Between Saying What You Feel and Avoiding An Argument
By almightybong
@almightybong (186)
Philippines
March 7, 2012 10:00pm CST
The feeling I hate the most is having an argument with my sister. We've grown so close together so much that it kills me when we argue about something. Here's what happened: I was at work, planning to submit some receipts for reimbursement. I was going through the receipts and saw that one receipt, which I had asked from my mother, does not have specific line items, so I texted my sister to ask my mom what meds she bought on that receipt. So she texted me the meds, and then she had a question: "Are you gonna give mum back the amount you'll be able to reimburse?" To which I answered, "Well, I don't buy medicines for this much so I was hoping to keep it for myself (since it is part of my benefits anyway) because I'm saving up money to buy a laptop." And then she replied, "Mum is having so many problems right now, with 2 of our nephews still not being paid with tuition, and grandma needing an operation, and you want to buy a laptop? Mum's having all these worries and then you're gonna come up and say you're buying a laptop?" I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know that there are problems. Nobody told me." She replied, "Well now I'm telling you."
I don't know what to make of this. She makes me feel so bad and it feels like she's saying I am so selfish. I mean I didn't know that there were problems. I would not have mentioned or planned about the laptop if I had known. She spoke like I didn't care and all I'm thinking about is myself. I really feel bad.
My dilemma here is that I know her too well that to tell her how I feel would just lead to an argument, but then, should I just keep it to myself? It's just stressing me so much. I don't mind the helping part, I mean I can put the laptop plans on hold, but really, does she have to be so harsh to make me look like I'm so selfish? You know that feeling when you want to explain yourself but you know she would just reject the explanation anyway? But you can't have peace of mind if you just leave things unsaid because you know it wasn't your intention?
7 responses
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
8 Mar 12
if you didnt know you didnt know do not feel bad but i do think it would be best if you could find a way to talk to your sister about the way she talks to you that would help out a lot. i hate when things are going on around me and because i have a busy life i am left out of it until the last or until they feel like telling me or i happen to ask. it is unfair and the only time they want to tell yiou is when it is convienant to make u feel like the bad person in the situation. do not let your sister get you down..you seem like a great person and the way she handled that and told you wasnt the right way at all....i honestly think i would have to say something to her for the way she acted because you dont want her to spread the lies to your family because she really thought you were being selfish. she should know how you really feel about not knowing and how she acted. good luck and take care :)
@almightybong (186)
• Philippines
8 Mar 12
I know exactly what you feel, and that's exactly what's happening. I'm all the way in the city while all of them are back in the province, and there's no way I would have known about it if I hadn't ask. And yeah, I'm just so bummed that she's taking it out on me like that without even thinking MY circumstances. I don't mind helping, jeez, it was just a laptop. That can wait. I've never been selfish to anyone of them. I can go two weeks eating one meal a day just to allocate something for them and I don't understand how hard it can be to maybe be a little sensitive about how I would feel if she had said what she said.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
13 Mar 12
i hope that you are able to work it out with your family because it is just not fair to you. idk if yall can get counciling (sp. wrong sry lol) but i usually try to resolve things without that but its anyones choice :) also idk if it wouldnt help you to just try and avoid takling to her for a while so that she doesnt have the opprtunity to treat you like that. like i said it is anyones choice and i do not know "the whole" situation but i am trying to help with ideas the best i can because it really isnt fair and im sry you have to go thro that....i really do hope things get better for you.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
9 Mar 12
you said that you and your sister are close right? so i think she is saying that to you not to offend you and she's talking like that because she knows you will understand. the same way with you, you should understand her. talk to her about how you feel but do it in a nice way so there'll be no big arguments between the two of you. explain nicely that you did not know about the problems and have known it, you would have think about buying a laptop. again, you know your sister well so you will know how to approach her.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
8 Mar 12
If it would make you feel better, then go ahead and explain to your sister about how you felt about her approach. If it leads to an argument, then at least it's a healthy one. Just make sure you patch things up after the argument. You could probably explain why it is important that you tell her how you feel about it and maybe she would understand, or you could just let it go and in time the stress it causes will eventually fade, hopefully. If you think it is better to avoid the argument and feel that this will not affect and/or bother your relationship with your sister then be the better man and take it all for the team.
@craziestqueenever (1819)
• Philippines
8 Mar 12
Having an argument with our siblings is such a heart-breaking moment. I know this kind of feeling, You just wanted to say what you feel.
Instead of pondering on what had happened, just IGNORE it. Divert your thoughts. Just learn from it. Your sister is having a problem when it comes to financial matter that's why she was able to vent her feelings to you.
In regard to the "Nobody told me" , No one will tell you it's because of a varied reason, and the fact that no one is responsible for informing you of anything.
Just take it as a lesson and a way to be more sensitive on what others feel.
@elementah (106)
• United States
8 Mar 12
Wow. You shouldn't at all feel bad. You didn't know the about the problems until your sister told you. Your sister shouldn't have just snapped at you like that and make you seem selfish. And yes, I know how you feel. Thankfully, my family doesn't do stuff like that, but my friends do. They make me seem so selfish and stuff sometimes which annoys me so much. Like once, there was a girl in a wheelchair that got to take a shortcut when we were running and I was like "ooo. lucky." I didn't mean it in a mean way or anything nor did my tone sound mean. And my friend snapped at me "well, she's not lucky. do you want to be in a wheelchair? huh?" And yeah, whenever I reply to defend myself or something; they somehow make me still seem bad, even if I'm the right one in the argument.
@almightybong (186)
• Philippines
8 Mar 12
Well, I feel bad because I've been judged just like that. I could take this kind of treatment from friends although it could still be very annoying, but from family? I know she worries about my mum, and I know I don't need the laptop right away, which is why it is okay, but I hope she took time to pause and check first if there's any better way she could've said it without making me feel so stupid.
@cleverland (150)
• Philippines
8 Mar 12
For me, it's not about saying what you feel or avoiding an argument. Your sisters. It's all part of it. Some sisters fought countless times. I had two sisters and I fought with one of them almost every time when we were younger. We hate each other to hell. Then growing apart, we've learned to grow too. Now, we're in best relationship that we never had.
Maturity develops as we grow older. Feeling bad is not really bad. Every emotions, happy, sad, anger, etc. they're all part of it. It's a process on our way to maturity.
You're sisters. you'll get through it.
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
8 Mar 12
Your sister could just told you in a nice way that there are problems to be prioritized. You in return may understand. If however you need the laptap badly
you may explain to them why you have to buy it.
