Marriage. Confused. Second option is important?
By shibham
@shibham (16977)
India
March 13, 2012 5:42am CST
Hi everyone...
Hope all of them are concerned who participated on my discussion where i was telling you that my family and me have chosen a bride for me but i did not met her till then. Yesterday, finally i have met her. She is almost as same as the photo that was shown to me, so no point to reject at all. But there is a problem that i wish to share with you.... she is more corpulent than me. Actually i am a slim one. So as the physical match is concerned., it is a little bit to think deeply. That is why i am confused what to do, exactly in dilemma.
My parents and some relatives have said to me that there is nothing to get worried coz after marriage girls almost lose fats and weight and guys gain.
Some friends are suggesting a second choice, i mean they think that i should meet an another girl to have the right choice. Is it important?
The percent of my choice is now 80% and rest are dependable on you.
Link to my previous discussion.http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2633471.aspx
Please share your views.
My parents and some relatives have said to me that there is nothing to get worried coz after marriage girls almost lose fats and weight and guys gain.
Some friends are suggesting a second choice, i mean they think that i should meet an another girl to have the right choice. Is it important?
The percent of my choice is now 80% and rest are dependable on you.
Link to my previous discussion.http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2633471.aspx
Please share your views.4 people like this
31 responses
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
13 Mar 12
If she is fat now, she'll be fatter as the years pass. Being fat puts a developing baby in danger, if you're thinking of having children. Plus, fat people don't think much of themselves and are lacking in self confidence--she may be fat because she was sexually abused as a child, or beaten, or ridiculed by her teachers but the fact is that she is damaged goods and you can't help her.
I'm saying this as a fat person so please believe me. You are getting a damaged person with problems that only a trained doctor MIGHT be able to help. She may not be a good mother to your children and after you are married she will relax and get fatter.
If you want a good marriage that makes you and your wife happy you will do better to chose a woman who has a healthy body of average weight.
2 people like this
@shibham (16977)
• India
15 Mar 12
Hi dragon...
Nope, she not that type of fat that you are perhaps thinking. She is normal but more fat than the picture and i am so thin comparing to her. There were no chance of such mistreats by someone as far i am concerned and she is grown up in an ideal family. Her father was a school teacher and now expired. She is the younger one and most beloved one of that family.
I think i was not able to make you understood by my writtings. Anyway, dont mind, it is as normal as well.
have a nice time.
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
13 Mar 12
Hello Shibham,
I think it all depends on you only.
If you are concerned about the physical appearance, especially her body type, then you have to rethink and decide. I just want to tell one thing, if she is fat in nature then chances are rare to get her thin after marriage. At the same time, some guys may gain weight after marriage.
If you liked her character and all other things then you can proceed by ignoring this. We, human beings are not complete in all ways. We may have our minus points too. However, it is all upon you to decide, because you are going to live your whole life with her.
If you are concerned about the physical appearance, especially her body type, then you have to rethink and decide. I just want to tell one thing, if she is fat in nature then chances are rare to get her thin after marriage. At the same time, some guys may gain weight after marriage.
If you liked her character and all other things then you can proceed by ignoring this. We, human beings are not complete in all ways. We may have our minus points too. However, it is all upon you to decide, because you are going to live your whole life with her.
2 people like this
@shibham (16977)
• India
14 Mar 12
Hi sree..
I dont say that she is fatty better to say that she is more healthier than me. I have already read all these responses and finally decided to marry her, if anything wrong does not happen from her side. I mean rejection. Actually she is more fat than the photo i have seen.
Yes, after the meeting of almost one hour, i have not found anything wrong in her. Exactly it is my decision but others like relatives, friends also take a vital role on such decision.
Have a nice time.
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
14 Mar 12
Usually females are a bit more corpulent. But that should not be what you judge her by. Its her personality that you should get to know. Have you ever watched the movie "Shallow Hal"? If not, you should. You should get to know the person within and not be so concerned by physical appearances. Slim females can get heavy later too. If you choose a skinny female and she gain weight later would you then leave her? Perhaps for another skinny female. Its whats in the heart that counts. Seems to me its not really a dilemma its you being shallow.
