Why am I depressed?

@ircurts (112)
United States
March 8, 2012 6:16pm CST
Most of us that suffer from moderate to profound depression have no clue why they feel the way they do. I am no different in this. I cannot say why. At 50 years old and having always had depression, since childhood. I have come to think up a number of things I "blame" my depression on. Mostly its how unfair life is and how we destroy lives, resources and the very planet that sustains our existence all in the name of greed. Greed and the whole get ahead at all cost is what I have mostly come to blame my own depression on but in reality, that is not why I am depressed. Some of my question is kind of a "what came first, The chicken or the egg?" By depression I am not talking about people that feel blue or are thought of as unhappy. I mean debilitating depression to the point you can't even clean your house much less produce income to pay bills. I do realize its chemistry. It's not something outside of me that makes me depressed and its not what I consume that does this. It is something that goes on inside and alters my perception of reality. Its something that has likely always been a part of me, something that started while I was still inside the womb. I kind of understand. The realizations I think I am coming to come after much harm is done though. Days after I leave the hospital with my second heart attack in less than 12 months. Everything I have learned over the decades explains it but I still ask why because I just don't get why people with far harder challenges than I have can make it work and I cannot. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
1 person likes this
1 response
@dandan07 (1906)
• China
10 Mar 12
I think depression is a feeling which can accumulate little by little. Now i always feel depression, and can not see the blightness in my life. but if you ask me what has happen to me, i can not say anything. Something small but uncomfortable happened, while i do not have way to release my feeling then the depression was accumulated. One by one, day after day, now become a unreason depression today for me.
@ircurts (112)
• United States
10 Mar 12
I can see that mine has slowly grown also. I cannot remember a time without it. Social anxiety may of caused it or maybe its the other way around. Often people who deal with things like depression have other things going on.