Advice for my friend
By Porcospino
@Porcospino (31366)
Denmark
March 9, 2012 5:49am CST
My friend has a friend who can't decide if she wants to be her friend or not. Sometimes her friend ignores her completely and doesn't answer her messages and sometimes she talks to my friend. Before christmas my friend was going to meet her friend who lives in another town. She bought some presents for her friend and her friend's children, caught a train and travelled for several hours before she arrived in the town where her friend lives. Her friend knew that she was coming, and she had promised to pick her up, but she never showed up and never answered her phone. A long time passed and her friend didn't answer her messages, and then one day she finally contacted my friend and she didn't mention the visit at all or apologize at all.
My friend didn't mention the visit either, because she didn't want to offend her friend or lose her friendship. My friend is a very kind person and I hate to see how that girl treats her. I have often told her that I don't think that she should put up with her friend's behaviour, because I get the impression that her friend thinks that she can treat her anyway that she wants. My friend is afraid of losing her friendship and she doesn't say anything when her friend treats her in a bad way.
Which kind of advice would you give my friend?
12 responses
@Mashnn (4501)
•
9 Mar 12
Tell your friend to get real and know that any friendship is a two way thing. I wonder why she want to have a relationship with such type of a person who is just making her life more miserable. If she really want a trust worthy friend, she better look for a more caring and responsible friend.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
9 Mar 12
Sometimes I also wonder why my friend wants to keep the friendship with that woman, because she has been hurt her so many times when she has broken her promises etc. I know that my friend doesn't have many friends, and I think that is one of the reasons why she doesn't want to lose the friendship with that woman. Of course it is her choice what she wants to do, but it makes me sad to see her get hurt all the time because her friend ignores her and only talks to her when SHE feels like it. I hope for her that she will find a caring friend who respects her.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
12 Mar 12
I agree with that, and it is a little hard for me to understand why my friend thinks that a bad friend is better than no friends at all. Personally I wouldn't put up with the behaviour of that woman and I would choose to end the "friendship".
@thelmadacullo112659 (642)
• Philippines
9 Mar 12
its nice to receive some good advices.............accept friends advices which are good.but its nice also if u have ur own decisions................
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
10 Mar 12
I sometimes ask my friends for advice when I have a problem and sometimes it is helpful to hear other people's opinion about the things that I experience. They have a different perspective and they often mention things that I hadn't thought about. It is nice to hear about people's opinion and experiences, but in the end we have to make our own decision and we have to find the choice that is right for us.
@wolveren (1586)
• Cebu, Philippines
9 Mar 12
Since your friend doesn't want to lose their friendship, and she doesn't want to go ballistic, it's actually very simple. She should just move on and let it go, no matter what has happened. They still remain friends. She should never bring up the past about that like it never happened and she should never ask for another favor from that friend again, because she knows it won't happen. I once had that experience before, we were really tight friends, and like her story I was sacked waiting for my friend to come around for me. I'm very ballistic, would have my friend be some other cliche thing I'd go rough em up. But we go way back and I let it go. Now I don't ask any favors at all from that friend and neither does he. It's a mutual thing. We stay friends, but it's never the same anymore. 
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
9 Mar 12
I think my friend prefers to just let it be and avoid talking about it, that is my impression. She is different from me in that aspect, because I would have been angry if a friend did the same thing to me as her friend did to her, and I don't think that I would have been able to keep my mouth shut If my friend doesn't ask any favours from her friend again and doesn't expect much from her, she would probably avoid getting hurt when her friend breaks her promises, so I think that she would save herself from some pain if she doesn't ask any favours from her friend and doesn't expect much from her.
If my friend doesn't ask any favours from her friend again and doesn't expect much from her, she would probably avoid getting hurt when her friend breaks her promises, so I think that she would save herself from some pain if she doesn't ask any favours from her friend and doesn't expect much from her.
@stanley777 (9402)
• Philippines
9 Mar 12
Your friend's friend doesn't treat your friend as her friend. No friend of ours, would treat us like what your friend's friend had treated her. Your friend should stop seeing her and don't do anything that concern her friend.Maybe she is just toying with your friend.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
9 Mar 12
I also feel that her friend isn't acting like a true friend. I hope that my friend will find another friend who treats her in a better and more respectful way, she deserves that, because she is a very kind person herself. That woman thinks that she can treat my friend any way that she chooses, because my friend doesn't want to offend her and she hides her anger I know that my friend is afraid to let go of that woman, because she has few friends, but I don't think that her friend is a real friend.
I know that my friend is afraid to let go of that woman, because she has few friends, but I don't think that her friend is a real friend.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
9 Mar 12
Yes, exactly. I think that she is person who is only your friend when she needs you or when she wants something from you. That is not a true friendship in my opinion. I used to have a friend who was a bit like that. She only contacted me when she wanted advice and when she needed someone to talk to about her problems and the rest of the time she just ignored me. I think she thought that I was a good listener and a good person to confide in, but I think that a friendship has to be a two-way street.
@KOSTAS499 (1624)
• Greece
9 Mar 12
For me this kind of friendship is making me sick and I prefer to end it. She is afraid of losing her friend? What friend? She is not there. If she is absent in good times she will not be there for bad times. I say let her go. Just stop calling. If at any time she calls, be nice, explain your feelings about this "friendship" and move on.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
10 Mar 12
The woman that she calls her friends doesn't sound like a real friend to me, and it makes me sad to see how that woman treats her. My friend gets hurt when that woman lets her down and refuses to answer her messages and I think that she could save herself from the pain if she lets go of that friendship, but she is not prepared to do that. If it had been me I would have ended the friendship, but my friends wants to keep the friendship, because she has few other friends and she doesn't want to get lonely.
@veejay19 (3589)
• India
10 Mar 12
If i were in your friend`s place i would drop this frienship totally since the other girl is not sincere and is selfish.It would be foolish to continue where there is no give and take.I think your friend is just wasting her time and energy.Tel her to keep quiet and see whether at all the other girl contacts her or not.If she doesn`t then let sleeping dogs lie and let her find someone else who will reciprocate her hand of friendship.
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
9 Mar 12
The answer is very simple: if your friend can't decide the answer is: NO.
Otherwise their wouldn't be doubts/questions.
So at this moment it's: NO
Perhaps later it will be a yes.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
9 Mar 12
I think that the best decision would be a no to that friendship, because it seems like it isn't a real friendship. My friend is good enough when that girl feels like talking to her and rest of the time she just ignores her. I think that is would be better for my friend to let go of that friendship, because she gets hurt every time that her friend doesn't want to talk to her. She has asked me for at advice many times, but I don't know what to say anymore, because I have already told her what I think that the behaviour of that girl. She is lonely and afraid to let go of the friendship and she accepts her friend's behaviour.
@vimal1990 (116)
•
9 Mar 12
According to me... i will advice my freinds not to drink and smoke.... as well as not to involve in any wrong matter and as well as not to do any bad things... i wil say them not to demotivated by the failures... and i will say to proceed for success
1 person likes this
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
9 Mar 12
Tell your friend that her friend is not a good friend. Her friend did not respect her and she don't deserve her friendship. Tell your friend to forget about that friend and find another friend that who will respect her. I am sure she can find a better friend.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
9 Mar 12
I agree with that. I don't think that her friend respects her. Her friend thinks that she can treat her in any way that she chooses. I would have been angry if I travelled to another part of the country to visit a friend and she stood me off and totally ignored me. Of course something can happen which makes it hard to stick to the original plans, but I think that her friend should at have called her if she knew that she wouldn't be able to pick her up as she promised. I hope for my friend that she can find another friend who respects her.