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
17 Mar 12
Hi... thanks for the suggestion. I have not seen that movie but i will for sure. I am trying to know her over phone and have already known more about her which are enough to make a life long relationship ignoring her fats. Actually, i have seen a friend who was a fatty one but after marriage she is so skinny that hard to imagine. So anything can be happened.
have a nice time.
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
13 Mar 12
Still you have the choices left for you. Your 80% marking shows you like her. Her age is not mentioned. What about her other family members? If all other family people holds the same corpulency nature, then she will continue with +/- nature. But typically odd in all, there are chances to change. Slight physical mis-matches can be adjusted and don't pay chances to gain extra weights. Normally, after marriage girls get weight and gain more physical growth in the following period of time.
But still you are thinking of a substitute, don't waste time and look for the appropriate with more precise. However, your valution of 80% is a great grade which indicates how much you like her. Don't get worried on her corpulence if she is healthy and fit to age. If desired, you both can plan for a dieting mechanism without much complications. Liking each other is the best combination and beyond that all can be adjusted through our daily practice and life patterns.
Thank-s
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
14 Mar 12
Hi thanks...
Thanks for your concern. She is 4 years younger than me. She has three elder sisters and all are married and two elder inmarried brothers. Nope, her brother is more thin than me, so it is not inherited. When i saw her photo, she was not so much fat that i saw her on the meeting. Perhaps she was slim one on about three yeras ago.
Nope, i have left the idea of second choice and all of your responses that i have read earlier have incresed my valution pecent to 95% and rest is dependable to parrents after meeting her and i am pretty sure that it will be a total. lol. She eats some fats like cream, butter, curd, poneer and so on and like me she is also a vegan.
Have a nice time.
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
14 Mar 12
I think your 95% looks out for a date of marriage!! Yes, all it shows the 'made for each other is hanging around you and your ***. So, I can asusme that this is the one who waiting for you for the rest of your life.
What else??? Hope all will go smooth now.
1 person likes this
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
17 Mar 12
hi shiby,
I don't know if I should laugh about your thought or should I pity on how you think
Duh!gaining or losing weight doesn't depend on marriage life
Imagine if you going to marry her you should love and accept each and every small details about her TRUE LOVE doesn't look on physical appearances if TRUE LOVE is present at this moment 
.
It's just simple if you are not sure about your feelings then don't it's your life after all no one can dictate you unless you are looking for someone who wants to take care of you not someone who is going to love you for the rest of your life.
happy mylotting
.
It's just simple if you are not sure about your feelings then don't it's your life after all no one can dictate you unless you are looking for someone who wants to take care of you not someone who is going to love you for the rest of your life.
happy mylotting
1 person likes this
coz i am ready to marry her and declared her as my fiance. And as you have said, i have found my TRUE LOVE which was essential to me from years.lol
Have a nice time.@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
18 Mar 12
wow!that's good to know after what you've posted here at least you are in the right state of your mind .
best wishes
.
best wishes
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
So it's an arranged marriage.Have you learned to love the girl?I wouldn't marry someone I don't know yet.No one decides for me but me.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
14 Mar 12
awwww you are more concerned that she is corpulent rather than the fact that you getting married not for love?
well... for me personally, physical aspect is not really a matter when it comes to love but when it comes to this, no love and you have not met her physically... that is one thing you have to think about deeply. Maybe re think it.... or maybe just marry for love my friend.
and oh not all ladies loose weight after marriage! i didn't. grrr. in fact, i was just 45 kilos before i married..was so sexy..err slim. but now i am heavier! 
well... for me personally, physical aspect is not really a matter when it comes to love but when it comes to this, no love and you have not met her physically... that is one thing you have to think about deeply. Maybe re think it.... or maybe just marry for love my friend.
and oh not all ladies loose weight after marriage! i didn't. grrr. in fact, i was just 45 kilos before i married..was so sexy..err slim. but now i am heavier! 1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
17 Mar 12
Hi jazel....
