combed her hair. When my dad said that her grandchildren were there, she replied that she doesn't see anyone even if we were in front of her.
When I was young admittedly that hurt. But now as I look back I just laugh at it and all the tragedies brought about by my family. Because I never for one day let that incident affect. I only even remembered it now, after reading your post. So, just smile when you see your grandmother. Let her exert all her effort in not loving you. You will get less wrinkles this way.
.
I have a very colorful family that if I were to sell my story it may create three movies plus a lot of sequels. My grandmother (my fathers' mother) also did not approve of my mom, nor of us her grandchildren. I remember one summer that my dad brought us kids to visit her with my mom and she just sat there and combed her hair. When my dad said that her grandchildren were there, she replied that she doesn't see anyone even if we were in front of her.
When I was young admittedly that hurt. But now as I look back I just laugh at it and all the tragedies brought about by my family. Because I never for one day let that incident affect. I only even remembered it now, after reading your post. So, just smile when you see your grandmother. Let her exert all her effort in not loving you. You will get less wrinkles this way.@almightybong (186)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
In my defense, I still respect her. I did try to give reason to her every actions and there's just a lot that are beyond reason. Who wouldn't want to have a grandmother one can love? I am not the one who clings on to hate, which is why I keep forgiving her in my heart. I'm not one who disrespects, even despite all the differences we have. She is still my mother's mother, she still deserves respect, and she still gets mine. Ignoring her would be a mature way to deal with it, but I'm only human, not devoid of any feelings. It makes me sad that the person I am supposed to be looking up to just is incapable of showing love to her own.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
I can feel you.Forgiving is never easy especially if the other person wouldn't acknowledge her part on the mistake & keeps on doing the same mistake.If you can't stand your grandma,maybe the best option is to keep your distance from her so as to give you peace of mind because you won't be thinking of her that much & that space would give you time to forgive & forget & not say something bad or remember what she has done.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
5 Mar 12
I absolutely know what your feeling. I was living with my parents and my grandmother. Before I married my husband she loved me so much and we were so close. My grandmother hates all men. She says all men suck. So when I got married it seems she was angry with the man I chose. While we were living there she was rude to me, my husband and our children. I kept telling myself, shes just getting older and so she is losing it a little bit. I tried so very hard not to think bad thoughts about her but sometimes it was hard not to... I am glad I don't live with her anymore because now I miss her and have no hard feelings toward her at all!
@befrindwithme26 (5805)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
Well, i will wondering why look me down with the high look attitude,and i would frankly talk to her and why.
But you forgive,and not hate because you hate the word hatred.Yes that is good.Continue to be low in mind,humble keep it up,God will do the best for you,will reward you good,than the pride heart God will put it down.
God so much dear for you,and to follow His attitudes.
@longbangod (1785)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
You know, to forgive is one of the hardest thing to do. Human as we are we tend to be carried away with our emotions. When we get hurt or when someone hurt us, it's really hard to forgive. I mean if we can afford to forgive, then to forget is actually hard. That's why even if there are times wherein we forgive somebody, we can't still deny the fact that we still hate him/her. This is one big challenge to all of us. The best thing to do is still to forgive and forget so everything will be fine.
@sharay (2769)
• India
5 Mar 12
I know how it feels for my grandmother was the best person in my life until i got married, and then she started to show her true colours, now she is among the worst lot, have never thought for a bit that one day, i could come to hate her, as you said, i could forgive her and just forget her, but could never stop that hard feeling that comes once you think of her...i dont if its really God's test, if it is, i dont want him to test us with our relations that we want to value the most
@Lisona (177)
•
5 Mar 12
I have a grandmother like this and its very hard work just to get along. They are from a generation of shut up and get on with it attitude. My grandmother has always been an angry person for as far as I can remember,I used to hate going to her house for holidays when I was a child.She does the same always puts you down in front of other family members. Shes bit of an old dragon..hahaha, no but seriously she has one big chip on her shoulder, so I just leave her to it. I do not speak to her anymore, but then there is no love loss between us to start with. I know I sound harsh, but I don't want to know a person like that whether it is family or not. If she doesn't want to be in my life then all the better I say..hahaha. Other family members have also stopped speaking to her years ago. She has made the situation for herself, no-one else has.I hate the way she makes people feel guilty for her actions. Oh well such is life. My other grandparents I had the up most respect for but sadly not here now.
@Glitznglitter (389)
• Canada
5 Mar 12
I am sorry to hear you have such ill feelings towards your gramma. Just because one person likes someone doesn't mean your going to have that same feeling of liking them too.
Everyone has a difference of opinions, her making your mom feel like she's a burdon must be the trigger that angers you as you love your mother and hate to see her be treated so badly.
Sounds like the best thing to do is just learn to cope with her since she lives in your home. Try to avoid being around her so that your hatred doesn't get the better of you.
God doesn't give you a situation that you can't handle. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....your being taught how to cope with people who have a different personality than yours.
