My father died yesterday
By clairebrando
@clairebrando (7)
United States
March 6, 2012 3:39am CST
He was a good and noble man. His picture is sitting to the right of my laptop, and each time I look at it, I am startled again by remembering the sight of him so unlike how he is in the picture, the sight of him dead on the floor, my father, my daddy, and I cannot comprehend how he can be gone. I know this must be one of the stages of grief - is it denial? bewilderment? the 'wake me from this nightmare' phase? - but the way it comes, in waves, knocks me over into a heaving heap of tears. I am like every other survivor - I would give anything to be able to talk to him again, hug him, tell him I love him, do the things we meant to do and never did. Isn't this what we all say? When it is too late? At least I have the comfort of knowing my last conversation with him was a loving one. We made kiss noises over the phone, exchanged "I love you"s... just a few short days ago. If only I had made one last call. This I say, when really, what I mean is "If only I had the power to turn back time and make him alive again, and keep him that way, here with me and Mother, forever."
3 responses
@TheIrishClog (985)
• Ireland
6 Mar 12
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss clairebrando, my sincere condolences to you and your family. Losing a parent is such a difficult time for anyone, and something I experienced many years ago. I wish you all the love and strength in the world, you and your family...
@clairebrando (7)
• United States
7 Mar 12
thank you so much, that is so kind, my heart is overflowing with all of the kindness and generosity of spirit here, thank you so. I am sorry you have had to go through this too - i wish none of us had to lose our parents, it seems we are never ready to let them go, and how could we be? thank you again xox
1 person likes this
@kcwheeler (23)
• Canada
6 Mar 12
My heart is saddened for you. Losing a loved one is tough, especially parents. This may be the most difficult thing you go through.
My father was killed while I was a baby, and it still gets me everytime on the anniversary. It does get better, but for now just take your time to mourn and think about the amazing times you spent together.
Sending you a virtual hug!!!
@clairebrando (7)
• United States
7 Mar 12
I am so sorry about your father. Thank you so much for your virtual hug!! i send one back to you! xo
@chulce (1537)
• United States
6 Mar 12
My deepest sympathies to you and your family. It is difficult to loose a loved one. The closer they are to our own souls the more difficult.
We all go through the different stages of grief. I agree it sounds as if you are in part of the middle stages right now. It takes time for our bodies, minds and souls to adjust to this change in our lives.
So many of us wish for one brief moment that we could find a way to go back and change that point in destiny. But, we all must face the reality at some point, that we can't, unfortunately do so.
Remember that no matter where your father is now, he is probably taking moments to look down upon you and letting you know is some way that he loves you dearly and he knows in return how much you love him as well. Think about the good times that you have shared and he will always be with you. With a gentle smile and a caring word.
@clairebrando (7)
• United States
7 Mar 12
thank you so much for this. it means so much, especially what you said about how he could be looking down and letting me know in some way he loves me and knows how i love him. that comforts me so much. i have heard in several places that butterflies are a sign of the spirit from the other side saying hello and all is well. i saw one today with my mom and told her of this and we are choosing to believe that it was my dad's way of letting us know it was ok, sending a butterfly when they are not seasonal and we usually do not see them at all around here. thank you so much for saying that. xo