As some days have passed by and so far i have talked to her and met, now i am involved with her. The body shape is already ignored and we both are ready to marry each other. It is just one week over and our love is already in progress and it will surely bring a good result on coming future.
But in this avatar, you are not seemed heavy.Is this an old one? lol
have a nice time.
Is this an old one? lol
have a nice time. @JenInTN (27514)
• United States
15 Mar 12
This really depends on what your preference is shibham. There are alot of men that like women that have some weight to them. I do know that physical attraction is important too, but you may fine her even more attractive when you get to know her better. If you are not attracted though..it might complicate things a bit.
Good luck!
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
17 Mar 12
Honestly speaking, i dont like heavy girls but here she is not that like but better can say that i am thinner comparing to her. So my body shape is pushing me to confusions, not her. Hope you have understand. I am trying to know her and already accomplished maximum percentage. Now, i am about to marry her.
Have a nice time.
@angelgee14 (462)
• Philippines
17 Mar 12
Upon reading your post, this sounds like an arrange marriage (am i right?)When it comes to love, true love, physical appearance does not matter at all. Although some people get married due to practicality. Seeing some girls, young girls marrying old man because of money and vice versa.
But when it comes to true love, we saw a beautiful bride with not so good looking groom. A very handsome groom, with a chubby bride. A tall bride with a smaller groom. It's all because of love.
Now in your case, if you are not comfortable with the situation and you have an option to choose or decline the offer (sorry, the arrange proposal) then it is choice. Remember that marriage is a lifetime commitment.So, better decide now before it is too late. Unless you have no option or no other choice.
@shibham (16977)
• India
18 Mar 12
Hi angelgee...
Yes, this is an arranged marriage. I have already mentioned that those physical issues are ignored and already accepted her as my future better half. Actually, after reading all these responses, i finally decided and threw out all those dilemmas and confusions. For me mylot is more than a family where all responses have much meaningful and decisive.
have a nice time.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
13 Mar 12
Hi Shibham,
When there is a mental match of almost 80% (from both the sides) I don’t see any reason for you to reject a girl for this silly reason. Physical structure of ours is a god gift and so some are too short, too tall, too fat or too slim… so I would say ‘accept her as she is’ with no alteration and wholeheartedly. hope she would also have similar feelings for you. On the other hand, how you would have felt if she refuses you due to your slim personality? Additionally, hope she is not having any sort of health issues because of her weight.
I am / have always been slim and when we got married (even today) one of the FAQ to us is “is yours a love marriage”? You know why - it is because of our physical difference. My husband is tall and healthy (but not fat) whereas I am slim as ever… of course periodically I gained weight that was only during pregnancy….
Take care and do share the date of marriage....hope i could add a +1% to your problem...best of luck.
@shibham (16977)
• India
15 Mar 12
Hi viju..
The percent has turned to 100 and last night i have sent the final proposal to marry her and she was happy enough when we were talking with each other over phone. I think bot will match pefrectly after dieting and doing some other stuffs like exercises and so on. So as you have suggested, i have accepted as "accept her as she is". No, she has not refused me and we both are ready for the next step.
As it was not the love marriage, thats why i was a little concered about that issue but now, no more. And surely, you have adeed more than your expectation.
have a nice time.
@khare_1005 (1310)
• India
13 Mar 12
bro you should listen to your heart and nothing else. if you could find a spark inside, and feel something for her, then yes she is the right one for you. you can not say for certain if a person will loose weight or gain after marriage. it is highly dependent on your level of physical activity and has nothing to do with marriage. if she is little plump, and you are concerned about that, you can speak over it and ask her if she would consider loosing some lbs after marriage.
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
15 Mar 12
Sis, be ready to meet your sister in law very soon. I have already told her that she is the right one for me. Just after reading all these responses, i have cleared my mind. She is not fatty at all but just fat than me. Now it is totally ignorable and i think i have chosen the right one for me. Later i will ask your suggestions if some issues creat.
have a nice time.
1 person likes this
@constancenunn (72)
• United States
14 Mar 12
Hello!
to tell you the truth about choosing, It's really your decision who you want to be with. Do you know what attracts you? Don't let no one choose for you. decide if tha't the woman whether her weight or not is for you. you have to look on the inside of a person not the out side.Sometimes looks can decieve us. some people like slim people and some people like thick partners.
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
17 Mar 12
I have met her only one week ago and so far i have talked to her, i am sure that she is an innocent, decent, caring, loving and a beautiful girl by heart. So, her body shape or complexion is worthless to have a relationship with her. I am going to marry her any how.
Have a nice time.
Have a nice time.
@GardenGerty (160702)
• United States
13 Mar 12
Do not discard a choice based on looks and weight. If she is healthy, and you guys can make a good marriage, she may lose weight, you may gain weight, but the important thing is to learn to love each other and be partners. I am much heavier than my husband. He has gained some, but he likes me to eat well and I have gained some as well. He helps me work on being healthy, though.
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
16 Mar 12
Hi garden...
Yes, i have not discarded her regarding looks and weight.She is healthy and i have already selected her as my bride. I am just hoping that she will lose weight and i will gain. it is my expectation almost. I think you both are made for each other and perhaps we too.
Have a nice time.
Have a nice time. @wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
13 Mar 12
This is the woman with whom you are to build a life. Your primary concern shouldn't be her weight. It should be whether you can see spending the rest of your life with her. Do you share interests? Will she be a good mother? Will you love her?
The few women I've known who expected to have arranged marriages ultimately had veto power as to whether they would wed the man with whom they were matched. I'm assuming that your intended bride has a say as to whether she marries you. Perhaps, at this moment, she is wondering if, perhaps, you are too thin to make suitable husband material?
Don't be unfair in your assessment of your potential mate.
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
15 Mar 12
Yes, you are right. I have ignored the issue of weight as i have found all the good qualities on her. We have some common interests and have shared a few. Hope she will be a good mother and yes, i love her.
Nope, she has accepted me by heart. when i told her about my own issue on being thin, she politely ignored it and if she can ignore then why i cant. So finally, i have decided to marry her, yes she is the right one for me.
have a nice time.
@ifa225 (14461)
• Indonesia
14 Mar 12
Hi sibhie
umm i think the most important is..how is she can understand u and respect u and can accept u just the way u are. It is that it cant be seen by only in a short meeting
but about her weight..in here.. Girls become fatter when she get a baby
but there is always a way to get slimmed..the choice is on u
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
16 Mar 12
Hi ifa...
We are talking with each other daily over phone and it is helping us to understand each other much better and now i think that she is the right one for me. So, i have already selected her as my bride.
I am just hoping that she will lose some weight. Just hoping but no complain either.
have a nice time.
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
14 Mar 12
Well since you are asking this question it means that you are not sure. And when you marry someone you should be 100% sure. So I guess you have two choices:
1. Get to know that girl better and maybe fall in love with her. If that happens you wouldn't care much about the weight difference because love is unconditional.
2. If you can't fall in love with that girl as love doesn't come easy, then it's time to look for a second option.
Follow those steps so that you will avoid losing a possibly good girl and so that you will not have any regrets.
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
16 Mar 12
Hi flapiz...
Yes, i was not sure but as some days are already over and have read all these responses. I have selected her as my bride and will marry in this year.
Now, i am talking to her almost daily and trying to understand much better and sharing our thoughts. I think she loves me a lot and that is why i am considering the love as unconditional.
I dont wish to lose her and hope after marriage i will have nothing to regret.
Have a nice time.
@beenice2 (2967)
• Sackville, New Brunswick
13 Mar 12
You know if I were you I would take a second choice. You see here in North America, our parents doesn't choose for us who we are going to marry, notice that I've heard that some marriage turned out allright after all, hopwfully you are in that bunch.
1 person likes this
@sherrybelle (707)
• United States
14 Mar 12
Please understand that in my culture arranged marriage is non-existent. I choose my own life partner and my life partner chooses me.
I don't know what you're options are in your culture but I think it would be nice if you had the freedom to choose your own wife.
I think you should have a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th or 6th option.
1 person likes this
